"I look forward to sand in my crotch and a beer in my hand."

So it looks like that Maui trip in May will end up being a ladies trip with all four of us! :) After getting together with Pam, Maja and Darla, we all agreed that it would be absolutely awesome to go to Maui together in May. I couldn't imagine going with a better crew! It will be 10 days filled with sun, sand, drinks and many adventures! I look forward to it! Now all that's left is to book the tickets... then we'll know for sure who will actually come.

*Blog title: Quote from my lovely friend Pam when talking about our Maui trip in May.

Sometimes I am compassionate

And sometimes I am not. This was taken when I was not compassionate... though I did offer the homeless guy a hug! It was all I got. Tonight I went out with Pam, Maja, Darla and Matt... we had good fun and good drinks... good drinks lead to seeking for more good drinks, which had us walking through a homeless person filled area (not too sure where, was too busy making sure I did not fall in snow while wearing heels). Anywho Matt took this photo while we were telling a guy politely no we don't have any change. The glance speaks for itself :) Had fun though :) looking forward to more times out!

Back to postcards and daydreaming

This morning I find myself single again. I also find myself with a feeling of a weight being lifted. The past couple of days have been a tough one with Justin and I deciding whether we should be together or if we're just better apart. It would have been easy if he was a jerk or an asshole, but he's neither of those and that's what made the decision that much harder. Now I think we're on a course that is good for the two of us. Though we're no longer sharing each others life, we will still be close. I know I will make sure that he's doing well and that he stays happy. Whether I can do anything about it or not is something completely different.
So it will be interesting to see what 2009 brings. I head into it single and an extra bit more lonely since I've lost Minette. She'd been there through all my heart aches and heart breaks and this is the first I've tackled on my own. I miss her and this Christmas was an little bit tough. I missed her hiding under the tree, picking out the present that had cap nip in it and batting it around the living room... what was especially hard was seeing the piles of wrapping paper with no Minette underneath. She LOVED Christmas because of the multitude of boxes that were laying around and because of all the wrapping paper she could chase bows and ribbons in.
Anyways I will keep my head up and my smile on because that's how I feel inside. Despite the recent changes, I feel strong. Also very ready to tackle my last term at Utopia Academy. 2009 will be the year I graduate and also the year I become an RMT. That's quite exciting :) I've worked hard and I deserve it.

More distractions!

The plan: To rent House M.D. Season 2
What happened: I bought season 2, 3 and 4... it was cheaper then renting all of them cuz they're previously viewed. That's fine with me :)
Now I am too excited to nap!! :)

Christmas 2008

Well Christmas has already come and gone and what a unique one it was. I am quite fortunate to have the loving family that I have and I've really enjoyed spending some time with them. Now that Christmas is over though it's time to start focusing on school again. I've already written out a list of things to study for and it's not as scary as I thought... there are still 3 assignments and 7 finals to study for... however it's not as bad as previous terms where I had over 10 finals to study for. Also one of the finals is on the 2nd of January which is a bit of a blow but will mean that it's out of the way that much faster.

Muppet Show - Swedish Chef - making chocolat moose

Almost done!

This week anyways! I still have a mid term to go before break officially begins. My to do list is endless for before x-mas... for the first time in years I am almost contemplating having someone else wrap my x-mas presents... Will trade massage for x-mas present wrapping! :P
Oh this break will do me good!!!

I am dislexic

And sometimes it shows. Usually I catch myself and correct myself but other times, like today it totally passes me by. Today I handed in an assignment on magnesium instead of an assignment about manganese. Yeah WOOPS! At least I did the assignment but it was on the wrong mineral. Damn shit! *sigh* I need a break! 3 more school days until Christmas break/study break!

Snow covered life

The first thing I did when I woke up this morning was that I peeked outside to see how much white stuff had fallen from the sky. I was delighted to see that the road outside is currently completely covered and we now have about 8 to 10 inches of snow covering the ground. Yipee! Hopefully the drivers that take take our street to go to work will realize that there is still a thick sheet of ice under all that lovely white fluff. Now the weather just has to stay cold for the next little while and I will be quite happy. With long underwear under my cloths I have kept quite warm these past couple of days so I have been enjoying the cold very much. I am tempted to go out and shoot this morning... maybe I will do that between school and work. We shall see. I love snow and the cold and I hope it sticks around.

*I just checked out the weathernetwork.com and it should snow all day today and stay between 0 and -12 for the next 5 days! There's also more snow in the forecast (alternating with days of sun!)! Not only will this be awesome for snow shoeing as soon as I have time but maybe we will have a white Christmas! That would be so awesome :)

Reason why I want a cat # 38973289

From long underwear...

...to no underwear.... little beach here I come!!!
After having a great time playing in the snow this Saturday, Justin and I decided to book our trip to Maui for the month of May! Actually Justin just found some awesome prices so we're going :) We weren't going to go unless we could go for cheap! And we are! Less for $400 bucks and flying out of Vancouver!
Sure I am only going for my 6th time but I am pretty sure it's going to be just as awesome this time around... after all... on my 5th time there I discovered an other noodie beach :)
What a lovely grad present to me :)

Should have known better...

That just going to listen to some nice chill music with my path homework wasn't going to happen. Instead Pam, Justin and Steve came out as well and we all have a great time. I was introduced to gin and tonic and didn't even touch my study stuff all night! I paid the consequences on Saturday though... I failed my mid term. It's ok though the majority of the class failed it as well... and they stayed home and studied :P

Musical love

It's the only kind I've been getting lately and this is what I've found:
Dan Mangan, Hannah Georgas, Arctic, and Christer are all quite worth checking out. They are all playing tomorrow night at Funderwear at the Biltmore. I want to go. But I have a mid term the following day. Fuckity fuck fuck. Maybe I will bring my path stuff and study while they are playing. It sounds low key enough that I might just be able to do it.

Absence make the heart grow fonder...

But too much absence pisses me off!

Last weekend was the first weekend that Justin and I didn't spend together since we started dating. We lived. I am proud of us. I miss him terribly but school has been so hectic that I only miss him when I wake up, am on the bus (day dreaming between studying) and before I go to bed. Otherwise I just don't have time. I don't even have time to eat. I am drinking a meal replacement just before I go to sleep and then I am going to pass out until too early in the morning, study and leave for my 7am appointment with my naturopath. Dear Naturopath... I am stressed!
Anyways next week is filling up quite quickly as well. What was meant to be a week filled with just two quizzes changed into a week with two quizzes, a final, a mid term and a project. Fuck! It's like a redo of this week! And this means that I will most likely not see Justin next weekend as well! Honestly, I miss our cuddle time and being with him. I was very tempted to ask a coworker for a hug today because I miss getting my hugs and cuddles :(
I've prepared myself for the end of this week and the following week. I stocked up on meal replacement and vitamin C/multivitamin/multimineral. So far I haven't gotten sick! I don't plan on it either. My immune system has been rockin' and we will make it through to x-mas.
The lymph drainage final... I think it went well. I think I passed. Which is good. I enjoy it and am looking forward to the extra class at the end of January so that I can get my basic lymph drainage. I know my stuff too so I will be a good therapist :)
Well my meal replacement (replacing lunch and dinner) is finished so I am going to bed.

"I am on little beach for drum circle and fire dancing."
That's the first message I got this morning from Frank, in Hawaii, who must be on vacation in Maui (he lives on Oahu). My reply: "I am awake at 5:30am studying for a final."
Guess. Who's having more fun?

Rise and Shine

This morning I woke up at 6am... ready to tackle the world. I didn't wake up because I had to or because I had too much on my mind but my body was rested and ready to start the day. I thank lymph drainage for that.
Lymph drainage is definitely a unique creature. After the first day I felt exhausted, after the second I felt energized, after the 3rd I felt exhausted again and had a bit of an emotional reaction and after the fourth, and last I felt energized again and even stayed up until 11pm (which is a big deal for someone who's usually in bed before 9 on school days). The throat ow that I woke up with disappeared throughout the day and my body settled in to a general feeling of well being. This work is quite amazing. Looking at the case studies that we did, the work is also very powerful and yields great results. It's definitely something that I want to continue to work with and I am looking forward to taking the therapy 1, 2 and 3 classes. However this modality does not come easy.
I don't think I've ever felt so incompetent with a massage technique. Sure it's always a bit tricky to get into the groove of things when you first get started but even after 4 days of this stuff, I still have to think it through and go very slowly! Anyways I see that this work is worth the time and effort that I put in to it so I am still going to keep working at it.
Well since I am up this early, I am going to get started on writing the medical legal report... and then I'll work on A&P and then on lymph drainage (studying theory and hands on), then off to the library to work on pain and stress. The carrot at the end of stick is meeting Maja for Thai this evening and then spending the rest of the weekend with her studying and becoming smarter. It'll be great to have someone here that I can practice my hands on stuff with and they can practice it to. We can also work on the multitude of other assignments and tests that are due next week as well.
17 days until winter break/study break begins!

Maybe I shouldn't have fallen asleep...

After a not particularly stressful day, I decided to swing by metrotown to pick up a couple of things for the OnSite Christmas. Things like window decals of snow flakes, wrapping paper and ornament hangers shouldn't have been hard to find... but they were. I sped walk through a mall that kept shouting BUY BUY BUY out at me and even though I only spent $1.14 for ornament hooks, I had an anxiety attack in the mall. Not surprising but still frustrating. Not having the courage to go buy paper I went home, defeated and exhausted. Mom and Dad were total heroes and went to Ikea to pick up the Christmas tree for OnSite while I was given time to go to sleep early... again at 7pm.
After lunch I felt a prickle in my throat. It kind of felt like a hair was stuck. After trying to remove it and almost making me throw up, I decided to leave it be and hope that it would travel during night time and I would wake and I would be all better. But that wasn't the case. After crying myself to sleep and sleeping a solid 9 hours, I woke up feeling like that little hair had transformed itself into many little razor blades. *sigh*
On the up side, I no longer feel like an emotional mess this morning... which is good. I also feel ready to tackle our last day of lymph drainage. There will be no extra class on Saturday because of the lack of interest (we need 6 in order to have a full class, 2 are interested, one of which is me). This is quite the good news because it allows me more then half a day to get ready for exams and such. It also looks like we'll be able to take this class in January in order to get the basic certification for manual lymph drainage. Many of the other girls are interested, however with our work load they don't really want to use this time to get the basic MLD certification. So I am gearing up for a full day at school, a shift at work and then a weekend filled with sleep and studying.
Can it be Christmas time yet?

An Ikea Birthday?!

It's no secret... I love Ikea. It's a great place to get cheap stuff for the home. It also doesn't look super cheap which is also a good thing. Anyways I was on their website today looking for a coupon for the $20 x-mas tree which I will pick up shortly for the Christmas at OnSite that I am preparing for. Next week is tree drop off and decorating. I am looking forward to it but it is also a source of stress because of everything else that is going on next week.
While snooping on their website I found that you can have your birthday at Ikea! Now that's pretty cool! Unfortunately I am not between the ages of 5 and 12 so I don't qualify but still... cool! It sure beats McDonald's!

Crunch Time!

Recipe for a stressful next week*:

1 lymph drainage written
1 lymph drainage final
1 PD assignment worth 5% of final mark
1 A&P mid quarter worth 15% of final mark
1 Pain and Stress assignment worth 30% of final mark
1 Systemic Pathology mid term worth 20% of final mark
3 work days

Mix all together in a 5 day span and you will get a lovely stressed out, overly sensitive Janelle. Yeah I almost burst into tears today while performing lymph drainage on a class mates leg. But I reasoned that I didn't have time to cry because they I might miss something that might be on either the final written or OP. When reason wore thin, I turned into a goof and imitated the announcer from Iron Chef "Today's special ingredient is CORN STAARRCCCHHHH." (yeah there was cornstarch everywhere, we use it on our hands so that they are not tacky and glide nicely on the skin.... works wonders, makes a mess and entertains the crap out of me).

Just two and half weeks then it's break time. I've promised myself that I would spend an entire day watching House and cuddling with Justin. Hopefully he agrees.

*This is all I have to do next week... this week we have lymph drainage all week and if I fail this, I will have to do it over in level 600 when I should be reviewing and prepping for boards.

Wine please?

There's an open bottle upstairs with my name on it... I also feel like I am not going to be able to sleep tonight... so that bottle seems really quite appealing right now. But I am being good. I am not going to drink because I have my first class of lymph drainage tomorrow. I am looking forward to it and think it will be very interesting. So why can't I drink? Well I've noticed that when I have wine (or any alcohol for that matter) or caffeine I become less aware and patient with my therapeutic modalities. And being lymph drainage is one that requires a lot of patience and focus drinking wine is not really an option. Same goes for craniosacral therapy (which are all day Friday...). Really, I just want to go out for a drink sometime, catch up with friends and do the December thing of eat, drink and be merry. But that will have to wait until after the 23rd...

Like I said...

DO NOT PROCRASTINATE!

Just 5 short days after my last blog post about not procrastinating, I've done it again. I have to present a systemic pathology assignment on hypothyroidism this morning and I am still working on the class hand out.
Sure I already know what material I am going to present and I even made up a hypothyroidism bingo as a review but I am still working on the darn thing a couple of hours before I have to leave home. Slick.
Anyways I feel good about this project and am really quite happy. Justin came by despite me trying to be all studious n stuff (I gave him the green light... I don't like weekends where we just get to see each other for 24 hours... now we get to see each other for 48 hours with a school day thrown in there). It was great to have him here... especially because we had the place to ourselves. ;)

What are the chances?

That I'd message someone on CraigsList about a Christmas tree stand and they would happen to be engaged to someone who works with someone on the Strathcona Mental Health Team who also works at InSite who can drop off the Christmas tree stand on Monday?! Oh and they're so awesome that they want to donate the stand!? Not very likely! But it happened and I am so amazed by the kindness and fantasticness of people (and of flukey coincidences).
I've had quite good feedback about this whole X-mas at OnSite thing and I am feeling quite positive. It makes me smile inside. Anyways it's late, I was up early, time for bed. Good Night :D

Christmas time!!!

Around Christmas time I try to focus some of my energy towards helping others. In the past couple of years I've volunteered to gift wrap for Canuck Place at Oakridge mall. That was fun... especially dealing with the procrastinators :) Money doesn't seem to be a problem with them and will throw any sum at you as long as you can wrap quickly and make it look good. It was also fun to joke around with the guys and ask them if they wanted me to make it look like they wrapped it themselves. It's definitely a fun environment to work in.
This year I've changed my focus. With my new found interest with addiction and substance abuse, I thought it would be kind of nice to do something for those who will be staying at OnSite during Christmas time. I suggested this to the coordinator at OnSite and she gave me the green light!
So here's what I am going to do! I am going to get a Christmas tree (a fresh one so it will smell nice) and some decorations and we're going to give them a beautiful Chirstmas tree! On Christmas eve day (or Christmas day... depending on whether I am going to Bellingham or not on the 25th) I am going to go delivery presents and fresh baked goods! Yeah, I think that would make for a pretty good Christmas.
So here's where I need your help!
For the gifts, I am collecting men and women's clothing that are new or used (but looks relatively new), tuques, scarves, gloves, mittens, books. If you do not have any clothing or books to give, you can also donate money. This money will be used to buy more tuques, scarves, gloves... etc. Also if people would like to come over on the 23rd after I am finished school (6pm) and bake along to some Christmas tunes... they're more then welcome to come and help! Oh! If someone has a tree stand that they want to give away... we'll take it!
If you want to help, leave a comment and I will contact you. You can also e-mail me at aussiejanelle@hotmail.com. With every one's help we can make quite a few people very happy this Christmas! I will keep blogging about this as I make progress.

*I've already received one donation! That's $20 towards the OnSite Christmas! Thank you :)

Bittersweet

With my passion with cooking, you'd think this entry would be about chocolate... but it's not. It's about something that happened yesterday at OnSite. I'd been treating this client for 6 or 7 weeks now and we've made remarkable progress together. They've also done a great job at taking care of themselves and seem to be taking a really positive path. I've known for a couple of weeks now that this particular client would be moving on to something else and I was excited for them.
Yesterday at OnSite was awesome (as it always is). I wasn't meant to go back but Andrea and I switched shifts... so she will be at George Pearson and I will stay at OnSite! We didn't think the Dean would agree to this but he did and it's made us both very very happy! Anyways I was tremendously grateful to be at OnSite and doing the work that I was doing. It touched me deeply and I think that may have been why I was extra sensitive. Either that or the lack of sleep... or a combination of both.
Well I saw this client for the last time and I asked them how they were doing. They expressed that they were feeling anxious and a bit nervous about their departure. I totally understood and I wanted to give them a hug. But of course, with boundaries and stuff, I didn't. I gave the best grounding massage that I could give yet still was kind of upset that it would be my last treatment with this client.
I spoke about this to an other health care professional and they told me to focus on the positive. That this individual is getting better and has made huge changes in their life. I like looking at it that way, however, I also really enjoyed working with that client.
I'll get over it. I know. I've had to part with other clients that have moved on (at Aurora and other outreaches) and I was fine. It's just always hard. I am not too sure if this gets easier... I don't know if I want it to get easier. I think it shows that I am human and I care. When we get numb to parting with someone that you've worked with then I feel that it makes you a little bit less of a compassionate therapist. And that's what I want to be.

On the verge

of tears and wanting to hermit all day. Again... just one of those days. I am really liking that "these days" are coming around less and less often but it still sucks when they do. Yesterday I spent the day at the verge of tears. I just figured I was tired. Today, with plenty of sleep, I just want to hide in my room and sleep. I have a mid quarter today which I haven't studied for. I am sending it out to the universe that our teacher is sick and postpones the mid quarter. After all she didn't show up for work yesterday.

Text messages that make me smile...

"Hey darling! how was your day? I did get to play with fishes today. Lots of fish sex ;) love you."

Yes Justin has a very interesting job... today he got to help fish make babies at a fish farm. It doesn't sound as romantic as it's cracked up to be but it sure makes for interesting days at work!

Bed...

I can't remember when the last time was that I stayed up this late... I can't form sentences or a thought. My mind is mush and I want to go to bed. But before I do, I wanted to blog to remind myself NOT TO PROCRASTINATE!
What I thought was a book report that may take one to two hours to complete ended up taking me 10! Ok so I hadn't written a book report since grade 7 and apparently a lot has changed since then. In the end I am happy with what I put together. I am also really happy (and thankful) that Dasha has the patience to spend an hour and a half with me correcting the damn thing. She would laugh when I used terms as "feelings ballooned" or "renders a normal functioning individual into a mere empty husk". So my book reports are colourful! it makes it more interesting then the regular blah blah blah of intelligent linearly minded people.
Ok bed now! Awake way too early to study for Wednesdays mid quarter.

Good Idea... Bad Idea...

Good Idea: Saving Money.
Bad Idea: Eating salmon/rice dinner that was made last Thursday even though it smelt fishy and possibly bad when there are two assignments and one mid quarter to study for.

Now I feel like my insides are trying to make their way outside... and I have to work on those two assignments AND study for a hand full of mid quarters/quizzes. Winter break is a month away... but even that isn't worth counting down because we have a mid term on the 23rd of December. Our winter break is also our study break and we have a week of class before finals on the 2nd week of January.

On the up side, the rest of level 500 will FLY by and I will be in level 600 very soon! Hooray! :)

Lost cell phone

This morning I was rushing around trying to find my darn cell phone. After about 15 minutes I decided to go to school without it. It's not that I would miss any important phone calls or anything like this. What made me upset was knowing that I would have to go the day without text messages from Justin. A couple words from him can get me through the day and it's become important to me. It just struck me this morning that I was fussing so much just to get those couple of text messages :)

Study buddy!

I got one! And she's pretty cool! She is also sleeping right now :) Maja and I got together last night for some Indian food and studying. It was pretty great! Being we had so much time to study one subject we would study for an hour and then break for an hour... our breaks consisted of looking through all of our Hawaii 2008 photos. It was fantastic! We relived some pretty awesome moments :) We also got so much accomplished in terms of studying. Our OP is in a couple of hours and we're ready to rock it!
We found a the key to studying... caffeinated tea after dinner and a glass of wine before bed. Yes, we even stopped at just a glass. The caffeine still won at the end of it because after laying there for 15 minutes/ half an hour we started chatting again and talked until the wee hours of the morning. My internal alarm still woke me at 5:30 and I was able to get a touch more review in.
We agreed that we should start doing this until we write our boards in September. Mondays will be the evenings we get together for study time... which is great because we are on the same level and learn the same way. We also come up with the stupidest things to remember muscles or other things and it really sticks.
So other then studying nothing really has been new in my life. I've fallen into a comfortable groove of study, sleep, get up very early, study, school... until the weekend which is... meet Justin after school, spend Saturday night together, all of Sunday together (which mostly consists of cuddle time and time at the market) and then Monday is a mix of work and homework. It's a very repetitive life but I like it... most of all I am enjoying being at school and that is a really refreshing change! I think the unconditional love and support that I get from Justin really helps! I am one very luck lady :)

You would think it would be scary...

..to be looking up information about Canadians immigrating to the USA, Americans immigrating to Canada and Americans and Canadians getting married and what that means in respect to where they can live. But really it wasn't. It was comforting to know that Justin passed the test as a skilled worker and can most likely move to Canada without too much hassle. Now where life will take us in the next two to three years? We don't know. But we are open to the many possibilities that await us. For now we're just thinking short term, like finishing school and traveling. However that crazy urge to travel is not so crazy any more. I am starting to feel like just being with Justin will make me happy no matter where we are. It's a strange feeling but it's one that has been around for the past couple of days. Maybe those feelings will keep evolving, I don't know. But so far it's interesting and it's comforting. It's lovely and it makes me happy.

Because I am good at that too!

There are many thing that I am good at. But one of my hidden talents is the creation of cavities. I even impress my dentist. For someone who does not drink coffee or soda pop, eat candy or any of those other cavity inducing pleasures I sure as heck manage to come up with my fair share. Today's count... 3 1/2! When I said "I managed to create 4 cavities!" my dentist replied with a chuckle "No, just three... one is a maybe." I am glad she's thinking positive! Last time I was in to visit her was to get 3 cavities filled. It just seems to be my lucky number. And yes, I brush twice daily (sometimes more if I have clinic or a manual class which is quite often) and use mouth rinse. I don't floss. I hate flossing! But I am going to try to make it habit... at the rate I am going I won't have any real teeth left! I will also start wearing my mouth guard again... at least on week days (mouth guards aren't the sexiest thing... so when Justin is around, the mouth guard is out). Apparently I am still grinding my teeth and have done a nice job at making them nice and smooth. What can I say? I like soft things :)

Perfect weekend

It's been one perfect weekend after an other filled with busy week days in between. My time together with Justin is always something that I look forward tremendously and it's a wonderful reward for working hard all week.
This weekend it was especially nice three days off. This meant that we got to spend extra time together :) With one day filled with a visit to the market, a nap and hanging out naked together and the other day filled with lounging around then going to North Vancouver for lunch in the sunshine and some lacey things shopping... it really doesn't get better then that. I am sure eventually we will become productive together but for now it's nice to spend some time doing nothing much but enjoy each others company.
Today he went back to the states and I hit the books. I've got a mid term tomorrow which I wasn't too afraid about until 5 hours into my study time and I still haven't finished reviewing the first class. It seems simple. We've covered Bell's Palsy, Trigeminal Neuralgia and Thoracic Outlet Syndrome. However somehow that amounted to over 60 pages of notes. So I am stressing. I read but it feels like nothing is going in. Most likely because I am stressing... and because it is neuro.
Somewhere in level 200, 300 and 400 I shut off neuro and I don't remember much because I was so intimidated... anyways I think that's what happened because I seem to have caught the dumb when it comes to anything neuro related. Being this class builds on the basics I am kind of hooped.
Anyways I just have to make it through level 500, pass everything and hopefully I will be able to catch up in level 600 while we do our integration. If I can't catch up then... well I will have to make it through level 600 and I will have 4 months to relearn and integrate between May and September.
Well I am getting ahead of myself here... I should focus on tomorrow's mid term. I am just really glad that I don't have the oral practical until next week.

The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be.

Robert Fulghum

The day is here...

...that I go for cryotherapy of those darn little abnormal cells. It was fun while it lasted but it's time to part.
I haven't blogged about this issue for a while because I wasn't too sure what to think of it myself. After reading though my blog again (I had to do this for my clinic journaling, I wanted to put in my clinic journal bits anf pieces from my blog when I wrote about clinic) I was quite struck by a comment that I made earlier. I wrote "...I either have cancer or I don't.." I thought that this was quite a bold statement and I felt rather hurt by it. I still do. I don't think that is a positive way of thinking and I've been working on changing it.
I believe that if it was only the abnormal cells I would be a little more at ease with this situation but there is also a mysterious pain that we've (meaning naturopath and I) been trying to figure out. This is a pain that bothers me monthly (most often all month long but that's been changing) and drains me of energy. Chronic pain really sucks. We have ideas of the source of the pain but nothing conclusive as of yet. I've been trying all sorts of natural approaches and though the painful periods are decreasing in length the pain is still there.
One thing that I found to be quite interesting was that the mono that I had 5 years ago showed up on body scan. It was actually the number one problem. Apparently my body is still fighting the mono and while it's busy doing that other viruses or bacteria are able to do their thing. So the new approach... get rid of mono so my body can focus on the other things that are going on within me.
Anyways today will be interesting. I got a voice mail from the gyno office yesterday saying that they still needed that referral from the doctor. A doctors referral only lasts 6 months. If that referral runs out you need to get a new one. This make sense... sort of. Because if you are seeing the specialist often and chose to get continued care though this specialist (as I am with my gyno) after 6 months you need to get a new referral even though you are still seeing the specialist and the specialist agrees that you should keep seeing them. I think it's a bit of a useless Dr.'s visit. But I didn't argue. I do what I have to do and went to the doctor in early September to make sure that this referral had plenty of time to get to the gyno's office (it only has 2 blocks to go... if it went by dust mite it should be there by now). So anyways I have to track down this referral. Hopefully the Dr's office forgot to fax the gyno's office and that I don't have to go in for a referral before 2:30 this afternoon. I am already missing class as it is. I don't want to miss more then I have to.
Anyways we'll see how things go. I have a feeling it will all work out.

Right...

So I FINALLY got my marks back for that fascial OP that I first wrote about here... then followed up that post a day later with this one. After the speech I stopped stressing about my results but I was still very curious to see whether I had passed or totally bombed the darn thing! And I passed! Not only did I pass, I kind of did really well and am quite proud of myself. With 94% in the written and 80% in the OP* I feel better about my fascial skills.
I've also found that with this break I am more determined and am quite efficient with my study time. I am also learning a lot more in class because I actually want to be there and I'm asking questions. I am also answering questions even though I am unsure of myself. Before I would only answer if I knew my answer was right (which wasn't very often) because I was afraid people would think I was stupid. But I figure I am in school now so now's the time to mess up when I have people around me that can correct me. I think this will make me a better therapist in the long run.
Clinic has also changed. I find myself more confident and am tackling people's problems head on. I'm treating not only with the standard Swedish techniques (which is my comfort zone because I know I can do those well) but I am also throwing in muscle energy, fascial and other techniques that I am less confidant with. I figure now is the time to practice. I am also finding myself telling me clients that "Next week we're going to work on...". So without really knowing it I'm already building up long term goals and I am telling my clients about it. Voicing long term goals to my clients was something I never had the courage to do before this term.
So far I like these changes. They definitely seem to be for the better. I am also getting excited about my future as a therapist because I am starting to see value in the work that I do. I think the next year will be very interesting for me.

*OP - oral practical

Oh dear...

After a full day at school (including a full clinic shift) I was quite stoked to get home and study for the A&P mid quarter tomorrow. Being super hungry I ate lots! I even treated myself to a bowl of ice cream :) It was delicious! Now I sit here. Stuffed. My mind as weighed down as my body. I am SO tempted to go to sleep right now! But no! I have am determined to study for this darn mid quarter! Ah how I enjoy being at school :)

Not on the ball

I just realized today that we have a mid quarter in anatomy and physiology on Friday. Today is Wednesday and I haven't had the chance to study since the quiz we had last week. I am proud of myself for spending a couple of hours on tomorrow's assignment but I still haven't touched A&P. I think for the first time in my study career I am going to place my A&P notes under my pillow tonight in hopes that I can learn though diffusion.
Maybe sometime between clinical integration and clinic I can find some time to study. Fingers crossed that tomorrow's clinic isn't too busy.

Changes Part II

At the beginning of the month I wrote about some changes that were going to take place in the massage therapy profession. On October 26th there was a meeting to discuss how we're going to adapt to these changes. We do not have a choice, Registered Massage Therapists (RMT's) will be able to go from regulated province to regulated province without writing other examinations or getting temporary licences. This will take effect in April 2009. So how do we, as a profession in the province adapt to these changes? Well it's the CMT*, our regulatory board, that gets to decide this. It is definitely not an easy position to be in and I do not envy them at this moment. I do, however, admire them because the decisions they will be making will impact many and they have and most likely will meet some resistance because of these decisions.
Though we do not know the outcome of the October 26th meeting, there was an e-mail that was sent out by the MTA** to several RMT's and student RMT's. This e-mail did not contain all the information for change and it sure ruffled a few feathers.
From what I've learned, it looks like the changes BC will have to make is to change the program from a 3 000 hour program to a 2 200 hour program. Ontario will make it mandatory for it's schools to be accredited in order to be registered. Both are huge changes but I think it's a happy medium.
Registering our profession nationally will be beneficial in many ways. Clients will have a larger selection of RMT's to chose from, all of which are very knowledgeable. As massage therapists, we will be able to move around with less hassle. Massage therapy is also seen as more of a luxury by having it more of it accessible, it'll be available for more therapeutic use. More massage therapists more competitive prices (hopefully... I am just guessing considering this is what happens with pretty much anything else in the economy).
On November 3rd the CMT will vote on how they should adapt to these changes. I am looking forward to hearing about what will happen to our profession. If we do go from a 3 000 hour program to a 2 200 hour program what does this mean for me?
By the end of level 500 I will most likely have 2 200 hours of education (I have not counted yet... but it feels about right, if not longer). Level 600 is mostly review. We learn a couple new things in professional development and arthrotides but those are the only two classes (to my knowledge) that we would be missing out on (even then we could most likely learn them in a really intense week or two). No level 600 means I would finish in mid January and could write my board exams in mid February. If I can write and be registered in February HOORAY! If not or if I fail, then nothing has changed. I take those 7 months to work and review so that I am ready for the boards in September***.
I am really excited to see the changes that are to come. I am not one who will be signing petitions, joining facebook groups, calling or sending e-mails to the CMT about the hour change (this seems to be one of the hottest topics). If anything you'll most likely find me sending them an e-mail of encouragement for the times to come. As far as I know, we're pretty lucky to be in the position that we're in and we have the power to either change it or fight it. Fighting it could lead to something really ugly and quite frankly, that is not what I am interested in.

*CMT - College of Massage Therapists
**MTA - Massage Therapy Association
*** Board examinations for RMT's are twice a year; in February and September. If you fail in February, you have to wait until September to wright again.

DDDUUUUUDDDDEEEE!

I was sitting on the bus this morning, on my way to school, when I notice two young men get on the bus. I immediately noticed that they both looked quite high. Or did they look tired? I look around at the rest of the sleepy souls on the bus and I decide that they were most likely high. By this time they'd shuffled back far enough to be standing right in front of where I was sitting. After some spacey swaying around, the short guy says to the tall guy in an attempted whisper "Dduuuuuudddee I am SO high! heh heh". Unable to contain it, I smile and think of how I sure as heck couldn't afford to kill a brain cell.
Shortly after we drove by an older gentleman with a long white beard and A SANTA HAT! For a moment, I thought I was high as well! But my eyes hadn't deceived me. There was an older man with a santa hat and a long beard. The guys also noticed this and were beside themselves. It was really funny to watch and it sure put a smile on my face before I got to school.

Seriously!

Why is it that every time I sit down to study my brother plays trance music really loud! Damn.

My mind wandered. I brought it back to the treatment, frustrated at myself that I was so spacey. I closed my eyes and focused. Imagined what I was feeling, the layers of skin, muscle and fascia. I focused my intentions on the fascia and envisioned it melting. Nothing. I hung out there. Waiting. Then slowly things start to move, fascia starts to "melt" and I feel the release. Still focused, I am surprised to see Minette pop up. I see her on the metal table at the veterinary's office. My eyes level with hers. Holding my hands against her, feeling her fur. Her sweet gaze is so familiar and I miss it. I feel tears coming and then I remind myself of where I am. I tell Minette that I love her and will relive this memory but later. Right now I am in treatment with a client and I cannot be distracted. With that I snap out of my head and am back as the therapist. I finish the treatment proud of myself and of my client. We did fantastic work together and I look forward to seeing her again. Now that clinic is done for the day, I allow myself to think of Minette a little and what the significance of the event while I was treating meant.
I'm not too sure why that little memory chose to come up at that time but it did and it reminded me that I haven't dealt with that part of Minette's death. I haven't really had time since then either but tonight I am taking the time. I am really glad I went to the vet with Minette on that last day. I just find it hard so I don't like to remember it. I've pushed aside the memory but I think it's something I've got to deal with and it's something I want to put in writing.
I may have already blogged about how Minette looked at me with accepting and understanding eyes while we were at the vet. But it's how she acted too. She was so calm. I remember sitting there, slouched so I could be at eye level with her and looking at her and loving her with my gaze. I held her, my touch telling her that it was ok, that she was loved and will be loved for long after she's gone. Her little body on my lap while the vet injected her. Her last breath. Her limp body. The love I could still feel eventhough she was gone. The feeling of her warmth on my lap for the last time.
It all seems like it wasn't that long ago and I can still remember it clearly. I don't know if it was the fact that I woke up alone, without someone to cuddle this morning or if it was because I had this lingering memory of Minette but when I woke up this morning I was on the verge of tears. I felt that way for the rest of the morning. Luckily (or unluckily) we had professional development in the morning. Level 500 PD is all about death and dying so the intro was heavy and those tears that were keeping me company were cried.
I didn't share with the class what I was going through but I spoke to Maja over break. It helped to talk about it. It helps to write about it now. But I still don't know how and if I am dealing with this. I don't know what it is about the events that happened at the vet that make me feel the way I do. I also don't really know why I am still holding on so dearly to the memories of Minette. I love her. I miss her. And I really don't know what else I can do to make me feel better.

Happy Birthday to Me :)

So my birthday has already come and gone. Do I feel a year older? Not particularly. Would I want to celebrate other birthdays like the one that has just passed? Heck yeah :)
The Parade of Lost Souls was fun. It's always interesting to see other costumes and I particularly like large crowds so I was in my element. I would have loved to have stayed for the dancing afterwards but the October birthdays celebration was going on at our place. Justin and I managed to catch the 4th course and share in some birthday cake. It's kind of fun to get to celebrate 5 birthdays in one evening. Luckily most of the people are older so by midnight we were in bed. I was exhausted! The night before my cousin Michel, who was over visiting from Winnipeg, and I stayed up until 3am getting to know each other and solving the worlds problems. I feel very lucky that I was able to spend such quality time with him. Justin surprised me at midnight with a very pretty rose. A very sweet gesture to wish me a happy birthday.
It was awesome to wake up next to Justin on my actual birthday. We cuddled and stuff :) and then had brunch with the family. Not long after brunch we were back in bed for an nap... or sleep because I don't think naps are this long. Mom, Justin and I then walked to the grocery store to get things for dinner, we cooked, ate and played cards. Presents and cake to top off the evening and I was back in Justin's arms. A nice low key birthday with those I love... it's just what I wanted and it's what I got.
I was very lucky because Justin had Monday off. We started it sleeping in, went for brunch at the market, walked around Stanley park, went to the aquarium, to Denman st. for dinner and the cuddles on the couch while we watched some movies. He tucked me in before he left for Bellingham and cuddled with me until I was almost asleep.
I am finding it harder and harder to part with him at the end of our time together. I am looking forward to the end of school (6 and a half more months!!) when I won't be thinking of all the studying I should be doing. I will be able to enjoy my time with him without feeling terribly irresponsible. Ah soon :)

A mew

I was sitting at my computer doing my thing when I heard a mew. I thought I'd imagined it so I stopped what I was doing and I heard it again. I paused, looked out the window and saw nothing but the cat kept mewing.
Being I still miss Minette terribly and miss cuddle time I decided to go out and investigate. Maybe the kitty was nice and I could cuddle it. I went outside and saw it in the construction site next to our place. I called out to it. It didn't move. I walked closer and then it ran towards me making little purrmeow sounds. I sat in front of my house with this cat for 20 minutes. It would walk around me and rub itself against me and let itself get pet. I tried to pick it up but I wasn't that lucky.
I remembered that we had left over meat from dinner so I ran in to get it. The cat was fat but it didn't have a collar so I figured I should feed it in case it didn't have a home. When I came out, I saw a man on our street and no cat. I walked out to the sidewalk and saw the cat run towards me. I asked the man if it was his cat. He said yes.
Him and his cat go for walks every night at about 10:30pm. The cat leads, the man follows. But tonight the cat wanted to go for a walk a little earlier. They live near by and have for the past two years. I told him about Minette. He said I could come out and pet his cat when ever I wanted to.
I found it nice that I was able to spend some time with a cat. Sure it wasn't Minette but it was a cat. I kind of hope that it will come by and mew at my window some other night. It was a nice surprise. I kind of wonder what the man did for 20 minutes while I sat there petting and talking to his cat. It doesn't matter.
I miss Minette and I want an other cat. I don't know if I'd get a cat to replace Minette or if I would be emotionally capable of separating the two. I did quite well with this evening's cat. I didn't cry. Ok well I did but it was only after Mom greeted me at the front door when I came back in. She found it strange that all the doors of the house were left open and I wasn't home. When I told her what happened, she hugged me and I cried a little.
Anyways... do I want an other cat? Yes. Will I get one? No, not yet. I have plans to travel within the next year or so and will be gone for more then a month so I don't think it would be fair to leave the cat alone. Really, that's the only thing holding me back. I miss the company of a furry friend.

One more

I added one more blanket added to my bed tonight. I now sleep with a sheet, two blankets and a duvet. It's getting pretty chilly in the basement and I sort of like it (when I am warm... not when I am freezing like I was last night). Normally I'd switch to flannel sheets but I think if I did Justin wouldn't sleep with me anymore. Maybe I should just sleep with less sheets and more Justin.
In other blanket related news... Linens and Things is going out of business and have everything on sale! This is bad news because L&T was fun! But it's also good news because as a massage therapist in training you always need new sheets and pillow cases... also as someone who gets cold really easily you can never have enough blankets and pillows :)

OnSite

Yesterday was our 2nd clinic shift at OnSite and again I am blown away by the effect that this place has on me.
It's strange. The interaction with the people there is like no other group that I've worked with before. Sure it's a little similar to Aurora but the energy is very different. I had a feeling that it might be hard to put how I felt and what the OnSite experience is like into words and I was right. It's just different. It's also uplifting to work with the people there. It's really nice to see that they recognize that their body needs to detox and they voluntarily check themselves in for a detox. Some move on to a drug free life and others go back on the street. It's a very difficult situation for those who live on the street. For most of them that's all they know. Some were put on the streets at the age of 12 and at the age of 63 they find themselves detoxing and wanting to change. It's immense the strength that it takes! So for those who end up back on the streets I don't really feel sad. I feel like they are on the right path and it may take them a try or two (or three or four...) to make a change. Others may not. But I am glad that they have a place to go to if they feel like they need a break from the streets. A place where they can go to get in touch with their bodies and cleanse themselves if only temporarily.
Yesterday I had an experience that I never had before. Usually we go in there to do two treatments on the 2nd floor (the 1st floor is InSite and we don't work there) and then we have a quick break to move our chairs to the 3rd floor, do some charting then get ready for our other two guests. By the time our shift is over, we pack up our stuff and head back to school for more charting and a little debriefing. This time, as we were putting our things away, a couple of gentlemen (also clients of ours, unfortunately we don't have the time to see everyone who would like to get a treatment) were watching the Canucks game. The four of us took the time to chat with the guys about the game and about who was winning. Unfortunately it wasn't the Canucks but that didn't matter to me. It was nice to step out of my therapist role and get to talk to them about something other then their aches and pains.
OnSite has a lot of controversy and I can understand why. But I'd be curious to see what people would say if they actually went to Onsite and saw what it was like. Sure it's no holiday but the energy is relatively positive and you can see a glimmer of life in their eyes. In a society where we think that beauty is prefect straight teeth and clear beautiful skin, I'd challenge that because I'd rather see the occasional true missing teeth smile then a straight fake smile.

Packing for the weekend

My Passport and Big Red and friends are ready to go for this weekend. I'm heading up to Bellingham again to be with Justin. I am looking forward to this weekend. All we have planned is cuddles, movies, carving pumpkins and maybe a hike or two. I am also planning on doing some homework... my some I mean lots.

Determined

This morning I woke up early with a smile. Life was good. Even the lack of hot water for a shower this morning did not dampen my spirits. I was uplifted by thoughts of my future. Possible partnerships and business plans. I could see that there was a place out there for a therapist like me. A place where I can thrive and show people what my hands and I can do.
I went to school happy, listening to my music. I walked to school part of the ways because I loved the feeling of the rain. People looked at me strangely because I had a smile on and was splashing around in puddles. I got to school early but stayed outside in the rain in the courtyard. I walked in puddles, watched the rain fall and make pretty patterns in the puddles and water fountain.
Class started and both Randy (the Dean) and Annette were there. Randy asked us if we had thought about yesterdays final. He did not seem happy. Initially no one answered but slowly we started saying how we felt that we had messed up. Him and Annette were both VERY disappointed about our performances. Not only were they disappointed but they were worried for us as therapists. Going in to boards with the hands on skills we have now he said we'd be sure to fail. My happy mood quickly exploded and I felt angry and lost and exposed and naked. For half an hour we got "the talk". By the end, I was in tears, my stomach had sunk to my toes. He gave us 15 minutes to regroup (because we were all quite shaken) and during this time I called Justin.
I was so upset that I had trouble speaking (when I cry I lose ability to speak, it kinda sucks cuz it makes it seem worse then it actually is). While in class I couldn't quite pin why this shook me so hard. Finally, with Justin on the line I was able to verbalize why I felt the way I did.
Since I've been back at school, I've dealt with a lot. Initially I thought my therapist hands had turned into oaf hands. After a couple days back, I felt that my hands weren't oaf hands but I had lost my confidence as a therapist. I was second guessing myself and didn't give myself enough credit for what I knew/remembered. So I've been dealing with this lack of confidence. I know it'll come back eventually I just have to learn to trust the therapist within me. This was why the OP was quite a big deal for me. Here I was, back at school with not too much confidence and I'm already being tested. It was tough but considering what I had been though I felt like the outcome of the final was better then I thought. Confidence slightly restored, I was happy.
So it wasn't so much that I may have to redo the final exam. That's ok. I make mistakes. That's why I am in school. It was more the fact that I thought I was on the right track and I was starting to feel confident again and it was smashed.
It was smashed pretty hard this morning. I temporarily doubted my abilities and worth as a therapist. Over lunch, I went for a walk in the rain to try to restore my spirits. While on my walk I realized that I didn't want to quit. I will show them what kind of therapist I can be. I will blow them away and be fucking awesome. The more they try to break me down, the harder I am going to fight. I can do this, I know I can.
During the afternoon class I found myself answering questions even though I wasn't sure of myself. I also asked more questions even if I thought they might be really basic and that I should know the answer. Being quiet and unsure of myself won't get me anywhere. I've got to speak up and not be afraid to be wrong. Now's the time. I am still in school.
Anyways now we'll see how long this determination lasts. I hope at least until the board exams, maybe longer. But I really really want to show them that I can be a great therapist and that I can be better then they think I am.

Your black and white needs a little bit of red

Last night I passed out early because it had been a long (yet very good) day. I woke up this morning to the sound of Serena Ryder quietly serenading me through my alarm clock. The song Little bit of Red was playing and I was quite impressed. I had never heard of Serena Ryder but so far I like her music.
Getting up to study at 2am was a great idea. I enjoyed the quietness and kept really focused during the entire time. I managed to go through 38 pages of notes and summarize them in 9 pages. I was so proud of myself! That kind of stuff usually takes forever. So apparently morning study is for me.
The written exam went really well and I feel quite confident with the answers I gave. I don't have my mark yet but I've got a good feeling. I had about an hour and a half of down time before it was my turn to do my OP (oral practical - basically this is the hands on portion of the exam but you also have to give answers out loud which often gives you time to fumble and say something really stupid.). During that time all the girls stayed together and we just tossed around information back and forth. The feeling in the room was one of nervousness but the energy was also positive and light. About twenty minutes before my OP, I stopped studying and all of us just talked and laughed and were having a good time.
Margaret was the first to have her OP (me second) and when she came in, she looked like she'd just seen a dead person. She said it was probably the hardest OP she had every done and was what she imagined the board OPs were like. This OP was a little different because we were performing the techniques on the Dean and an other very respected teacher, Annette, was examining us. That makes for two very intimidating people! And OPs are scary enough as it is!
All of a sudden all the information that was in my mind ran away in fear. I knocked on the door to come in and I was told to wait outside for a little while longer. I replied with a barely audible trembling squeak. Fuck! Damn nerves. I took a couple of deep breaths but that didn't help so I did the wood chopper (inhale bringing hands above your head and exhaling moving into a forward bend - kinda like an extreme wood chopper I guess). I did this until I started to feel light headed. That managed to calm me.
The door opened and I saw Fina* there. Somehow the knowledge came back and I felt quite confident about what I did. My trembling voice went away after a while and I was able to palpate and identify all of the land marks that I was given. Sure I maybe screwed up muscle testing upper trapezius and I also did two very basic mistakes. Considering you get 20 minutes to incriminate yourself I feel I did quite well.
After that it was off to work to do 5 hours of work and then to top off my ultra long day I went and saw Jane at SugarBox for my monthly grooming. I gotta say, getting my girly bits waxed after such a long day was the last thing I wanted to do but Jane is such an awesome person that it's great to get to work with her. I am also super proud of SugarBox! She came in 2nd in the Best of Vancouver choice award. So if you're humming and hawing about where to go to get your girly bits waxed. Go to SugarBox!
K, I gotta get ready for school. TMJ treatment class today (and for the rest of the week)! I am looking forward to this one! Justin has a very clicky jaw and I am afraid that if I kiss him too hard it'll fall apart. Maybe this will give me a better idea of what's happening to my sweetie.

*Fina is Annette's dog. She's at school quite often and is such a sweet heart. Last week I cuddled with her and buried my face in her fur and cried because I missed Minette and she reminded me of having a furry little pet. So I am especially fond of Fina because she is now my replacement for a pet.

Awake!

And feeling like a ray of sunshine! Ok a tired and slightly hungry ray of sunshine but feeling pretty good none the less. My internal alarm clock woke me up at 2 instead of 3 (which is when I set me alarm for). It's quite chilly out so I lay in bed for 20 minutes or so before actually getting up. Being I got up early I decided it's ok to fart around on the Internet for a bit before getting things going. I might even start some laundry and have breakfast before 3. We'll see :)

First final tomorrow

And I just had Spinal treatment and A&P today. My brain is done! It's just about 5pm and I am already in my PJ's ready for bed. Tomorrow I have to make sure to drag myself out of bed when my alarm rings. 2am or 3am, I haven't decided yet. Maybe 2:30.
This week we welcomed the new level 100. There are so many of them that there are two classes! Sure that's only 31 students but compared to our 8 student classes that's a lot of fresh blood. They're so cute :) all bright eyed with big smiles. Eager. It's quite nice to see.
My new class is thoroughly awesome! The girls are so fantastic I feel very privileged! Today while in A&P class, I got a little chilly so I put my wrist warmers (thanks Gillian) and hat on and one of the girls put a blanket around me! I thought it was so sweet. Everyone seems to take care of each other. The environment is very supportive. They are also super duper smart so it makes me want to be smarter and study harder.
Speaking of study harder I should get to bed... maybe read my notes over before sleep.

Collapse

At the beginning of relationships I build a wall so that I don't get hurt. The relationship goes on, the wall gets harder to hold up. Until it collapses and I am myself. This switch has been the end of some relationships but it has also strengthened others.

We will see where Justin and I go from here. But right now I feel vulnerable and scared. It sucks. I didn't realize that I did this until last night. Looking back on past relationships, I can see that I've done the same. I could write a lot yet at the same time I don't want to because it exposes a side of me that I don't particularly like. One that is more vulnerable and it's not something I like to be.

HOCKEY!

Canucks play their first season game tonight! WOO! So what do I do?

Eat. Study. Watch 1st period. Study. Watch 2nd period. Study. Watch 3rd period. Study. Sleep

Hockey season is back! Yay! Justin comes over tomorrow. Double Yay!

Changes

Like everything in life, things change and the massage therapy profession is facing some really exciting times. Sure there will most likely be some bumps along the way but in the long run I think this will be for the better.
As it stands, students who study massage therapy in British Columbia get 3 000 hours of education (or more depending on the place of learning...), students in Ontario, Newfoundland and Labrador - which are the only other regulated provinces - have around 2 200 hours of education. When a student who has studied in an other regulated province comes to BC and wants to work, they are granted a temporary license and have 18 months to do some upgrading and then they have to take an board exam on their newly acquired knowledge.
With the growth and aging of the population the demand for massage therapists is increasing. So much so that we are not capable to keep up. Especially here in BC where there are 2099 Registered Massage Therapists (one of which is Darla who passed her board exams and is now an RMT! Congratulations Darla :)). There are 8250 in Ontario alone. So what the government wants to do is that they want to make things even across the country. They want people who have studied in Ontario* to be able to come and work in BC without any trouble.
This is great because that would allow the public to have a larger choice of RMT's to chose from and it would allow the RMT's to move without having to worry about upgrading.
This may also change things for the unregulated provinces such as Alberta. There, massage therapists have an education of 1 000 hours.
So what do we do about the difference in education? What would prevent someone from going to Ontario to do their education then come back to BC to practice? Now this is where things are going to change. I don't know what they changes are going to be but I will be very interested in watching the progression.
On October 26th the powers that be (schools, college of massage therapy - which is the regulatory board for massage therapy here in BC... etc.) will get together to try to find suggestions for change. As the general public, students or even massage therapists, we are not allowed to be present at this meeting. We will just have to wait and see what they come up with.
Am I at all upset or frustrated that this shift is happening while in school? I mean I could have paid less for my education and may have gone to school for less then 3 000 plus hours. Nope. I am happy the way I have it. I really like the way the program that I am in is structured (despite the headaches, sleepless nights, hours of stress... it's all part of being a student) and feel that I am really fortunate to be going to school in such an exciting time.
By April 2009, massage therapists from Ontario, Newfoundland and Labrador will be able to come and practice here in BC so the changes in the profession will have to happen quickly. It'll be interesting to see what's on the horizon.

*and Newfoundland and Labrador as well.

Today's morning study time was brought to you by the muscle Levator Labii Superioris Alaeque Nasi

Damn! That just happened to be a muscle with a long name... they're really not all that complicated. This muscle just lifts the upper lip and flares the nostrils, nothing complicated.

Anyways I am back to watching the sunrise from my desk in the morning. So far I've managed to stay in the good habit of studying 3 muscles before leaving for school. I then review them before bed. Last night I rocked my 3 muscles! Remembered everything about them! Even innervation and arterial supply! Woo go me :)

Oaf hands

Getting back into routine was easy this morning. When the alarm went off at 5:45, my body knew what to do. I went through the motions and did it well. Sure I am a little less sharp but I still managed to get ready, make lunch and go over 3 muscles in my Musculoskeletal Anatomy Colouring book. When I was leaving the house, my heart ached because I am used to finding Minette, laying on the floor with her for a quick moment while I give her a quick pet and tell her that I love her. Instead when I left the room that her ashes were in, I said "Bye Minette, I love you." which is something I would also do every time I left the house. For some strange reason this never hit me before as hard as it did today.
School itself was like I never left. Our first class was mixed in with the level 600, Dea, the class I was previously in. So Pam, Maja and myself were together. It was great to be with the girls again, when we greeted each other with was with huge hugs that almost knocked each other off our feet. I sure am glad to be in class with Maja. Pam will be with us for an other 11 weeks then it's her turn to graduate!
My new class is awesome... though I already knew that I'd be going into an awesome class. They are very welcoming and their energy is very positive. I am finding that I am having to make a switch from a somewhat negative energy towards this whole process of going back to a positive one. I don't want to be a downer and I know that it is my choice as to whether this is a positive experience or a negative one.
During muscle energy technique class today I was pleasantly surprised to have Annette as an instructor. Yay! That made my first class much easier. She can hold my attention at the worst of times so it was good. She kept me on the ball. Half way through class I felt my brain become all charged... I could feel it working really hard, something I hadn't felt since I left back in May. When it came time to the practical work, I found that my rookie healing hands had transformed back into "big oaf hands" and my sense of touch and palpation skills had reduced significantly. This is unsurprising. In a couple of days we start fascial classes. This is a series of 6 classes geared towards a very subtle modality. I predict a bit of frustration on my part because I was pretty good at fascial before I left now my oaf hands and I will be nothing short of a disaster. Hopefully it will come back quickly.
Orientation for OnSite was great. It was nice to get an orientation, last term I was thrown in as a filler which was fantastic but I didn't really know how it all worked. Now I do and it's great to have a better understanding as to why individuals are there and where they can go from the detox program. George Pearson still has me nervous. More so now then ever. I am hoping that as I regain my confidence as a therapist I will feel more comfortable with this outreach. However I am nothing short of petrified. The place gives me the anxiety that I thought I had got rid of. I have 6 weeks of OnSite work before I go there to hopefully I can figure things out before then.
For now, I am going to continue my review of the male reproductive system. Where's Justin when I need him? *grin*

Smarter with every word

Did you know?
The testes develop near the kidneys and they usually being their descent into the scrotum during the latter half of the seventh month of fetal development?

Bet ya didn't. I found this out an hour ago. I also studied for an other hour before taking a quick blog break before hitting the books again in a couple of minutes. School is 16 hours away and I guess I am kind of nervous. I must be. Last night I dreamt that I was being followed by this half dead person that happened to resemble a certain staff member. This was no short dream too... it lasted all night! As soon as I closed my eyes again, there he was. I am sure going back won't be as bad as I think it is but for now it's got me nervous. Anyways I am quite ready and as the hours progress I will only become more so. Today I studied my three muscles, got my binders ready, found out what the mysterious MET (muscle energy technique) class was (first class tomorrow, I want to show up prepared) and so far have spent 3 hours studying the reproductive chapter. I get to take a nice long break in an hour when I head off for an hour and a half of yoga.... yay!
The weekend was awesome. Justin and I spent it together, going for a walk around Lynn Valley on Friday after work, doing some yoga on Saturday and celebrating Mom's birthday on Sunday. We also managed to fit in a lot of cuddle time which was great. The following 15 weekends will be interesting as I will have clinic on Saturday nights which means I am not out of school until 6 then I have Sunday and Monday off... Justin has Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Rats! We will figure something out!
I was quite stoked to find out that I actually get a Christmas break! WOO! Sure it's also our reading break but at least we get some time off. They also lengthened the term by a week. Ew. Unfortunately Student Loans hasn't come through for me this time so I am going to have to manage school, clinic, work and a long distance relationship. The next 8 months might be a bit of a challenge. I am up for it though! I've signed up for yoga to help me though all of this too. Gotta stay calm and focused. Speaking of calm and focused, I should hit the books again.

**Mt. Baker photos are up**

Totally Tronchular Man!

My sweetie surprised me today after work!!! It was so wonderful. I was going to send him a text message to see who was going to visit who this weekend when he showed up! His reasoning... it's our last weekend together, we may as well make it a long one. Great thinking sweetheart!Well I still hadn't started studying yet so we did a bit of studying together. He helped me review my 3 muscles. The arterial supply of the frontalis portion of occipitofrontalis is the supraorital and supratrochlear branches of the opthalamic artery... this transformed into the tronchlear branch which became our new expression "Totally tronchular man!" Studying with Justin is great :)

One week.

It has been one week since Minette has been gone. The week has gone by quickly. Tonight was the first night where I was able to read a comment from someone about Minette's death without crying. My eyes stung but they didn't spring a leak. I did not stop them either. Less crying is good. I'm dehydrated as it is.
I am working shorter shifts and getting more done. No studying yet. Tomorrow. I promise. Have I mentioned that I am the queen of procrastination?
I feel terribly exhausted. I don't know if it's because my health has been bothering me (this is an other story in itself... it almost deserves it's own blog... don't want to write about it because it would just be one giant bitch fest) or if it's because I am still feeling down about Minette.
Early to bed again tonight. Maybe I'll go now so that I can read an extra bit more (trying to finish some non school related stuff before school starts... this will prevent procrastination while in school.). I also have to read Darkness Visible by William Styron before professional development 500 begins. PD 500 will be all about death and how to cope as a therapist when one of our clients pass away. I am looking forward to PD 500 but it might bring up some things that are quite raw. I'll bring tissues.

Life goes on...

And so it does. Through all this life has managed to keep going. I've counted down the weeks until school starts and now I am counting down the days. With Justin having the week off, I had hoped to take part of the week off to spend some time with him before going back to school. My weekends will go back to being sunday and monday... he will have friday, saturday and sunday off... which means we only have sundays off together. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I don't have clinic on saturday evenings. This would give me a bit more time to go to Bellingham if I can manage a day away from school stuff.
I had also hoped to take the other part of this week off so that I could review and get settled and ready for school. All of this was working out because I had trained a new girl at work and she was doing a darn good job. Until she quit. Damn! So this week, instead of having it off, I am working. I'll be training someone new tomorrow. I've told myself that instead of working a 40 hour week, I will go into work, do my job then go home and catch up on things that need to be done.
That reproductive chapter that I wanted to self study before I went back to school... well that didn't fly. Sure I took my Anatomy and Physiology book on a couple of bus trips to and from work but never actually managed to study much. I opened it on a couple of lunch breaks only to say "fuck it!" to the whole thing because I hate settling in to study for only half an hour of work. I gotta be sitting there for at LEAST an hour, preferable two for me to actually get anything done. I also haven't reviewed muscles like I would have liked. But at least I sorted my flash cards. I also haven't reviewed my neurological treatment notes. Tuesday is my first day of clinic. It's also my first shift at George Pearson... which is all neuro stuff. Neuro stuff also makes me VERY nervous. That whole outreach makes me nervous! Then again I was nervous for Aurora before I went for my first shift and then ended up loving it. Jason was supposed to be our supervisor but he is no longer working at UA. Which totally sucks! I loved having Jason as a teacher! Especially when we would salsa dance.
The Fontaine clan is over for a visit... and by the Fontaine clan, I don't mean all 30 something of the Fontaine family (Dad's side) but Grand Maman, Grand Papa, Auntie Nicole and Uncle Raymond. It was great to have Auntie Nicole and Uncle Raymond over. Even if this meant that Justin and I had to sleep on the futon. Justin got to meet the family and got along with them really well. It was great to see :) Nicole and Raymond left yesterday. Grand Maman and Grand Papa are here for two more weeks. This has kept me busy most evenings with tournaments of double solitaire. Justin even joined in and I learnt that he is quite the card shark. I still beat him twice last night :) tee hee. Justin left today but he also left me a lovely note on my bed for when I got home :) I am a lucky lady.
Today when I got home, there was a little box on the downstairs kitchen table. It was a litte white box with a card that read "The Fontaine Family". I looked at the box and in small writing was "Handle with Care" in even smaller writing was "www.untilwemeetagain.ca". Partially covered by the envelope that was propped up against the box was "Minette Fontaine". The tears that I had managed to hold back throughout the day squeezed past my shut eyelids. My sweetie. In a box. On the kitchen table. Funny. She was never allowed on the kitchen table before. The box is still there, unopened. The letter untouched. I don't have the heart to open it just now. I don't know whether we will bury her in her toys... that would mean that we would have to split up her ashes. I don't feel like that would be the right thing to do. Come to think of it, we should have gotten her favorite toys cremated as well. After all we did get her collar cremated (not the flea collar, she never liked it, plus it's plastic and would have made more pollution). I didn't want her collar because I didn't know what I would do with it. Sure I could hold it and cry but that isn't very useful. So I don't know what I am going to do with Minette anymore. I'll sleep on it. Maybe then I will think of something.
For now, I am off to play a game of cards with Grand Maman. Then it's early to bed. I need it.

Hiccups

Sometime love has it's hiccups and right now our relationship has it's very own. The getting to know one an other has been bumped up a notch and so has the trust. With this, we're opening up to each other and discovering more about one an other. Something that is very exciting but that also raises some eyebrows.
With my relationship with Paul, I found myself changing myself to fit what he wanted. I didn't realize that I was doing this until it was all over. Then I felt frustrated that I had changed myself for someone. I was unhappy but I didn't know that I was. After that relationship, I promised myself that I would never change myself again. Ever! When I would encounter a relationship that would require me to change or even adapt. I'd push away. I didn't want to go down that road again!
Then this relationship came along. I fell. Bang! Head over heels for a guy 53 miles away. Both of us were stunned at how well things were working out. He makes me happy and I am so fortunate to be with him. However, now that I am learning more about him, I find out that before I entered the picture, he was about to buy a home and settle down. Not too many thoughts of travelling the world crossed his mind. A nice home, a job that he enjoys and a lovely lady by his side... could have been perfect. But the home thing fell through which got him questioning things. Is a home really what he wants? It's a big investment and commitment. Not only that, this new girl in his life wants to travel. Settle down, yes. But not yet.
So what do we do? Where do we go? I really really like Justin. When we are apart and I know he's coming I eagerly await his arrival. When I go see him the train/bus ride seems to take forever! I become a little silly because Hey! love makes you feel silly. With him I feel that change would be good... though I will not make myself something that I am not. Maybe instead of change, I'll compromise.
I would like to be there and hold his hand as we travel the world then settle down afterwards however I don't want to mother him. Anyways the next few days will be very interesting for the both of us as we realize where we stand and where we want to go. Justin gets to decide whether he will continue house hunting or whether he will put that on hold for a while. Meanwhile I'll be there for him and I will support any decision he's going to make. I however, want to make sure I stay happy. I don't let myself become silly in love and forget about what I initially wanted.

Meet the parents!

Today I get to meet Justins Mom. Eeep! I am always kind of nervous when I get the meet the parents. The thought that comforts me now is that I get to meet his Mom... tomorrow Justin gets to meet Mom, Dad, Stephane, Dasha, Grand Maman, Grand Papa, Auntie Nicole and Uncle Raymond. I got it easy :)

Exhale...

And everything will be alright.

The past two days with Justin have been awesome. He held me while I cried about Minette on Wednesday night and had all the patience in the world while I told him over and over again about what happened at the vet. I don't know why but I had to keep replaying the whole thing. I would cry and he would cuddle. It made me feel better but it did not make it go away.
Thursday while he was at work, I did a bit of retail therapy. A new coat, new purse, pretty wool shirt type thing, pyjama pants... etc. Fun stuff but I don't think Justin will leave me in Bellisfair for 5 hours ever again :P It's funny, he such a simple man. I thought I was simple but compared to him I feel like a materialistic whore :) It's ok he seems to put up with it. I love him for it too.
Today we went to Mt. Baker. It was super pretty! There's an other mountain, Mt. Shsomethingsomething was much prettier. I will have photos to post in a couple of days. We found some wild berries and ate them! They were delicious! They turned our tongues purple. They were even more delicious when hikers told us that they were actually wild blueberries and not poisonous like I thought they might be (yeah I ate em aways! They were so yummy!). I would have liked to hike more, however it was getting dark and we met Katie (Justin's roommate) and her father for dinner. Now we're just taking it easy before passing out.
I miss Minette. Every once in a while I think about her and that I will never be able to hold her again. Her familiar smell would never comfort me again... but then I think of what the vet said about animals behaviors when they are suffering. Then I thought of how similar those behaviors were of Minette. She sure was a fighter. I want to send a thank you card to the vet. He was super patient and sensitive to what we were going through. We were fortunate. While he was injecting Minette with the sleepy time solution, he stopped half way through, pet her on the head and then injected the other half of the syringe. Sure it only took half and she was off to dream land. I thought this was a very sensitive gesture. It can't be easy to see families cry over their pets and you're the one to kill them. Anyways I felt fortunate to have the vet we did. He was good and he made the whole process a bit easier (if that was at all possible). Man! Going home will be strange. Already I had to do a double take when I saw my camera bag on my bed... I thought it was Minette. Luckily Justin will be there. Despite all of this going on, I am lucky to have a man like him.

Minette, I love you.

That's it. It's done. Minette is gone. Forever.

We spoke to the vet and he said that things would get much worse and she wouldn't die in her sleep. He was a great vet and didn't say things that way I just don't feel like explaining. Minette is gone. I was glad I went with her. The entire time she did not fight (and she fought like a lion any other time we went to the vet). She looked at me with understanding eyes. We knew it was alright. It was her time to go. We had some time to talk as a family while they went and put the catheter in her leg. We hugged and cried and figures this was what was best for Minette. The vet came back, we pet Minette, said our goodbyes, I sang a little to her. When it was time for her to get the injection, she was on my lap, I looked the other way but held her close. Just like that, life left her. She lay on me limp, lifeless. Her little pink tongue stuck out. It was so cute. I pet her, talk to her and cuddled her for a little while longer. I always found it stupid that people spoke to dead things and here I was, with my little Minette on my lap, talking to her, reminiscing. I lay her on the cold metal table and covered her body with the towel. I was the last one to walk out and I made the mistake of looking back. There she lay, her tongue still sticking out, her eyes half open... she looked peaceful. No longer suffering.
Less then an hour later, I've booked an early ticket to Bham. Gonna see my sweetie. Surprise him maybe... unless he reads this before 7:40... in which case "Hi Sweetie. Surprise! I'll be at your place in a few minutes!" Well time to finish packing for the weekend.

Damn, that was one loved cat. She will be REALLY missed. But I love her and I know that this is what is best for her.

I'm everything I am because you loved me

It's the night before the big day and I find myself in the kitchen, cooking with my sweet Minette sleeping under a chair in the kitchen. I sing along to some music to lighten my spirits and a song comes on: Because you loved me by Celine Dion (Yes, I sing along to Celine Dion, yes I know all the words and have most of the CD's... you caught me :P ). After singing the first couple of verses, I stop what I am doing and burst into tears.
Through blurred eyes I look at Minette and sing the rest of the song in a quiet quivering voice. I sing it to her because for the past 11 years she has been my constant support, the one that I have loved unconditionally and has loved me back no matter what.
I have decided that tomorrow I am going to the vet with her. I want to talk to the vet myself so that I can hear it from them. That way I will know I did the right thing no matter what. It'll be interesting to see what the next 24 hours bring.

Because You Loved Me

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


I'm everything I am
Because you loved me