DDEEEERRRR!

So I've been damned patient for the past week! I've been running on little to no sleep and I've been working 10 to 12 hour days. Not only that but this week is going to be a 6 day work week (maybe 7 is if I go in on Saturday). My fuse is SUPER short and all I want to do is go to sleep when I get home. Then I lay there, analyzing the ceiling thinking about EVERYTHING cake related! Over the past 4 months I've been getting ready to make this creation... now the time is so close and I am so excited that I can hardly sleep!
Yesterday is when I realized that this lack of sleep might be affecting me more then I thought. We're only 2 working in the Internet department because one of the ladies got laid off. Jenn and I have managed to work together really well and we've been doing a darn good job at keeping on top of things. Yesterday she called in sick and said she'd try to make it in by the afternoon. So here I was trying to fulfill orders, do customer service, ship orders and make tubes of tridocaine for certain orders. I was managing quite well but after about 4 hours I was ready to run away for lunch. There's a cute little Italian cafe across the street that I thought I'd try out. The only problem: it's across the street. That's 4 lanes of Broadway street traffic. The closest street light is a block to my left and two to my right. Damn! So I wait for a break in the traffic. There are none. Tired and frustrated I start to cross and hope to hell people will stop for me. They did. I looked up to see who had stopped and it was a cop car (not undercover either!). As soon as the police man and I make eye contact his car goes woop woop and lights flash. I'm being pulled over for J walking. FUCK!! I hadn't even made it to the car when I started to cry (I blame it on lack of sleep). The water works must have worked because I didn't get a ticket, just a warning. Fiouf!
The cute guy in the cafe saw what happened and was nice enough to offer me some free coffee. Being I don't drink coffee I asked him if I could have a hug instead (one of those days :P). He was happy to give me one :) Lunch was great! I'll definitely be back. While waiting for my food, I called to make an appointment to see my lovely Liam before Darla's grad. I booked an appointment and the girl asked for my name, I gave it to her, then she asked for my phone number and I said "F O N T..." and spelled out my last name. Oops! Autopilot much? Fortunately the lady knows me and had a good laugh.
As a little treat, I decided to buy myself some black licorice (which it turns out that licorice root helps with stress management, I wonder if my body was craving it for that reason). I was sitting at my desk when I noticed that I was getting a funny glance from a coworker. My zoned out self was trying to eat a vitamin bottle and was packaging black licorice. So to the customer who has bite marks on their vitamin bottle and who's envelope smells of black licorice... My bad!
Despite all of this, I still managed to work an 11 hour day. I am also darn glad that I can laugh at myself or else I would have been one hell of a frustrated person at the end of the day. Today I bought a sleep tincture which will hopefully help me sleep and some energy pills to give me some energy during the day. I can't afford to crash during this vital part of cake making.
I'm lucky that I've bought everything I need for grad. All that is left to do is go to Leo's camera and rent some lenses and a flash for the grad. I also have to buy a couple more things for the cake and I have to fiddle around with the necklace that I bought to go with my dress. Gonna make it look awesome and unique with my mad jewelry making skills. Ha ha :) Once all of that is done, I am good to go. During this cake making thing I am going to blog about it and take photos (or maybe just do a picture blog cuz I most likely won't have time to write about it).
Well dinner is ready! After dinner I am going make some fondant because the ingredients in fondant has to get to know one an other before being rolled out (well I found this to be easier).

Dreaming of...

your gynecologist and tattoo artist in the same dream is kinda scary. Now dreams are often forgotten when I wake up. But this one stuck! Oh boy did it ever.
Last night I found myself in a dream where I was laying on the gynecologists table with my feet up in the stirrups. I was nervous as hell and looked down to see what she was doing. Then, to my surprise, my gynecologist morphed into my tattoo artists who soon started tattooing my hoohoo. I lay there, glancing down every once in a while just to see the progress (because apparently I was ok with this and didn't protest). Sometimes it would be the gynecologist, sometimes it would be the tattoo artist (in the gynecologists office). Finally my tattoo was finished and I walked around naked (because wearing underwear was too painful). Down the elevator and onto broadway. I even went to work afterwards. It was quite pretty too... it was a tattoo of a butterfly that started in the general hoohoo area and worked it's way up to the bottom of my abdomen.
Over the course of the day, I've tried to make sense of this dream. All I could think of was that in my sleep, my oh so lovely chronic reoccurring yeast infection was bothering me and I was thinking of what my test results would be from my HPV test that was done on the 23rd by my gyno. I also had to book an appointment with Jesse, my tattoo artist... which, with this on my mind all day, I booked for the 9th of August.
Anyways now I am going to sleep and hopefully it will be a proper restful sleep. Hopefully I am not going to have any more crazy whacked out dreams. Lately I've been getting a good 8 hours of sleep but I've been waking feeling exhausted. While I sleep, I dream of running away with gypsies, getting my naughty bits tattooed and other messed up stuff. I've been trying this new herbal mixture that is supposed to help me clear my 3rd eye chakra and I was warned that it would give me some crazy dreams. Maybe tomorrow I'll just have a couple of shots of whiskey before bed.

Done.

The Grasshoppa class is officially finished school! Yesterday I was supposed to go either bungee jumping or to meet with my tattoo artist (I've saved my pennies for an other one! YAY!). Instead I did neither. I decided that I would surprise the girls with a little something to celebrate with. Knowing that their last exam was at 1, I went there are noon and put a bouquet for each girl, a bottle of champagne, a bottle of sparkling apple juice (one of the girls is pregnant), a bottle of Perrier (one of the girls can't have sugar), brie, french bread, grapes and a box of Purdy's chocolate in their exam room with a congratulations note on the board.
I then run off to pick up the last couple non edible things for the cake (an other cake pan, a fondant rolling pin and poly something something pipe). Yeah I went to Home Depot to pick up the pipe and let me tell you... as a young woman in Home Depot you can ask for anything and you'll get it :) They were super helpful and even cut the 10 foot pipe into more manageable 5 foot pieces (so I didn't injure anyone on my bus ride home).
At 4 there was a special little ceremony for the girls that I attended. It was just the massage faculty getting together to celebrate their achievement :) Pre grad type of thing. There were a couple speeches but it was more just an opportunity to congratulate the girls on finishing the program! This was worth while going to because now I know that I have to get some waterproof mascara for the grad ceremony. I don't know if it was because I had only gotten two hours sleep the night before or if it's because I am extremely proud of the hard work these girls put in but I sure was teary eyed.
Darla and I went out for Havanas on Commercial Drive for dinner to celebrate her grad. That was quite nice but was interrupted by three guys walking down the street covered in blood and still bleeding (one guy looked like he was missing a chunk of the back of his head, he had blood running down the back of his shirt and everything). Fortunately Darla and I had finished our food and were just finishing our pitcher of Mojitos. Two cop cars, a fire truck and two ambulances showed up. The guys didn't put up a fight and after some fixing up of the bleeding guys they were whisked away in the ambulance. All of this happened about 20 feet from our table... it was quite the show.
Other then that I've been keeping busy with work. I've been banking hours because I will have to take the Tuesday and Wednesday of next week off to do the cake (luckily I have Monday off too). One of the girls in our department got fired so we're now 2 running the department. It's going well and I am still loving my job. So much so, I went in today for 6 hours of work (I was there at 10:30 but the store didn't open until 12... oops). All that is left for the cake is to buy the ingredients and make it. Making it starts on Friday. Hopefully I can go camping on Saturday and Sunday but that most likely won't happen. :( I really want to go because it's not often that I get to head to the okanagan with Mom, Dad, Uncle Steve, Auntie Marcy and my Auntie Mireille, Uncle Jeff, Katarina and Sophia (family from Winnipeg). I am finding it hard to justify spending $60 on the greyhound back to Vancouver. I guess if I stay in Van, I'll be spending that much anyways. It'll also be totally awesome to spend time with my two lovely little cousins :) They're so precious! I miss them tremendously (they arrive on Friday night and leave for camping early Saturday AM so it's not as if I will be able to see them before camping).
August will bring great things :) like the grad, my cousin is coming from Winnipeg to visit and I'll be looking for a place to move to. Hooray! I am also feeling more prepared for going back to school. This break has proven to be a great thing. I still have mixed feelings about my career as a massage therapist but at least the school isn't seeming so scary. I still have nightmares about it but I think I always will.
Anyways for now I am off to bed. Work tomorrow :)

Feeling the sting.

Pam has a great talent! She can smack someones ass so hard that you can feel the sting for hours afterwards. Often times she'll get me while we're in line at a grocery store or while on the bus. Today I was on my way to work and was waiting to get off the bus when SMACK! I get slapped on the ass. I turn around to see who had delivered this mighty slap and there was Pam, grinning back at me.
Of course everyone else on the bus was turned back and looking at us too. After Pam and I hugging it out, they decided she wasn't a threat and returned to staring into space. It's about an hour later now and I can still feel my rear stinging. Now that's skill!

Things that make my day...

Going out at lunch time, filling my lungs with the smell of freshly cut grass and then realizing that there are two gorgeous guys mowing the lawn :)

Well this sounds a little over dramatic!

Tomorrow night Canada starts the competition for the HSBC festival of light. Being I have training until late, I figured I'd check to see what time the fireworks start at. They start at 10pm... but I also found the story that this spectacle is supposed to illustrate.

Panic has swept the city after recent events in the bay. Several ships have been sunk and buildings along the coast have been destroyed. Scientists have ruled out previous theories of underwater volcanic activity. New reports of a strange creature rising from the water moments prior to the attacks are emerging, but have yet to be confirmed…”

Spawned in the ocean’s depths, it stalks the earth…

Let us take you on a voyage of fear and discovery as the world declares war on the ocean’s secret. Face a terror nothing could prepare us for. Mourn lost souls and rally spirits when it seems all hope is lost. The future of humanity hangs by a thread. Will mankind’s ingenuity triumph? Witness what may be the end.

Ummm ok! Well now knowing this I'll see how well this is illustrated at tomorrow's show. I never knew that the fireworks had a story to go along with the music. Hmm well now off to play accountant! Yippee!

My sunburn reflects the brightness of my spirit!

The initial plan: Enjoy some folk music while laying on the beach (not inside the gates because we couldn't afford the $165 weekend pass).
What actually happened: Thanks to Vickis clever convincing, we ended up with free weekend passes to the festival! :)
We sang, we danced, we tapped our feet and listened to some fantastic music. The highlights of this weekend were: Osomatli, Tamara Nile, Delhi 2 Dublin, Hayley Sales, Les Chauffeurs a Pieds, Michael Franti and Spearhead, Spirit of the West and Jenn Grant. Trying to learn some African dancing was pretty rad as well :)
Best intro to a song goes to Les Chauffeurs de Pieds:
"Dees ees a song abouut some guys that order some food and when dees lady finds that they cannot pay. She kills them. Ok not kills them. Beats them... until they die... slowly"
The weekend was phenomenal. My body still aches from all the dancing and my throat is still sore from all the hooting and hollering but I wouldn't trade this for the world!
I even had a personal best record for "shortest time to have a lens cap in my posession". Less then a week and I lost the darn thing while jigging along to Spirit of the West. Darn! Oh well! Maybe I should start buying those things in bulk.

In the shadows of the wind

Endure what you cannot change.

As I've mentioned in a previous entry, I've got a lot on my mind. Little tid bits in life have kept me in check though. Over the past week I've managed to collect quotes from random places that have marked me greatly.

Don't get caught up in the past because the present may hold something better then you have ever dreamed.

I read over the horoscopes when I pick up a paper and yesterdays one hit home. It read: The grass always looks greener on the other side because you haven't looked at it closely or walked on it and crushed all the blades beneath your feet.

I liked it, it's a change from the normal expression. It has also made me realize that my resistance for being a massage therapist is probably because I am in the thick of it. It has never crossed my mind to give up. I have invested so much that I will not give up. I also find it interesting (until I have to memorize and learn everything). But lately I find myself resisting the idea of being a massage therapist. I'd love to be a pastry chef. I'd love to open a martini and gourmet desert lounge. It would be so elegant and classy! It would be great! I still have dreams and hopes for my multiple disciplinary clinic... but really I think it just comes down to the fact that I am a dreamer.

Usually I am happy in my day to day life and when it boils down to it, I am happy. Now anyways but I think being out of school helps a little. So all of this stuff being on my mind hasn't made me unhappy. I've spent many late nights pondering but it's not the depressive sort of ponder. I was feeling a little exhausted yesterday but I solved that by leaving work early to go lay in the grass with my friend Vicki. There we solved the worlds problems and soaked in the rays until our tummies growled so loudly that it disturbed our fellow sunbathers.

Today I did a REBA scan at work. This tests your chakras and sees if there is a blockage in any of them. The ones that came up for me was the Chakra 6 - third eye. This has "an energetic key concept with intuition and dreams, with creativity and harmony in living with other people". What is out of balance for me is that I "find it difficult to decide what to do and fear the risk of making your own decision". Apparently something at the age of 8 came up which triggered this fear and difficulty to decide. I can't remember that far back (my mental capacity is also working at 40%... found that out today too) but it could be something subconscious so maybe my consciousness doesn't remember but my subconscious does.

It's all really quite interesting. Chakra 6 is also linked to the pituitary gland that is responsible for most of the hormonal functions of the body... That's interesting! My naturopath and I have been working really hard in the past year or so to regulate my hormones (they've been out of whack since I got off the pill... I guess that's what happens when you start stuffing your body with horse hormones - what birth control pills are made of - at the age of 15).

Anyways I am not here to whine about how miserable life is... it's just been making the hamster in my mind work that much harder. Since Eric and I have broken up, he's been on my mind occasionally. During our relationship he gently introduced me to different ways of living life. Thinking outside the box, living a life that isn't the white picket fence dream (which was what I wanted). Over the past year I've changed quite a bit emotionally and with my beliefs. It has made me a much happier person and every time I beam with complete and utter joy, I think of Eric and I thank him for giving me that little push that was necessary. Sure it wasn't all Eric but he got me started. My naturopath has played a huge roll in my self discovery... oh and I have too :)

On fathers day, Eric was on my mind. It was the day we first kissed last year. I dismissed it and figured I was just PMSing. On Canada day I thought of him again. It was when we started dating last year. Then I realized that there might be something more then just fond memories. Maybe the reason why I have remained single is because I am still holding on to something from my past relationship (without me being fully aware of this). I'd spoken to Liam, my hair stylist, about this and he said I was probably still smitten by the idea of Eric but not by Eric himself. So how do I solve this? I spend an evening with him. Yeah so I am definitely not smitten with the idea of him. I am still attracted to him as a person. Whether I want to be in a relationship with him or not... I don't think I do.

While we were having dinner, we talked about Minette. I told him what I figured I'd do (with having Mum and Dad go have her put down). He told me flat out that I couldn't. I wouldn't be a responsible pet owner if I did that. Think of Minette and how she'd be more in comfort if I were there with her. Think of the ease of things and the closure it would give me. He was right. I wouldn't want Minette to spend her last couple of hours scared. I would want to hold her and cuddle her until her last breath leaves her little body. Awe hell just typing this makes me bawl like an idiot. Anyways so now this is playing in the back of my mind. She's been good and only throwing up every other day. When do I draw the line, I don't know. What I do know is that I will be there for her. I also want to go with a really close friend that doesn't mind seeing me at my worst and that will come to an empty mewless home with me afterwards.

I am also going to be moving out at the end of August. This is exciting. Nerve wracking though because I have never moved in my entire life. I'll be moving out with my friend Vicki which will be great cuz we get along super duperly. We're also going to find a pet friendly place so Minette can hang out with us until she leaves us. Then Vicki will have her pupster flown over to live with us (Roxy, her dog, is still Ontario). We're looking downtown which... well ideally wasn't my first choice but Vicki wants to live downtown. Everything is so close downtown and very convenient so why the heck not! If it's too noisy, I'll buy ear plugs. I also figure if I can find comfort in a snoring boyfriend or a noisy hostel, I can find comfort in a bustling downtown.

Oh yeah... we also did the Underwear Affair last Saturday. The Thunder Panties were beauties again this year :) I had a great time! However the event wasn't as well attended (either that or the place was bigger) and most people left early which made for a not so fun after party. I was proud of myself though, I walked the entire 5k in heels and I did it under an hour! Hooray! We even stopped for photos at the turn around point.

Anyways it feels good to get some of this off my chest. By reading it over, I find it silly that it has kept me up. But it is what it is :) Next time I'll write about stuff that's on my mind sooner and maybe I won't let it pile up like it has.


* Blog entry title came about after spending too many hours in the sunshine and possibly cooking my brain. I meant that it was less windy because we were behind something... but that wasn't what I said :) Vicki and I decided it would make a good romance novel title. Being I am not going to write a romance novel any time soon (or ever) it'll have to be a blog title :)

System down…

Thanks to the power outage in the downtown core I might be having a beach day today J Yesterday our system died because of the power outage. I spent the day catching up on things that didn’t require our system but now I’ve caught up and more J They didn’t get the system up and running until 5pm… even then we were running on the power generators. I stayed until 6:30 taking advantage of the system being up and caught up on some work. This morning I was excited to see that the system was up. Unfortunately that lasted all of 10 minutes. Shucks! So we’re SOL for today. I brought my beach stuff just in case because I could really use a beach day. I’ve had a lot of shit on my mind and haven’t been able to sleep lately. What I’d give to pass out on the beach and go for a swim! Anyways time to go help in the herbal dispensary… helping with making medications and tinctures doesn’t need computer systems.

Honesty...

is what friends are for... This is what Vicki tells me after me saping about how I have this boy on my mind and meow meow meow.

"well you need to listen to some different music woman....and get this idiot boy off your mind"

Oh I love her honesty and bluntness. It's so true :)

On my mind...

This is just a simple love song
For a simple love
So no, I don’t think it’ll top the charts
Or change patriarchy
But it just might touch your heart
This is just a simple love song
For a simple love, be strong
Now take the next step and be with me

Maybe I need a good night sleep to get over this. Maybe I just need to talk to you. But song like these make me smile and think of you and the thought of you makes me happy, even after all this time.

Poor chickens!

Alright so I've made my shopping list for this cake. I knew it would take a lot of butter, sugar and eggs... but check out these numbers!

54 eggs
21 cups sugar
17 cups butter
32 cups icing sugar
6 cups milk
12 cups flour (only!)
6 cups cream
24 oz dark premium chocolate
2 pounds cherries

I think I might need a car to bring this all back from Costco. Somehow the bus just won't cut it.

I lost my lens cap...

and I think I must have had a strange emotional attachment to it because "I wonder if it's cold." just crossed my mind.

I was out taking night shots in Queen Elizabeth park when I lost it. Usually I keep it in my bra (because I never lose it then! Boobs hold on to things) but not this time... and it's gone.

This is what my kid will be like...

Of course creating this decadent cake has been occupying my days lately. I've been researching many things and budgeting and shopping! Oh the fun! I stumbled across this and found it hilarious! I know I did this as a kid and can just imagine my own kids doing the same.

Polka dots and flying rocks

As I write this, the 3rd test cake is cooling on the kitchen counter. This one is a polka dot matcha tea cake (recipe revamped by Tartelette). This one quite interesting because I leanrt how to make my cake have little green matcha polka dots within the vanilla cake. Really cute and quite fun! The new egg beater is shot! I was so choked when it decided to stop working! I was just whisking eggs damn it! Anyways I think this is a clear sign from the universe that I should get that oh so sexy kitchenaid pro! Oh baby! Oh baby! Ok so I am taking it as a sign :P I just don't want anything to die on me the day of the cake making. Because as much as energetically whisking is fun... it won't be when it comes to making several batches of buttercream (all of which require heaps of beating).
I was going to make this with a regular white chocolate ganache... but white chocolate is so plain and boring! So what to do? Tartelette said that this cake goes really well with lemon custard or strawberry jam. Not having any strawberry jam in the house, I decided to use apricot jam. Grate a bit of ginger for an extra little zing and voila! Apricot ginger white chocolate ganache. I am looking forward to seeing how all of this works together.
This morning, while I was baking, a truck pulled up to the house under construction next to ours and it started throwing rocks past the giant pile to dirt and into a ditch around the house. It was so cool! I quickly ran to grab my camera and snap a couple of shots. I am sure this goes against every safety code in the book but it was cool to see!
As for what's happening with Minette... I still don't know. I was almost at peace with the idea of getting Mom and Dad to have her put down (I couldn't be there) but then something happened between Mom and I that had me greatly upset and I turned to Minette for comfort. When I am sad, she knows, she walks over to me, purring and that just broke my heart. I don't care how many poops, pees, pukes or what ever that I have to pick up. Holding her purring, loving little body in my arms is worth everything in the world.

Keep Calm Carry On

My day got better... I am sure glad it did! It wasn't an immediate turn around though. After spending the majority of the morning and early afternoon keeping to myself, I decided to be social and talk to Jen (a friend of mine who works with me). She knew that something was up because normally I am quite the chatter box. I am not one to bring my problems to work. Especially if it's a new job. As with many things, I want people to think I am strong and brave. I don't particularly like showing weakness. So even though I had to leave early today, I didn't give many details as to why. I hadn't even told Jen. This afternoon I decided to tell her (maybe because this was all I had on my mind and couldn't think of anything else to talk about). I admitted to her that I felt like I needed courage because I was getting tired of going through this. I knew that there was a herbal mixture for courage and I wondered if we carried it.
Jen and I went to the front and asked a couple of product specialists about it. All of the product specialists at work are so lovely :) They're so knowledgeable and compassionate it's really fantastic. Before I knew it, I was standing there with my mouth open, exposing under my tongue, ready to receive sprays of some interesting tasting herbal stuff. One of the ladies put some Courage tincture in my water and I was instructed to shake my water and then drink it as this tincture is activated by energy.
I was also given a mantra, the mantra for courage:
I trust the process of like. I have the power to create healthy changes. I stay present despite discomfort.
Feeling so well taken care of, I disclosed why I felt that I needed the courage. I was comforted by understanding smiles and rubs on the back. I chatted with a few of them about what I had done and what I was doing for my atypical cells. It seemed like I had covered all the bases except for the emotional aspect (this I am working on... it's no easy task).
For the rest of the day, I helped Jen with her work having finished mine. Throughout the rest of the afternoon, the ladies from the front (product specialist) would come by to give me more advice or suggest something else. Some would just rub my back understandingly for a few seconds as they passed by my desk.
Slowly I felt my spirits lift. I don't know whether it was because of the outpouring of compassion and love or because of the mixture of courage giving remedies that I was given but I felt much better. Still not 100% but at least I felt better. By the time 3:30 rolled around I was nervous. I had to pee every 5 seconds, had sweaty palms and had a gurgly tummy. It was time to leave work and walk the block to my gyno office.
As I was waiting for Vicki, I ran into Andrew. Being the perceptive guy that he is, he saw that I needed a hug and gave me one. The courage must have been wearing off because I broke down while in his arms. He already knew about what I was going through so I told him that I was just on my way up to the gyno. Vicki joined us, Andrew wished me luck, gave me an other hug and we were off.
Once sitting in the gyno office I was comforted by my OB GYN way of dealing with her clients. Last time I had an other doctor so it was good to have my old one back. Dr. S is awesome. She sat down with me and told me that I had 3 choices. She explained the choices to me and answered any questions that I had about them. As much as I love Dr. S I really don't want to see her more then I have to. I opted for a new option... the HPV test. This tests to see if the HPV is present in your body and if it is, then it's important to follow up on every irregular PAP test. It's also important to do biopsies and other procedures to make sure that it does not become cancer. If the test comes back negative then there is less to worry about because the chance of getting cervical cancer is near to none. The only catch? It costs 99$. Hardly a problem though because my piece of mind is worth more then that! I could also see how this could be a false sense of security because eventually one can end up getting HPV. But I'll be REALLY careful! Heck I gotta be! I am no longer on the pill and having a little Janelle running around is not an option.
Now I find myself with a new sense of security and an appointment for July 23rd for the HPV test. My cold like symptoms have gone away further proving to myself that colds and flu's are just a way that your body shows stress. Once that stress is resolved then it goes away. Tonight I am looking forward to a good night sleep and then maybe I will be able to deal with what to do with Minette. Tonight though, I am taking the night off.

* Entry title is taken from a saying that is printed in many places at my favorite restaurant. The Cascade on Main Street

Things I wish I knew about my cervix before today...

As a woman, our cervix likes to play games. Especially peek a boo. They play this certain game for 1/4 of our life time. A "normal" cervix looks like a mouth with your lips covering your teeth (our lips being the glands that cover part of the cervix). This is how our (women) cervix is most of the time. Sometimes though, the cervix plays peek a boo and shows it's glands (kinda looking like a normal mouth... the best way for me to describe this anyways). This is also normal as our cervix is made up of both tissue cells and gland cells. When a PAP comes back with atypical/abnormal cells, they are picking up those glandular cells. This is when your doctor would send you to see a gynocologist to get a colposcopy done (here the gyno looks to see whether your cervix is playing peek a boo or not). If it looks "normal". Hooray! Some gynos take a biopsy just in case (cuz biopsies are fun!). Others wait for further progression.
So when you have a normal abnormal result, that means that you're cervix is playing peek a boo and it's just that the PAP test cannot recognize that because it's ancient (has been around for 50 years...).
An other thing, this is one that I kinda knew, is that most cases of cervical cancer are due to the HPV virus. There are many strains of the HPV virus, most of which your body can get rid of on it's own. Men are carriers of HPV (thanks guys) therefore when they say that cervical cancer can be sexually transmitted, it's that the HPV virus is, not so much cervical cancer. A woman can give her partner HPV, however it is not very likely. There is a test that can be done by your gyno that can rule out or confirm whether you have HPV. This test is not covered by medical (extended or otherwise) in most of Canada (except for Quebec...) therefore it costs 99$ to perform the test. By finding out whether you have the virus, it's helpful in knowing whether you need to go for biopsies or LEAPs (which are like biopsies but with a general anesthetic and more tissue removal... sort of the next step).

It’s just one of those days…

It’s been about two months since I’ve had “one of those days”. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t been able to have a proper nights sleep for the past two weeks or maybe it’s the cold I’ve been fighting for the past week and a half or maybe its because I have my gyno appointment today for the biopsy or maybe it’s because I’ve been thinking about the possibility of putting Minette down or it could be a combination of all of the above. I don’t know but it sure does suck. I am glad I don’t feel like this as often as I used to.

I guess no matter how happy one is, they always have their down days. Maybe I just need a hug.