And if you only knew just how much the sun needs you to help it light the sky

Today was a great day... yet I felt like something was missing. More importantly someone was missing. I had a lovely time going down to Granville Market, spending a couple of hours in the cook book store (and buying three books!) and then picking out the ingredients for dinner. The whole atmosphere was great. The smell of the french bakery and the general energy of the place is why I love the market so much.
After an amazing meal, I find myself sitting by the fire, being calmed by beautiful music and yet again something... someone is missing. Today I find myself not liking being single. Wishing I had someone to hold in my arms. Someone I can cuddle with, feel their breath sync with mine, their heart beat calming and comforting me.
Maybe I should just go to bed and this feeling will go away.

NatureNude

It took me a while to decide what I wanted to do with the nude photos that Matteo took on Sunday. They are really pretty and I am quite proud of them so I wanted them to be shown... but then again I was a bit concerned about my professional image.
Here's the tricky bit with the profession that I am getting myself into. It has a past reputation of being slightly sexual and as health professionals, we have been trying really hard to shake that reputation. In the past 10 years there have been huge positive changes. Because of this sensitivity, those in the profession can be quite over sensitive about boundaries when it comes to nudity.
This is where things get confusing for me... I am a student, soon to be a massage therapist. I am also an exhibitionist. So what to do? I only do it in good taste because I believe that the body is art and is beautiful. It is not something to be ashamed of and nude is completely natural. It's us at our most primal. I find that too many women are concerned about what they look like (big thighs, jiggly arms, small breasts... etc etc etc). They should find the beauty in what they have and love themselves and the casing that carries them around every day.
Heck, we owe a lot to our bodies. Think of how much we put it through every day. The time our bodies have healed themselves and how we can express ourselves through movement.
I am naked as a way to give thanks to my body and to myself for putting up with me. I am also naked to show others that bodies don't have to be perfect to be beautiful. That our flaws are what make us unique and wonderful. That just because our breasts are small and our thighs are big, we are still beautiful feminine creatures.
I am not too sure how this will affect my professional image but I hope that it doesn't and that those that are associated with me understand where I am coming from. I guess now I just wait for the reaction. Hopefully the world is ready for something like this.

Perdicament?

Yes, just a little. Auntie Flow decided to pay me a visit and will be staying for a week. The only problem? I can't wear underwear because of where my tattoo is. Ummm right. So I have to find a solution to this. Luckily I can sleep on it and hope that I wake with a great solution to this little unexpected miscalculation. Oopsy :)

Death Cab for Cutie - Cath

Every time I listen to this song, my heart and soul cringes. I've always had the fear that I would settle for some average dude and might miss the love of my life. Afraid of living my life the way others might want it and not what my heart truly wants. Anyways this song hits home. It's a good one too.

Pain for pretty things

Well the inking is done and now all that is left is the healing. That was a little bit tougher then anticipated but it was a great time to practice my breathing and silly faces. I think I may have worsened what ever wrinkles I already had but that's ok :) After looking through the photos that Dan took, I was quite impressed at the variety of facial expressions I presented.
Dan was totally awesome! He took great shots while I was getting tattooed and he was always there when I needed a hand to hold. It wasn't all that bad except for the beginning and the end (or maybe that's all I remember). When your tattoo artist, in my case Jesse Dicey from The Dutchman, says that most people tend to avoid the hip area and over the hip bone because it's quite "tender"... yeah he's right. While he was inking over my ASIS (top bony bit that sticks out at the front, top of your pelvis) I could feel the vibrations pass through my pelvis. I am sure everything that was inside my pelvis was properly shaken. Pain aside, it was a really neat feeling!
At some point during the tattoo, an other artist came in with a shoulder problem so I did a bit of an assessment and that kept me distracted for a good 10-15 minutes (or maybe less, my time perception was messed).
Now all that I have to be careful with is the healing. Because it's on a joint, there is quite a bit of movement which can disturb the healing process. So if you see me walking funny, it's because I am trying not to bend my right hip. I am looking forward to seeing this baby when it's all healed. Right now just cleaning it makes me nauseous. I usually have to lay down part ways through and last night I ended up going to bed sometime around 7pm cuz I was feeling too nauseous and exhausted. It felt great to sleep a lot though :)
Anyways time to go clean this puppy up then set off for work!

EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

That's my excited noise :) I am so stoked for my tattoo tomorrow that I am not even remotely tired! I was exhausted after the shoot this afternoon but caught a second wind after my nap while watching some boring movie. Now what do I do? Sit here and stare into space? I texted the ex cuz I know he can keep me down in times like these. Nothing like being held down and cuddled by a 6 foot something guy to eventually make you fall asleep. But, just as I had guessed, no answer :) Shucks! Well it was worth a try.

Time to stare into space!

Trying new things...

Like nude photo shoots :) Lots of fun! Especially that the photographer was really comfortable to work with and super chill. Looking forward to seeing the shots once they've been worked with!
Now I am just warming up... though it doesn't seem that cold outside but try hanging out in the rain for 2 or so hours with nothing but a bit of clay on your body. It got chilly... and I was surprised when I couldn't warm myself up. I needed a good long shower and that seemed to warm me up. Definitely would have preferred a cuddle but hey :) I can't be picky.
Time to go make tea...

Starting to get nervous?...?

Possibly. Tattoo is in 24 hours exactly!

The boy be no more.

End of story. Heart broken? Not at all. I got home from Tofino to two e-mails from the boy about things we have to talk about. Ack! We weren't even official and we've already got to talk. Fuck it!
So I went met an other dude (the guy that lives a couple blocks away from my house) and he turned out to be a drunk weirdo! Shortest internet meeting ever... 13 minutes and I was out of there. I sure am glad I didn't waste my time going too far away from my place.
Yep, I need a man, not a boy.
I spent a great day with myself thinking and walking around this stunning city. Matteo and I went to wreck for 10am this morning. He had to work at Noon so I decided to walk home from wreck, going by spanish banks, jericho and zig zagging my way home through the residential streets of Vancouver. I got home at 4pm and had a nap. Cleaned my room and felt much better. I needed some alone time! It was great :) For the first time, I don't want to go to work tomorrow. But hey I have an other "date" after work so it gives me something to look forward to. Serial dater. Maybe.

I Will Possess Your Heart

A song by Death Cab for Cutie... introduced to me by some random internet dude that happens to live 3 blocks away from me. I loves it!

Sweet memory

Tofino is all but a memory now. It was amazing! The highlight was driving back with my cousin Danielle with the windows rolled down, the sunshine keeping us warm and the wind in our hair. The song Trees from T. Nile came on and I started singing along. After a while, Danielle piped in and both of us were singing. It was such a simple moment but it was perfect. It was so cool that my cousin knew the words to the song (I sent her the CD quite a while back)...

Muppet Show - Swedish Chef - making cake

This video took a super long time to make its way to my blog from youtube... but it was appropriate when I was making the cake :) Bork Bork Bork

Rain boots and tarps

The rain gear and tarps are packed and we're ready to go to Tofino :) Hopefully we'll manage a bit of surfing but we'll see! I'll be back late thursday just in time for the T.Nile show!

Life is filled with awesome!

Crumbs

After 2 months of preparation, 4 test cakes, countless runs to Gourmet Warehouse and Michaels, 56 eggs, 4kg of confectioners sugar, 24 cups of butter, 2L of cream, an amazing ceremony and an awesome after party filled with laughter and great friends, the epic cake making is over.
Now everything that remains are the couple of crumbs and a messy kitchen (yeah, I am still working on it... the floors are sticky so I am going to clean them when I come home from work).


The Grad Ceremony and after party photos are up :) The album will be a work in process because I want to lean to use photoshop so I can edit a couple of the photos :)

Past cake entries:
A New Obsession?
Cake Geekery :)
Feeling like mother goose
Here comes the sun doo doo doo doo
RIP Hand Held Mixer
Polka Dots and Flying Rocks
This is what my kid will be like...
Poor Chickens!
Done.
DDEEEERRRR!
The Sugar Invasion
Moderation?
Olecranon Process Deep in Cake
Sweating Sugar and Luster Dust
Queen of Cakes

Try Honesty

After a long day at work, the boy came over to take it easy an watch a movie. Finally we didn't end up watching a movie but instead we spent the evening talking and getting to know each other a little more.
I've enjoyed the time that I've spent with this guy. He gives me butterflies and is on my mind when we are not together. However Eric has also been on my mind as well. Not as much as he had been before I met the boy but he's been there none the less. Feeling slightly guilty about these thoughts, I talked to the boy about it. He was great. He listened and was respectful of my feelings. Being everything is so new, we're just seeing where things go.
Today, while I was at work, I thought about our conversation. I appreciated the honesty and respect that we both brought to the conversation. I also thought about what I said... and how it really didn't make much sense at all. I enjoy spending time with this guy, he's a real sweetheart, he's easy on the eyes and a fantastic kisser. Yet I am hung up on a year old relationship. Though the signs from Eric have been a bit confusing at times, I think it's pretty straight forward (if I think of it in a non girly way)... if we were going to get back together again, we'd be spending more time together and we most likely would have gotten back together a while ago. Plus would I really want to be with him again or am I just hung up on the past and what was?
So many questions but the answer is particularly simple... why deny myself being happy and a potential great relationship? There is no sense in jumping into anything head first... just going to go with the flow and see where the flow takes me :)
For now the flow is taking me to bed! I am exhausted and have to work tomorrow and Sunday. It's funny how you get used to having someone to cuddle. Even though waking up next to someone was strange this morning (I forgot the boy was in the same bed I was and ended up whacking him upside the head when I woke up) I am not looking forward to going to bed alone tonight.

The Okanagan photos are finally up :) Yeah they're mostly of my two overly adorable little cousins but hey :) that's ok! They're so freaking cute and I love em so much I got a bit snap happy.
The trip was great. Much too short but I had something to look forward to when I got home.

Queen of Cakes

Realization that I came to yesterday... my outfit for the night will match the cake. Now that's pretty funny! It was totally unintentional :)
I am so darn proud of this cake and of myself for pulling off something like this with near no experience in cake making. GGGOOOO ME! Also, how do I have so much energy? 5 hours of sleep before last night and 4 hours last night! Work tomorrow will be interesting! But that's tomorrow :) I won't worry about that now!

Sweating sugar and luster dust

Luster dust... EVERYWHERE! It looked pretty in the setting sun.
I managed to tone down the purple with some leftover white... much better this way :) The fondant was almost a nightmare to work with because it was so stinking hot today! Luckily I have tons of patience (even after only 5 hours of sleep).
The green fondant with the stamp, the luster dust and after being toned down. Prettiness :)
Me, focused as hell placing the dragees one by one in swirly patterns around the cake. Because of the heat and because the kitchen was so damn hot today my hair curled, giving me the crazy baker look :)
My assistant doing a quick quality check before laying down next to me again. She was so good! She never touched the cake!

Ok quick clean up and bed time now! Tomorrow is one heck of a busy day! 9:30am pick up by Jerry to drop off the cake at Flux for 10, hair appointment at 11:30, makeup at 1, have to be at the hotel to get ready with the ladies by 3... and somewhere in between there I have to pick up lenses for my camera and the couple of things that go in the bottom of the cake display. Maybe I should take out my super hero cape tomorrow...

Olecranon Process Deep in Cake

One of my two helpers... Minette :) she was a sweetie and kept me company the entire day. My other helper was mother nature... she dried my dishes and sped up the thawing process of the cherries.
The first of many text messages from friends and family wishing good luck on the cake.
The Boy came over last night for a quick bite to eat at All India Sweets. Then, not wanting to part, we decided to work together on the structure within the cake to help support it. It was a bit of a mess... the plastic was harder to cut then anticipated, it ended up breaking. Having to find something else, we went to Superstore to try to find a replacement. Success! :) I have yet to construct the base but now I have all of the materials.


Rochelle was a sweetheart and found a KitchenAid mixer for me to use. It's amazing! I am going to get one for myself and name it Herbie (like the car). The buttercream making went fantastically and I was successful at all 4 and a half batches (as opposed to the 12 I thought I might need... bit of a miscalculation :) ).
The 12' dark chocolate lavender cake before it got covered with buttercream. The dark chocolate lavender ganache is hiding between the layers :) I was SO happy when this monster turned out the way it did! I had never baked a 12' cake before and was a bit afraid that my center would be uncooked while the outside would be cooked... but no! Absolute perfection!
The 10' Orange Dulce cake covered in buttercream. I impressed myself at every step of this cake! That almost looks professional!
First oops of the cake. The French Vanilla cake with rose vanilla custard and cherry compote... the compote is supposed to go UNDER the custard... it makes for a more solid cake. Instead it's on top. Oops! Ah well :) No one will know (well except anyone who reads this). Really not a big deal :)

Taking a quick break now to clean up and get ready for fondant madness! The Boy is also coming over to have lunch with me (I haven't eaten all day... he makes sure I eat) and keep me company a bit while I fiddle with the fondant. He makes me smile :P and gives me butterflies! YAY! More photos to come at the end of today!


*Blog title came from Darla. She sent me an e-mail this morning asking if I was olecranon process deep in cake... it made me laugh cuz the olecranon process is the sticky out bit of your elbow. Ha ha! :)

Moderation?

"Moderation in all things is a mantra we've been hearing a lot about of late. It is healthy. It is sane. It is morally correct. It is also very boring.
I much prefer people with passions. There is nothing more exciting than watching someone fall so deeply in love - with food, an object, a way of life - that they throw caution to the wind and follow their heart."

- Ruth Reichl, Editor in Chief of Gourmet Magazine

May the cake making begin!

Priorities...

So it's final, I am going camping. As Dad has done for as long as I have lived, he's gotten up at 6am to get ready to go camping. It's the same from year to year and I am pretty sure that will never change. I think I may have inherited the early bird "lets get up and go camping" gene and I am trying to shake it.
So off i go for a mere 24 hours of camping but sitting on the greyhound for 6 hours or what ever it is will be well worth it! How often do you get to go camping with the cutest little girls in the world? Katarina and Sophia are so awesome :) It's times like these that make me wish I lived closer to them.
Well off we go! I just got the 5 minute warning.

*Last years photo. This time no sexy Cutlass :(

The sugar invasion

Yesterday night was just about hitch free. I made the orange dulce simple syrup along with the lavender simple syrup and 4 batches of fondant. I found that my little hand held that could... couldn't combine the fondant so I had to do that by hand. Not a big deal though :) I love to get my hand "dirty"! The only thing that I am not overly impressed about is that the colour of the coloured fondant is too intense. I am hoping to have some fondant left over to reattempt my colouring of fondant. These colours could work and I am sure they'd look just fine but I envisioned pastel colours.
Mum made it through seeing her kitchen being turned upside down and covered in powdered sugar (4kg used so far). Lets just say I am glad that they'll be out of town while I am cooking. This way I can make a big mess and I won't feel guilty while doing it. It'll also save comments like "you might not want to use the mixer for that. The powder will get into the motor..."
*le sigh*
Oh and that sleep tincture... it is filled with AWESOME! I slept like a baby :) I fell asleep to the sound of falling rain and it was perfect.