Keep Calm Carry On

My day got better... I am sure glad it did! It wasn't an immediate turn around though. After spending the majority of the morning and early afternoon keeping to myself, I decided to be social and talk to Jen (a friend of mine who works with me). She knew that something was up because normally I am quite the chatter box. I am not one to bring my problems to work. Especially if it's a new job. As with many things, I want people to think I am strong and brave. I don't particularly like showing weakness. So even though I had to leave early today, I didn't give many details as to why. I hadn't even told Jen. This afternoon I decided to tell her (maybe because this was all I had on my mind and couldn't think of anything else to talk about). I admitted to her that I felt like I needed courage because I was getting tired of going through this. I knew that there was a herbal mixture for courage and I wondered if we carried it.
Jen and I went to the front and asked a couple of product specialists about it. All of the product specialists at work are so lovely :) They're so knowledgeable and compassionate it's really fantastic. Before I knew it, I was standing there with my mouth open, exposing under my tongue, ready to receive sprays of some interesting tasting herbal stuff. One of the ladies put some Courage tincture in my water and I was instructed to shake my water and then drink it as this tincture is activated by energy.
I was also given a mantra, the mantra for courage:
I trust the process of like. I have the power to create healthy changes. I stay present despite discomfort.
Feeling so well taken care of, I disclosed why I felt that I needed the courage. I was comforted by understanding smiles and rubs on the back. I chatted with a few of them about what I had done and what I was doing for my atypical cells. It seemed like I had covered all the bases except for the emotional aspect (this I am working on... it's no easy task).
For the rest of the day, I helped Jen with her work having finished mine. Throughout the rest of the afternoon, the ladies from the front (product specialist) would come by to give me more advice or suggest something else. Some would just rub my back understandingly for a few seconds as they passed by my desk.
Slowly I felt my spirits lift. I don't know whether it was because of the outpouring of compassion and love or because of the mixture of courage giving remedies that I was given but I felt much better. Still not 100% but at least I felt better. By the time 3:30 rolled around I was nervous. I had to pee every 5 seconds, had sweaty palms and had a gurgly tummy. It was time to leave work and walk the block to my gyno office.
As I was waiting for Vicki, I ran into Andrew. Being the perceptive guy that he is, he saw that I needed a hug and gave me one. The courage must have been wearing off because I broke down while in his arms. He already knew about what I was going through so I told him that I was just on my way up to the gyno. Vicki joined us, Andrew wished me luck, gave me an other hug and we were off.
Once sitting in the gyno office I was comforted by my OB GYN way of dealing with her clients. Last time I had an other doctor so it was good to have my old one back. Dr. S is awesome. She sat down with me and told me that I had 3 choices. She explained the choices to me and answered any questions that I had about them. As much as I love Dr. S I really don't want to see her more then I have to. I opted for a new option... the HPV test. This tests to see if the HPV is present in your body and if it is, then it's important to follow up on every irregular PAP test. It's also important to do biopsies and other procedures to make sure that it does not become cancer. If the test comes back negative then there is less to worry about because the chance of getting cervical cancer is near to none. The only catch? It costs 99$. Hardly a problem though because my piece of mind is worth more then that! I could also see how this could be a false sense of security because eventually one can end up getting HPV. But I'll be REALLY careful! Heck I gotta be! I am no longer on the pill and having a little Janelle running around is not an option.
Now I find myself with a new sense of security and an appointment for July 23rd for the HPV test. My cold like symptoms have gone away further proving to myself that colds and flu's are just a way that your body shows stress. Once that stress is resolved then it goes away. Tonight I am looking forward to a good night sleep and then maybe I will be able to deal with what to do with Minette. Tonight though, I am taking the night off.

* Entry title is taken from a saying that is printed in many places at my favorite restaurant. The Cascade on Main Street