Spelt Pancakes

Spelt (even though it's an ancient grain and a species of wheat) it on the ok to eat list. So, craving something different for breaky, I decided to search the good old interwebs to find a spelt pancake recipe. I had a good one in some magazine but I was too hungry to look for it (yeah, I'm pretty useless when hungry). I adapted the recipe so that it's got more sustenance to it... and fruit!

Banana Pecan Spelt Pancakes

1 cup plus approximately 2-3 Tbsp spelt flour
1 Tbsp honey
2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 beaten egg
1 cup milk
2 Tbsp cooking oil
1 tsp vanilla

1 banana mushed

1 handful of pecans finely chopped

1. Combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon & pecans. Make a well in center of flour mixture; set aside. Combine the egg, milk, honey, mushed bananas and oil (honey won't completely dissolve but it's ok). Add egg mixture all at once to flour mixture. Stir just until moistened (batter should be lumpy). Add additional milk to thin batter if necessary.

2. For standard-size pancakes, pour or spread batter into a 3-inch circle on a hot, lightly greased griddle or heavy skillet. Cook over medium heat about 2 minutes on each side or until pancakes are golden brown, turning to second sides when pancakes have bubbly surfaces and edges are slightly dry. Serve warm.

Bye Bye Gourmet :(

It's a sad sad day in the world of Gourmet. For the past 3 years, I've had the magazine Gourmet delivered to my home. Though the magazine is riddled with big juicy meat recipes, it also has some beautiful recipes that can either be adapted or are meatless to start with. They also have stunning pictures (some of which I am going to frame and put in my kitchen, when I have my own kitchen one day) and educational articles. Heck! I just love anything to do with food. So having a magazine show up at my door once a month makes me happy. I loved catching up on the newest kitchen gadgets. Some were so neat! Really high end stuff wouldn't be found in the average foodie's kitchen. But things like that make me dream... makes me dream of what my kitchen would look like if money wasn't an issue (or if I had a kitchen of my own to start with). Ah well, it was fun while it lasted :) Time to find myself a new magazine that will challenge the foodie in me.

*Photo of most of the 2008 and 2009 magazines, the 2007 magazines are in some box somewhere. I've kept all of them and one day will take the time to put my favorite recipes in my recipe book. The little square of paper is what I received in the mail saying that I will no longer be receiving the Gourmet Magazines, but will receive Bon Apetit instead.

Just say No! to wheat

Actually I can't have wheat until December 23rd. Doctors orders :) I don't mind it. I am taking it as a challenge. Challenge is the right word because after a long day at work, an appointment and then two hours at the gym, I didn't have the energy, nor the patience to make a meatless wheatless dinner. I ripped open a bag of kettle corn and was ready to chow down. But then I thought about it and... well kettle corn isn't an acceptable dinner. I ate enough to give me enough energy to look up a recipe and I decided that I'd make the first one I found. Craving some comfort food, I settled on a Baked Rice, Cheese and Vegetable Casserole. This may be a bit of a pain in the ass if you're hungry and don't want to chop all the veggies (ok, so you just have to chop tomatoes, bell peppers and onions) but I have a slap chopper and though the adverts are really stupid, it's a great tool in the kitchen for when you're feeling lazy! It also feels good to whack something. Actually it felt so good that I ended up pureeing my tomatoes instead of chopping them but ah well :) No, I am not angry or upset at the moment, just got carried away slapchoppin'.
The casserole was delicious! But I'll have to try it again when I am not starved! When I am hungry, anything tastes delicious. Mom, Dad, Steph and Dasha are having it as a side dish with chicken and they just yelled over that 'the rice casserole is very good'. So there, it got the family's stamp of approval. Here's the recipe:

Baked Rice, Cheese and Vegetable Casserole

1/4 cup unsalted butter
1 onion, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped (I used red, we didn't have green, it was still yummy :))
1 1/2 cups frozen corn kernels, thawed (Not planning ahead, I used em frozen, worked just fine)
1 large tomato, the recipe says seeded, I threw em in, chopped
3 cups brown rice
2 cups grated Swiss cheese
3 tbsp cream
1 tsp dried thyme
1/4 cup almond flour (optional)
pepper to taste

Melt butter in heavy large skillet over medium-low heat. Add onion and bell pepper and sauté until tender, about 8 minutes. Add corn and tomato and sauté 3 minutes. Add rice, 1 cup cheese, cream, thyme and almond flour and stir until cheese melts and mixture is heated through. Transfer mixture to 8-cup soufflé dish.

Preheat broiler. Sprinkle remaining 1 cup cheese over rice mixture. Broil until cheese melts, about 2 minutes.

Yuuummmmmm!!!!! :) For desert, I had my first cup of eggnog sprinkled with fresh ground nutmeg. Bliss!

Spiced Cranberry Bundt Cake

Once a month, the Yoga Journal finds itself in my mail box. A while ago I subscribed to it because I enjoyed the articles in it. I don't actually practice yoga but I like the way of life and I try to incorporate it into mine. In the December issue there was an article about a woman who found peace in baking and spent her Saturday mornings making a bundt cake and giving it out to someone who would appreciate it (whether it would be a friend or stranger). This sparked something in me. It's been a while since I've baked something, never mind baked something for someone else. I've been enjoying all the cooking that I've been doing but my heart and soul belongs to baking.
After a short shift at work today, I walked to Granville island with my coworker and we enjoyed a beautiful afternoon in the sunshine. It's been beautiful and I decided to take advantage of the weather instead of going to the gym. As soon as I got home, I put on my pyjamas and apron* and started playing with sugars, butters and other ingredients that make baking so satisfying. While some people shy away from getting their hands covered in butter to cover the baking pan, I find pleasure in it. I like feeling the butter squish between my fingers as I smother it into the pan. I'm a very tactile baker and would rather use my hands to scoop up flour into measuring cups. There's something so satisfying about the feel of what you're putting into your dish.
Anyways, I ended up making two bundt cakes. One for work and one to be split between home and Heidi's. She'll be the first to receive a bundt cake baked with love :) Without further ado, here's the recipe for my spiced cranberry bundt cake

Spiced Cranberry Bundt Cake

2 cups all purpose flour
3/4 cup almond flour or almond meal (if you have a food processor, just grind almonds into a flour, otherwise you can get it at Capers)
2 1/2 tsp Chinese Five Spice powder
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground ginger (I used freshly grated ginger)
1 cup unsalted butter, at room temperature
1/2 cup sugar (the recipe calls for 1 cup, I halfed it)
1 cup brown sugar (they called for packed, I left it fluffy and it was well under 1 cup of brown sugar)
3 large eggs
1 cup plain Greek Style Yogurt (the recipe calls for reduced fat... I used the real deal)
1 cup toasted almonds, chopped
1 cup fresh or frozen cranberries (do not thaw)
1/2 cup dried cranberries
1/4 cup pomegranate seeds (I added this in because they're in season and they're so beautiful! I like, therefore I add)

Icing: 2/3 cup icing sugar & approx. 4 tsp orange juice

• Preheat oven to 350. Grease and flour a bundt pan.
• Whisk first 8 ingredients in a medium bowl. Using electric mixer, beat butter in a large bowl until smooth.
• Add both sugars and beat until fluffy, about 3 minutes.
• Add eggs, one at a time, beating for a minute after each addition.
• Beat in vanilla, then Greek style yogurt. Add dry ingredients; beat until just well blended.
• Fold in almonds and all cranberries. Transfer batter to prepared bundt pan.
• Cook until cake tester (aka toothpick) comes out clean, approximately 50 minutes to 70 minutes.
• Cool cake in pan about 10 minutes, then turn out on cooling rack to cool completely.
• For Icing: Sift icing sugar, then add 2 tsp orange juice. Stir until sugar has dissolved. Add more orange juice until mixture reaches consistency of heavy cream. Spoon icing over cake, allowing to drip down sides. Let stand until icing sets, approx 30 minutes.

Apparently the longer this cake stands, the better it'll taste. I haven't actually tried it yet but if it tastes anything like what the house smells like now, I am sure it will be amazing! I'll update this blog post once I've tried a piece (I'll wait until tomorrow because it's almost 11pm and I won't eat before bed).

Update: The bundt cake is really yummy! But next time, I would split (or do 1 1/2 cups to 1/2 cup) the flour half whole wheat and half white... I would even venture with spelt flour or an alternative. I would also be tempted to remove the sugars and add honey (1 cup). Nix the dried cranberries and the pomegranate (pom doesn't add or take anything away from the recipe) and replace it with 2 cups of frozen cranberries. But then again I enjoy the tartness of the cranberries as you bite into it.
Left alone, this cake is still delicious but I like to try a recipe and play with it to make it a little more unique.

*Jenny gave me this awesome apron for my birthday! I love it!!!

25 Days of Christmas Cookies

25 Days of Christmas Cookies. One year I am going to have enough time to do this but until then, I'll click through all the amazing recipes and make my favorite ones!

Now THIS is why I love December! I can bake to my hearts content and no one questions why I am showing up at their place with a batch of cookies, a bundt cake or other delicious goodies.

Honey-Glazed Tofu on Pumpkin Seed Couscous

This was pretty yummy and total prep time is under an hour! Would I make it again? Most likely but it definitely needs some tweaking. Next time I'll have to try less honey and less oil. As a matter of fact, I think I'll just half the sauce, marinate for longer and bake it instead of frying it all. The couscous though was stellar! I really enjoyed the whole wheat couscous instead of the regular kind. Tasted a little more earthy and had a bit more sustenance. Here's the original recipe:

Honey-Glazed Tofu
1 pack extra-firm tofu
2 tsp cracked black pepper
2 tsp dried thyme
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup honey

Pumpkin Seed Couscous
2 cups low-sodium vegetable broth
2 medium carrots, chopped (1 cup)
1 cup frozen edamame, thawed
2 tsp olive oil
1 tsp salt
1 1/2 cups whole-wheat couscous (Safeway doesn't carry this but Whole Foods does - though only in the bulk section)
1/2 cup toasted unsalted pumpkin seeds (I roughly chopped them and prefer it that way)

• To make Honey-Glazed Tofu: Place tofu between two plates and set heavy pot on top. Drain 10 minutes, and pat dry. Cut tofu into 3/8-inch-thick slices. Combine pepper, thyme, and salt in small bowl. Coat tofu slices with pepper mixture and set aside.
• To make Pumpkin Seed Couscous: Bring broth, carrots, edamame, olive oil, and salt to a boil in covered saucepan. Remove from heat and stir in couscous. Cover 5 minutes, then fluff with fork.
• Meanwhile, heat vegetable oil and honey in large skillet over medium-high heat until bubbling. Place seasoned tofu in pan, and cook 3 minutes. Turn and cook 3 minutes more, spooning thickening sauce over tofu.
• To serve: Stir pumpkin seeds into couscous. Spoon onto plates and top with Honey-Glazed tofu.

Voila! Just last week I made a lentil loaf and... well it's not really worth posting. I found that the flavors weren't very complex and it was rather boring. It tasted like lentils and chili. Really, I'm not a fan of lentils either so it was kind of a ho hum experience. There's half the loaf that's been sitting in my fridge and I am at a loss for what to do with it. I've carted around lentil loaf lunches for the past couple of days but either get something else to eat because I am just not feelin the lentils or I just don't eat at all. Unfortunately I bought 4kg of lentils from little India so I better find a yummy lentil recipe. Cuz really... what are lentils good for? I think we used to make maracas out of empty toilet paper tubes and lentils when I was in preschool.... so maybe I can donate my lentils to a preschool or something. Damn lentils... even ducks don't eat lentils!

Business Building

I've finally accepted the fact that work is unpredictable. It's been difficult not knowing what my day is going to look like and even more difficult to sit around, ready to work but with little or nothing coming in. Especially now. End of October was alright, beginning of November was good and now it's all messy (I had more clients on Thursday then I did on Saturday and Sunday combined!!! Usually those are my better days). But yesterday a client inspired me to do something about it. A coworker and I had a duet massage* with this couple and they enjoyed their massage so much that they left us a little happy holiday card. That simple gesture made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside which got me thinking... I can probably do something like this for my clients.
Alright, so this is a little bit of an aside. At work we don't have business cards. We have little 10% off cards where we can give those out with our name as the referral agent. But somehow I don't like giving those out. Yes, it's incentive for them to come back but I don't know how I feel about giving discounts to everyone. I guess this stems from some of our professional development classes when we were talking about discounting our rates and the effect that that may have on our business and client expectations.
Someone suggested that I make my own business cards, so some time, earlier this month, I sat down and designed really nice cards but something stumped me. What is my title? Until I am registered, I am a bodyworker. I don't like being a bodyworker. Not because of other bodyworkers but because of the name. Bodyworker. It makes people raise an eyebrow, wink and you and think perverted thoughts. Bodyworker. So I was thinking of alternate titles** but the only thing I came up with was 'almost registered massage therapist'. Even then, that was a stretch and I wasn't going to put that on my business card. Discouraged, I scraped the whole idea.
Yesterday I bit the bullet. I made holiday themed post cards with 'Happy Holidays/Joyeux Noel' written on them. It also has my name, the business name and phone number along with that one word that stumped me last month: Bodyworker. Yep, I did it. It looks pretty darn classy and I am quite stoked about receiving them (they should arrive in the mail in approximately 7 days... I rushed the order because December is... tomorrow). I'm excited. It's a step in the right direction I think.
I chose to make the card bilingual because I've found a new appreciation for being a Frenchie. I work with a woman who's french, from France and it's been really nice to get to talk to her in French. And, just this past week we've had a student come in at work and he'll be working with us for the next three weeks and he's french (from Quebec) too!! Also, Jenny (a fellow frenchie, I've known her since grade 4), Darla and I went to the Backstage Lounge on Granville island for frenchie night. It was fantastic to listen to everyone speak french and to dance to some french music.
So hopefully after all this, I'll end up with more business. But if I don't... well at least it has made me grow as a therapist. And that's always a good thing :)

*Duet massages are when two people get a massage in the same room. Despite the room being VERY small for the therapists, it's usually a different dynamic and is wonderful to work with.

**Massage therapist, registered massage therapist, massage practitioner etc. have all been taken by the College of Massage Therapists (governing body for the registered therapists)

Cooking with Seitan

Awe man! This recipe was delicious! Unfortunately trying to find seitan in Whole Foods was an experience in itself.
I decided to try this recipe because I wanted to find an other meat alternative. I had never heard of seitan (pronounced sEItan... not satan) but I wanted to try it out. But first I had to find it. Now it's not really popular so most people at Whole Foods looked at me a little strange when I asked them where I could find seitan. One guy abandoned me, probably because he thought I was crazy. Finally, a gentleman was able to help me and together we looked high and low for it. We started in the meat alternative section but had trouble finding it. He asked a coworker who said it might be in the frozen section. So we looked there and seitan wasn't in the freezer. Hee hee :) I had a grand time imagining myself looking for the devil in the freezer and meat alternative section. Finally it was in the meat alternative section but it's mixed in with the tofu so it's not very obvious. It's pricier (about $5 for 7.9oz) then tofu but really, that's not that much of an issue, just means I won't be cooking with it every day.
The recipe, Seitan 'meatballs' with winter tomato sauce, is a twist on spaghetti and meatballs. Wanting to stray away from spag, I made the 'meatballs' with steamed kale (still on my kale kick). It had enough sustenance and was very yummy. The 'meatballs' were quite salty. I don't know if this is due to the fact that the only seitan that Whole Foods had at the moment was ginger and garlic flavored and not original (like the recipe calls for). Or perhaps seitan is just a little saltier. Now don't get fooled by it's unappetizing look (it kind of looks like a very sick liver). It smells quite nice (earthy) and the finished product was delicious too!
I'm tempted to rename this recipe because seitan meatballs doesn't quite cut it. I don't like calling it a meatball cuz there's no meat (unless you want to call seitan wheat meat/gluten meat). Calling it Seitan balls doesn't work either. Perhaps Seitan pecan balls... Still. No. Anyways so here's the recipe :)

Seitan Meatless Meatballs

1 (16 oz) package seitan
1/2 cup pecans
1/2 cup whole-wheat bread crumbs
1/4 cup chopped parsley (I used cilantro cuz I grabbed the wrong thing out of the fridge and only realized it once I chopped it all up... it the end it we all agreed that cilantro tastes better then parsley would)
1/4 cup chopped fresh basil (use basil stems as well as leaves)
1/8 tsp dried oregano
3 cloves garlic, minced
3 tbsp olive oil, divided
1 tsb low-sodium soy sauce (or BRAGGs Liquid Aminos)
1 tsp egg replacer powder (I used 1 egg)

• Preheat oven to 400F. Coat baking sheet with cooking spray.
• Crumble seitan in food processor. Add pecans; pulse to blend.
• Transfer to bowl. Stir in breadcrumbs, herbs, garlic, 1 tbsp. olive oil, and soy sauce.
• Whisk egg replacer with 1/4 cup water until frothy (or just whisk 1 egg, no water); fold into seitan mixture.
• Shape mixture into 18 balls. Place on prepared baking sheet and brush with remaining 2 tbsp oil.
• Bake 20 minutes, turning once, or until crusty and lightly browned.

Some of the balls were a little crumbly so I ended up drizzling the oil on when I was supposed to turn them... I didn't turn them for fear they'd crumble and they turned out just fine :)

Chipotle Chili No Carne

Last week I made my favorite chili recipe. It's quite fitting considering the cooler, wetter days (and nights) that we've been having. Finally I've been able to find chipotle chilies (I was looking in the produce section this entire time... they're in the canned section with the Mexican stuff). I have yet to find chipotle chilies in adobo. Most places when I ask, they look at me like I'm a little crazy.
Anyways, this is a favorite recipe of mine. It makes quite a bit of chili so be prepared to have it for left overs. One evening, my family was having chicken burgers for dinner and I had a chili burger. It was messy but delicious! So there are some fun things you can make for the left overs... but let me tell you. By day 5 (of having this for lunch and dinner most days) I couldn't handle any more. I also have a tummy of steel, so if some people are sensitive to things like beans n lots of veggies, I suggest not eating so much chili.

Chipotle Chili No Carne

2 tbsp vegetable oil
1 1/2 cup yellow onion, chopped
1 cup red bell pepper, chopped
2 tbsp garlic, minced
2 chipotle chilies in adobo, freeze the rest of the can
1 (7oz) jar of sundried tomatoes packed in oil*
1 medium zucchini, diced
2 cups frozen corn kernels
1 1/2 lbs portobella mushrooms, stemmed, wiped clean and cubed**
2 tbsp chili powder
1 tbsp ground cumin
1/4 tsp cayenne
1 1/4 tsp salt
2 (14 oz) can diced tomatoes (I use one)
1 (14 oz) can black beans
1 (14 oz) can red kidney beans
1 (15oz) can tomato sauce
1 cup vegetable stock or water
1/4 cup fresh cilantro leaves

• In a large pot, heat oil over medium-high heat.
• Add the onions, bell peppers, and garlic. Cook, stirring, until soft. 3 minutes.
• Add the zucchini, corn, mushrooms, and cook, stirring and the vegetables give off their liquid and start to brown around the edges, about 6 minutes. (I never understood this step, the veggies can't brown if there's liquid, so I just wait until the liquid evaporates and I brown the veggies a little)
• Add the chili powder, cumin, cayenne, salt and stir, until fragrant, 30 seconds.
• Add the diced tomatoes and stir well.
• Place the sundried tomatoes (with oil) and chipotle chilies in food processor, and process until it forms a paste, add to the pot.
• Add the beans, tomato sauce, and vegetable stock (water), stir well and bring to a boil.
• Reduce the heat to medium-low and simmer, covered, stirring occasionally, for about 20 minutes.
• Remove from the heat and stir in fresh cilantro. Adjust the seasoning to taste.

*I often use sundried tomatoes, then I boil them to soften then in about 1/2 cup of water. I then top up that water to a cup and add it when the recipe requests it. When blending the sundried tomatoes and chipotle chilies, I add a tbsp of oil just to make it easier to blend.

** You can also use brown mushrooms (little protobellas). I cube the stems too... same thing, different shape. Plus it's a chili! It all looks the same when it's been boiled together.

Christmas 2009

Christmas is just around the corner... I don't know how it happened but it's here! I am actually really quite excited about this Christmas season. Just like I did last year, I want to do something for the people living in the downtown east side. It's most likely not going to be as big as last year but I still want to do something. I can't remember if I blogged about x-mas 2008 on the DTES. I'll have to take a look and see. If I haven't then I most likely will (but not tonight. I want to go to sleep).
So I've been wracking my brain as to what to do. Last year I worked with OnSite and brought Christmas there. This year I want to do something for the people on the streets. I see them every time I go to and from the gym (which is 2 to 3 times a week). There's just as big a crowd if it's sunny, cold, cloudy or raining. They're just out there. I guess that's because they don't have anywhere to go. I make eye contact with them and smile, just to acknowledge their presence. Most of them don't ask for food. One guy asked me for a hug. Of course, I gave him one. Today I saw my old neighbor, Bill. He now lives in the downtown east side. I smiled at him, he stared blankly at me. He probably doesn't recognize me because him and Linda moved out when I was 10. He was also drunk most of the time and Linda... well I haven't seen her. My guess is that she's passed away. I think I remember hearing about something like that a while ago. Anyways. Though I see Bill three or four times a year, we never talk to each other. I am always glad to see him. Alive. Maybe not well.
So what am I going to do for the people in the downtown east side? So far, the best idea I've come up with is making a couple hundred ginger bread people, decorate them (all of them will have a little pink heart) and hand them out on the corner of Main and Hastings. There's no doubt that I'll find a couple hundred homeless people. I've been guesstimating how many there are each time I go by. There's lots of them. I think there will be just as many come Christmas time... cuz really... where are they going to go? It's not as if they're going to visit family. Unfortunately. Anyways, this seems like the best option. Baked goods are part of the holidays and it'll be cheaper then buying socks/underwear/gloves/hats/scarves etc etc etc for them.
If anyone wants to help out, let me know :) My favorite memories of last years Christmas was wrapping up the presents for OnSite with Mom and Dad, delivering the presents with Uncle Steve on Christmas eve day (despite the snow storm) and seeing a pile, almost as tall as me, of presents in the storage room, knowing that they'll go out to people that will be so grateful to have them. Hopefully this year I can make new memories, either with the same people or with others.

A new kind of comfort food

After a shite day at work, I walked around in the rain and wind and mulled over what to have for dinner. The final verdict, brown rice, wilted red kale topped with pesto fried tofu (or tofu fried pesto...). After a soothing hour in the kitchen I enjoyed this beautiful meal. I've decided that I am going to start blogging about the vegetarian recipes that I try. There are three reasons for this. 1) I have been defaulting to pasta and other simple carbohydrates while veggies and random forms of protein (tofu, legumes etc) have gone out the window 2) I've been enjoying reading Brandon's blog about all of the new recipes that he's making... unfortunately most of them contain meat 3) A coworker of mine, Erin (and here), is newly veg and has been updating her fbook status with wonderful veg friendly recipes.
I think we can all learn something from each others cooking adventures. If not, well at least now these recipes are written out and not just in my head. I think we've all learnt I'm a big fan of dum dee dumming (This is what Dad calls making things up as he goes along) so some of the measures will be a splash, shake, handful or other vague kind of measurement. The joy of this is that you make the dish your own. Add more of what you love and less of what you don't. I believe this makes food that much more enjoyable (and fun to cook).

Wilted Red Kale & Pesto Fried Tofu

Rice: 1 cup brown rice, 1/2 cup wild rice, 1 1/2 cup veggie stock, 1 1/2 cup water. Make rice.
Tofu & Kale:
12 stems Red kale (or regular kale... but the colour was appealing) to prep kale, take a single stalk with the stem pointing to the ceiling, the leaves/leaf towards your counter, grasp stalk between thumb and forefinger and... well lets just say if it was a cat, you'd be petting it backwards. All the leaves should peel off the stem and the stem (which is usually too fibrous and woody) goes into your compost
1 pack firm tofu cut into cubes (not little cubes... medium sized cubes)
3 generous splashes of soy sauce
1 tbsp vegetable (or olive) oil
1 to 1 1/2 tsp chopped garlic
1 thumb size nub of ginger, finely grated (keep in mind, I have fat thumbs... so in this case, more is better)
1 handful of sesame seeds
2 tbsp pesto (or you can chop up basil... but I was lazy once and found this to make a much tastier recipe! Work smarter, not harder ;) )

Put cubes of tofu and soy sauce in a container and shake to evenly coat tofu with soy sauce. Set aside. Cook rice.
After rice is half cooked, heat oil in a wok (unless you want to individually flip the cubes... but I like using a wok so I can toss the tofu to flip it... sometimes it makes a mess, sometimes I can actually throw the tofu and catch it in the wok). Once oil is heated, add garlic. Saute garlic.
Add tofu to garlic and oil. If there is excess soy sauce, do not put it in the pan just yet. Instead, set it aside. You'll use it later. Start water (with a bit of salt, preferably Himalayan Salt) to boil for kale) and let it boil. Kale should not be in the pot just yet.
Cook tofu until almost browned on all sides. While it's cooking, grate ginger and stir together.
Just before tofu is almost done, add kale to your boiling pot of water (don't forget the steamer bit). Keep a close eye on the kale, you don't want it to get mushy. Just wilt it. It should still have texture.
To the tofu, add soy sauce. Stir. Toss in sesame seeds. Stir. Spoon in pesto. Stir and it finish cooking for a minute or so.
Hopefully everything has timed correctly and you should be ready to eat. Enjoy!

Up next... I am going to try to find my vegetarian chili recipe! With this rainy weather it's time to bust out the chili's and soups :) Yum!

Ding Dong the Mouse is Dead*

Actually it died a good week ago now. But it freaking stinks! I know it died because I heard it die... for 3 hours! I woke up to the sound of dragging and clanging. Mr. Mouse caught himself in a trap and climbed into a part of the ceiling that is non accessible (also near the heating vent... which means when we turn on the heat, I get blasted with eau de dead mouse) and tried to escape. Unfortunately he worked REALLY hard at trying to escape while hauling a mouse trap. He'd drag and clang, then it would be silent, then he'd drag and clang and it would be silent. While it was silent I'd envision this little mouse laying down, paws sprawled, panting and then eagerly trying again. Because I'm a light sleeper, his misadventure kept me up until finally the clanging and banging stopped. Rest in peace little Mouse. Sorry you had to go that way. I told Mom and Dad about the fate of a mouse and they didn't believe me. Later that evening after checking the traps Dad comes upstairs and announces "we've lost a trap'. TOLD YOU!!!!
Anyways, because Mr. Mouse decided to die in the vent somewhere in my room it's been pretty smelly. I don't know if it's because I've had the day off (I've spent the day sleeping in, sorting through photos, getting photos printed and reading... LOVE IT!) and I've spent the day in my room but it freaking smells today!!! I've been burning so much incense that my brother bollywood danced his way to the computer room a couple of days ago. Luckily they know better to bitch about the incense/candles etc because hey! If your room stank like this, you'd be doing the same thing!!
Tomorrow I'm going to turn the heater and dehumidifier full blast in the hopes of turning this dead mouse into a raisin. Apparently it takes weeks before the smell goes away... GREAT! Luckily I haven't heard any other little critters running around. I think we've (ok, Mom and Dad) plugged all of the holes so none other are coming in. This was the last one trapped in the house and he couldn't get out.
Anyways, it fucking stinks in my room! Mom and Dad are most likely going to be pissed that I posted that we even had mice in our house but... well if anyone comes over they'll smell something and I am not taking the blame for the smell... It's a dead mouse!

*Borrowed title from this David's blog post. A freaking hilarious post about dead mice... yes, I was trying to figure out how long the dead mouse smell is going to last. Ew!

Why?

An other damned anxiety attack. This time I didn't run to the kitchen but jumped out of bed and looked at my bed as if what ever was giving me anxiety would be laying there. Dasha and Stephane were awake so they kept me company for a bit but they've gone to bed now. Unfortunately the feeling hasn't gone to bed and I'm keeping myself awake because as soon as I fall asleep it comes back. Each time there's always some thing that I get anxiety over. This time it was because I couldn't salsa dance with all the world. Weird and unreasonable but for some reason it brings up anxiety. Just typing that out and I've started to sweat again and my breathing's become more shallow and rapid. It's SO strange!
Anyways I've blogged about it before and it looks like my last anxiety was in July so I guess that's good. Though I am sure I had some during board exams as well. I'll keep blogging about them to see if there's a pattern. So far, it doesn't look like it, but we'll see.

I'm not dead... I'm actually a year older

Well 20 some odd days older since my last post but I did just celebrate my 24th birthday :)
So yes. I am not dead. I've been consistently working away at two jobs (which keep me rather busy, most often working 7 days a week) and trying to balance out my life now that the dust is settling.
It's taken a while for the dust to settle though. I think I was affected by both failing my board exam and what ever we want to call what would have happened with Cesare (the Italian boy). I found myself constantly wanting to go away and even toyed with the idea of moving to Hawaii for a year. Luckily (or unluckily, depending on the perspective), I've got the finances of a newly graduated student so flying off to paradise to live for a while couldn't happen like that. So here I am. Still in Vancouver, trying to find this fine balance.
Work is picking up and I think I'm finally starting to have a somewhat predictable pay cheque... this kind of makes me want to drop my 2nd job (its purpose was to give me a steady pay cheque when job #1 wasn't busy). With only having one job, I'd be able to have more time to study for board exams take II. I also might have time to clean my room (right now there's a path that goes from my bedroom door to my bed and there are little clearings here and there for me to stand, tip toed, to reach my closet/couch/drawers if I need something that isn't on the floor) or to clean my study space (I think my lap could use a break from being radiated by my lap top).
Though out all this, I've been able to go to the gym consistently (I've lost 4' around my ribcage! Unfortunately, that was the only base measure I had and that's only because of bra size) and I've kept up with my salsa dancing lessons. I've found that the perfect gym time consists of half an hour to an hour of cardio, an hour of weights/squats etc, twenty minutes to half an hour of salsa dancing practice and finish with fifteen minutes of stretching. The girls and I have also gotten in a wonderful routine of meeting up on Friday nights for drinks, dinner, and/or dancing. Last week, we celebrated mine and Maja's birthday on Saturday and had an absolute blast! This Saturday we're all dressing up for Halloween and going dancing :)
Now even with all that, I've managed to go to dinner with a couple of guys... though I can't say I'd call these dates (or maybe they are). This is when I realized that I was a lot more affected by the Italian Boy then I would have hoped. I didn't find this out on my own. I was actually waiting for one of the guys when my girl friend Margaret called and when she asked me how I felt about this guy, I kind of hummed and hawed and said that I wasn't too sure. But then I stopped and thought about it and realized that I had no reason to feel iffy about said date and realized that I was kiboshing my 'dates' before they even got off the ground. Margaret reminded me that my last romantic situation (or what ever those last escapades should be called), I felt quite confident that everything was going to work out (so much so that I bought a ticket for Italy) but then he just vamoosed! So it's understandable that I have to learn to trust my feelings again. The dinner did go well. We closed down the restaurant and had great conversation. We even met up a couple days later and went dancing... but it petered out after that.
As for what happened to the Italian boy... After I canceled my tickets, I didn't e-mail him or anything. I figured that was that. End of story. But one day, I get a panicked phone call from Maja. She's on fbook chat and Cesare sent her a message saying hello and asking how she was. The plan, to talk to Cesare and see if he mentions anything about why he ran off. Eventually he mentions that he became scared and that's why he fell off the face of the earth. Not much else came from that conversation other then Maja telling him that it would probably be a good idea for him to contact me and at least apologize. He said he wants to but needs time (what ever that means). Still, I've received nothing. I sent him a last message a couple months back saying that it was unfortunate that our communication ended the way it did but I still look back on my trip to Hawaii and our time spent together with great fondness. I wished him well and left it at that. So essentially, nothing much has happened to the Italian boy but in case some people were wondering... that's the latest (and most likely the last). Yes, while celebrating my birthday the thought did cross my mind that I could have been in Milan. And yes, I guess it hurt. But here I am trying to find the careful balance between work, play and studying for this damn exam.

2nd grade math equation

Janelle goes outside to pick crab apples and realizes she's locked herself out of her house. Because she can't get back in and is bored, she decides to count the apples. Janelle has 192 apples. Janelle then gets bored and eats 4 apples. How many apples are left?

True story! :) My brother and I were recapping our day and he said my adventure sounded like a 2nd grade mathematical equation. But maybe you just had to be there :)

You know what I've discovered?

Well we all know I am a people person and that's one of the reasons why I chose to be a massage therapist... however, here's something I didn't think of. While it's true that being a massage therapist you work in close (very close) proximity to people, you really don't get to interact with them much. I mean you greet them, do a short case history, then they're on the table, then they're gone, change sheets, tidy room, repeat. Despite being a talkative person and a people person, I encourage my clients to relax and not talk while on the table. So this means that even though I am in the presence of people during most of my shift, I definitely don't interact with them much. The challenge of getting them to fall asleep has already gotten old. As has the guessing game of 'has their breath changed so that they're sleeping, or is that just relaxed breathing etc etc'.
Ah well. At least I enjoy the company of my coworkers... unfortunately we only see one an other when we're restocking our rooms or checking the schedule to see who our next client is.

I'm like the Canucks...

I'll have to try again next year to win the Stanley Cup*. That's a twisted way of saying. I failed my board exam.

All of my friends got their letters yesterday and they all passed!!! A great huge congrats to Pam and Maja who passed their board exams. Being I didn't get a letter yesterday, I knew the letter would arrive today. I was at work from 9:30 until 2:30 today so I sent a text message to my brother asking him to call me when he got home from class. I love my little bro to bits and I thought that it would be something special to share my success (I was pretty sure I'd passed... everyone else had) or my failure with him. By the time he was back home, it was past 2:30 and I was on the seawall with a warm cup of chai tea in my hand. The day was stunning! I decided to enjoy it and walk from work to the market via the seawall and enjoy this beautiful day. The sky was clear blue with a few whispy clouds, the air was crisp, the mountains were clear and from where I was walking I had a clear view of Stanley Park and downtown Vancouver both basking in the sunshine of this beautiful fall day. If I was home to read the letter and I passed, I'd just want to go outside. If I failed... being outside would be good for me because inside I'd probably hole up and mope.
So I was just past Kits beach when I called my brother back. We talked a bit while he opened the letter and then he read it out to me. I forget the actual wording but basically I am not eligible to register at this time because I was unsuccessful at the oral practical portion of the board exam. Oh well that's not quite what I was expecting! Steph and I talked a bit. I am sure I blabbered on but I didn't cry. I wasn't really upset. I was glad I did what I did and I was glad I could share this moment with my brother (even if it was over the phone). While we were talking, I thought to myself: 'has anything changed from when you first got on the phone?' The answer to that was no. The day was just as bright and beautiful. The mountains as clear and the leaves were still changing in the park. The smell of my chai tea still gave me a feeling of warmth despite the cold and I was happy to have such an awesome brother who would actually read out such a letter.
Yes. I did fail. However I was still where I was before and I was still happy. I wrapped up my conversation with my brother so I could text message the girls, call Mom, then Dad before my phone died (it had been beeping that it was low on battery all shift... so it didn't have much oomph left). I managed to get all the messages out. I got a surprised text from Darla and I told her I wasn't joking. A phone call from Pam and then my phone died. I called Mom from a payphone. I was glad my cellphone was dead. I didn't want to talk to anyone. The rest of my walk was in peace and it was beautiful. I had thoughts running though my head but none of dread or anything like that. I was more upset that I had to do the darn exam again.
By the time I arrived at the market, the music from the buskers coaxed board exam thoughts out of my head and all I could think of was how much I love being at the market. Corn stalks, pumpkins and fall decorations are already for sale and the lovely man playing guitar was smiling at me. I walk into the market and I see the beautiful flower arrangements. I promise to myself that I am going to buy myself flowers after I pick up the ingredients for tonight's dinner (Bohemian Rye Bread and Wild rice and cranberry soup... both made from scratch, by hand by me :) the perfect fall dinner).
Thoughts of board exams and my failing it weaved in an out of my head but really, I was all too happy to be at Granville market. Here I was, alone on such a beautiful day. I was surrounded by fresh ingredients, so many food possibilities! It's really quite exciting. I left the market with my loot and made my way home. I think the greatest disappointment of the day was no me failing my board exams but being half way home and realizing that I forgot to buy myself flowers!
Once home, I deliberately didn't check my phone. Marguerite called and said she was at my place :) We talked about my board exam a little but mostly we caught up. We cooked but she had to leave before the bread was ready (I just took it out of the oven at 11:30pm... apparently Bohemians had a lot of time on their hands because this takes a long time) and before the soup was done.
It was only after she left that I checked my voice mail and I had three messages. The first from Heidi made me cry. The second, from Annette, and the third from Margaret kept me crying. The huge outpouring of love was what really touched me. I am lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. So yes, I did fail my board exam but I get to try my luck again January 13th 2010. Hopefully I'll be more successful at passing my board examination then the Canucks are at winning the Stanley Cup.

*This comparison to the Canucks and the Stanley Cup stems from my phone call with Uncle Steve (in regards to me not passing). I liked the comparison even though it's not entirely accurate :)

Frusterated

It's just one of those days. I feel like Eeyore with an upset tummy and cramps. Normally I'm a patient person but today, while at work, there was this little yappy dog barking away and I daydreamed about throwing it into 4th ave rush hour traffic. I didn't. Nor would I ever. But still, the thought crossed my mind. I also only have pleasant customers and if they're not pleasant, at least they're not unpleasant but today all the grouchy people came in to the store. Maybe it's the weather because some of my friends have mentioned that they've felt the same way as well.
I kind of feel like I am heading in the wrong direction. I am working really hard at two jobs. One which I love and the other which is stressing me out and isn't paying much (which makes me wonder why I am letting it affect me... or even why I am still there). Every paycheque goes to paying down debt and contributing towards an upcoming trip. Now with the news of me moving out (most likely by mid month to beginning of next) that's added expenses. Birthdays are coming up soon (not complaining, just saying... plus I love treating those that I love and the Birthdays coming up happen to be that of my Mom's, Uncle Steve, Dad's, Brother and Auntie Marcy... yep... I love all of them :) to bits!) and next thing I know it'll be Christmas. If I pass my board examinations I'll have registration fees and insurance to buy... not to mention student loans have to start to be paid back soon. Anyways life is never short of expenses and I know that but it just seems like this trip might be a little silly. Maybe I should focus on settling a little here in Vancouver before I run off again. Maybe travel should wait. I can't possibly do everything!
The girls mentioned that we should all go to Whistler for Maja and I's birthday (we're born a year and a day apart) and though I think it's a great idea, I politely said no thanks because that's money I could be putting towards Asia. Though Asia will be awesome, I think I need to get my priorities straight. I realized this more so this weekend when we all went out and partied together. I think I should ground myself at the job I love and with the one that's not so hot... I should find something that will be a better fit.
I've also sacrificed my health so I could use that money for my trip. Which is stupid because now I am in pain and miserable because my body is all askew. With a body all askew, I'm a pretty useless therapist and I'd definitely be a miserable traveler.
So perhaps I should just stay here and ground myself. But then again part of me (and quite a big part at that) just wants to travel. Asia (or the rest of the world for that matter) isn't going anywhere. But then again, the opportunity of traveling with my cousin might not be there again. Maybe I should just go back to Hawaii.

Life's little questions

Why is it that when you're drunk, it's completely ok to make out with random guys and use 'i was drunk' as an excuse. But then when you're drunk, meet a guy, gradually sober up and then want to make out with him, it's not ok because then you're sober and 'i was drunk an hour ago' doesn't work as an excuse. And because now, you're sober and you no longer have the stones to just plant him one.

Just one of life's little questions.

*I haven't gotten my exam results back yet. Apparently they're going to be mailed this coming Wednesday or Thursday... so it's going to be a while still.

How is it fair

that my salsa dancing instructor (left) looks like this? Salsa classes start a week from today.

Waiting for the postman

Tomorrow's the day. Well I could get the letter in the mail tomorrow but knowing Canada Post I am sure I won't get it for a while. Apparently there's a week window (starting tomorrow, ending in a week from tomorrow) when we will get our results from our board exams. I'm a little nervous but I don't really know why.
For this exam I really hope I passed because I don't want to do the OP again. Though all the landmarks, muscles, scenarios, interview questions etc were fair, I don't feel it will ever be an accurate representation of how I am in practice. I'm working as a bodyworker now and I can tell you that if someone comes to see me with anterior compartment syndrome, I won't start sweating bullets and blabbering on like an idiot. Heck! I've already treated it in practice (or pre-practice, we're not allowed to do 'therapeutic work' so I 'relaxation massaged' their anterior compartment). It's just the pressure of having two stone faced examiners and one examiner that's testing your hands. That's a lot of pressure... and that's not something that we're really going to get in real life (the pressure I mean).
Yep, I know. The examiners are just doing they job and that's a ok by me. They actually do a fine job at it :) I was just nervous and I hope they take into account that I usually don't shake like leaf, sweat like I'm having a hot flash, that my voice doesn't quiver when I talk and that I am usually confident with my answers and explanations.
Well. Fingers crossed. Because waiting by the mailbox will only make me neurotic (and because it's my only day off for the next two weeks), tomorrow Pam, Marguerite and I are going to hike the Grouse Grind then go to Wreck beach :). If I do have to redo my OP, then... c'est la vie :) And la vie is pretty darn awesome!

Michelangelo... a VERY smart man!

Yes, this has me baffled too! So neat that the man was sneaky as well as talented!

Life after board exams

So I'm working two jobs. I am at Solarice 4 days a week and told the other place I work at that I want to work 3 days a week. For some reason the other place is only booking me 2 days a week but instead of complaining, I am taking that day. Because I work alone at this other place, it can get pretty darn boring. I've been reading a lot and I've been enjoying it quite a bit. Today was especially slow (I worked 3 hours and had two customers!)... so I finished half of my book. I was even inspired to write something
'Sitting at work, I hear the sound of gently falling rain. A sound that Vancouverites recognize as fall's return. My shop is empty. Passed bys rush past the open door, glancing at the storefront with a flash of contemplation crossing their face. They continue onward, keeping covered by their water proof shields. As the street light changes, it sends a new wave of noisy motorists, shattering the steady humm of the neighborhood. The sound of wheels on wet pavement bring a new feelings of comfort. Leaves, weighed down by the rain, can no longer hold onto their branches and fall to the ground. The wind blows them into the store. My next customer; Mother Nature.'
I used to do quite a bit of creative writing before I started massage school, however that stopped. It was nice to find a scrap of paper and scribble out my thoughts. I'm out of practice but I am sure I'll get back into the swing of it again.
After work, I went to the gym (yes, I am finally back! It's been tough returning) and managed to do an hour and fifteen on the treadmill, I tried out the stairmaster (new to the gym) and didn't really get it... but I gave it a fair go... 15 minutes, then my whole ab routine and some rowing (an other new machine). Rowing killed me. I loved it! Will have to get coached on proper rowing techniques though because I can see how this could be beneficial.
Now I ache, I am happy. I've got a pot of rice pudding bubbling on the stove and I am ready for bed. I'm just about ready to start tomorrow, a new week at Solarice. I could get used to this :)

Board Exam Results!

Last Thursday I got the phone call with the results of my written exam. I awaited by my phone patiently and was SO nervous! I was so jumpy that any sudden (and even not so sudden) noise would make me jump! Luckily I had a client (because I still had to work) and that actually calmed me down. I've been practicing leaving everything at the door when I go in with a client so that they don't take on which ever energy that I am feeling (that's not what they came for) so the true test was last Thursday. In the end, it worked out beautifully. Afterwards I met Jenny for lunch and I had a killer grilled cheese at the Naam. That's when my phone rang. I jumped, swallowed my half chewed piece of grilled cheese and answered my phone. When she told me I passed, I just about choked on my own saliva! I was awaiting a 'nice try but it wasn't quite good enough'. Within a couple of minutes the phone conversation was over and I had my OP time... 26 hours away from the phone call!
Thursday night Pam came over, we tried to study but I wasn't really into it. Friday I studied a little, here and there. Reviewing before I left home. By 3 I was sitting in the lobby of the hotel, waiting to start my OP. Here's how a massage therapy oral practical is laid out...
3:15 - Cheif examiner gets all 5 people to be examined from the lobby and brings us to a conference room where she tells us what our pathology is going to be. 'Anterior Compartment Syndrome' is all she said - and it's the condition our group had.
3:15-3:40 - individually we brainstorm about anterior compartment syndrome... my thought process went something like this 'ANTERIOR COMPARTMENT OF WHAT!!!' Luckily I calmed down and was able to think clearly.
3:40-4:55 - two straight faced examiners with clipboards examine your every move and word while an other examiner (the 'patient') examines things like touch and our hands. It's broken down as follows:
3:40-4:00 - four muscles are given, you are to palpate (fancy word for touch) it from origin to insertion, demonstrate to the examiners each of the muscles actions and then manual muscle test (activate the muscle and check it's strength) the muscle on both sides.
Then, four landmarks are given and you must identify them, palpate them and an examiner will check whether you're correct (the one you're feeling these landmarks on is also examining how precise you are).
4:00-4:10 - you have to perform an interview with the client to find out more about their condition, then you need to do two relevant special tests.
4:10-4:40 - You have 30 minutes to treat effectively and safely the condition you are given along with the information you found out during your interview.
4:40-4:55 - you have to give a remedial exercises in the following categories (one for each) hydrotherapy, strengthen, stretch, and two changes of activities of daily living (all to do with the case)
Then you're done, you're sweating like there's no tomorrow but your voice has finally stopped quivering. The times given are approximates because... time flies!
I walked to Burrard and 4th from Robson and something or other. Margaret and I went over our cases and talked about what we COULD have done (now that we were no longer nervous). By the time I sat on the bus, I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was go home and be with Mom and Dad. It was perfect. They were home, we had dinner, then I lay in my hammock while they sat on chairs on the deck and we talked until 10pm. Darla came home and we went for drinks. I'm lucky to be surrounded by those that I love.
I will get my results in 2 to 3 weeks from today... They come by mail so it may take a while. I hope I passed because even though it wasn't as bad as people say it was... it's still nerve wracking. And it's funny how part of your brain shuts off when you need to say things out loud.

Holding my breath

Well the day is the day. Today I find out whether I passed or failed the written portion of the board exam. Over the course of the past week I haven't been overly afraid of today. Sure, I've had two dreams where I've dreamt that I've passed the exam. Though that may seem like a good dream, it was filled with anxiety because if I pass this exam, then I have to do the Oral Practical... which is just as scary, if not more. So I for now I've been quite happy not knowing. It's almost been like I've finished my boards because there's nothing I can do to change what's on that scan tron sheet and... actually studying for the OP has been interesting.
I've found that studying for the OP is like admitting that I've passed the written, which kind of seemed like I might be setting myself up for deception if they call to tell me I haven't passed. It's been strange.
I'm working today, so I won't be able to be sitting next to my phone the entire time... if I miss the call then I might not know until tomorrow... *sigh* bah! This is so strange.
All of yesterday I've had friends and family say that they know I did well. I appreciate that they believe in me, however what if I don't do well? What if I don't pass? Then what. They've all joked that they then couldn't be friends with me... but it still gives me a bit of an uneasy feeling (and yes, I know they're only joking but still).
This morning I got two huge hugs from Mom and Dad. Darla knocked on the bathroom door before she left for work and yelled through the door that she loved me and that I should let her know as soon as I know. I'm lucky to have such support :) But still, I find myself holding my breath...

Board Exams Part I

Done and done! The day before, Maja came over and we read over our notes again. Both of us managed to fall asleep on our notes so I think our brains were as full as we could get them (at the last minute anyways). After an alright night's sleep (filled with tossing and turning and dreaming of surfing) the day was here. I woke up with a mixture of emotions. I was hungry, nervous, tired and excited... kind of an awkward combination. Soon after the adrenaline must have kicked in because I felt alright and was ready to tackle the exam. Maja and I made our way to the hotel where the exam was taking place. We didn't talk to one an other but instead listened to our music. Eye of the tiger, Anthem, Float on, Electric feel and a mix of other upbeat songs nearly had me dancing on the skytrain on my way there. I was pumped, ready to do my best with this exam.
The buzz in the lobby was a nervous one. Maja and I spent a couple minutes there then returned outside so be away from all that nervous energy. Strangely enough all the people from UA weren't sitting there with their books open but almost everyone else (there were probably 200 people) was. I met up with a coworker who's also writing the exam and she casually mentioned that she felt she should review Bunnsomething something. Apparently this was something that was very important and that when she went to school, they stressed it heavily (something to do with stages after a stroke). I chuckled and told her that it can't be that important because we never learnt that.
By 9:15 (after signing in and sitting in a room buzzing with energy) it was time to start the two morning exams. Juriceprudence and Clinical Sciences were it. I started with Juriceprudence because I figured it would be the easiest out of the two. I kept calm and wrote myself a good luck note on my scrap paper that almost made me cry (something along the lines of believing in myself and that I am successful in life despite the outcome of this exam). I stayed focused on the exam and tried not to get ahead of myself. With Juriceprudence over, I started on Clinical Sciences. I chuckled and thought of my coworker when I looked a question that asked me about the Bunnsomething something. I educated guessed/eeenie meenie minee moed that one*... but I think that's the only one I did that to. By the end of the exam my tummy was rumbling and I went for a huge lunch at Capers. I felt alright, not worn out but rather excited to try myself at the Sciences exam (after lunch). I wanted to see how my last minute studying paid off. I was proud of myself for studying so much and so hard despite everything that happened.
By 2pm, we started the sciences exam. I tackled it, one question at a time. Some I knew and would circle confidently and others were a little more questionable. Once I got to the endocrine system I actually had to turn over my sheet of paper, rest my face in my hands and take a couple of deep breaths in and out. Stupid endocrine system. By the end of the exam, I felt as if my brain had just thrown up over and over again and when it was done throwing up, it dryheaved until it went into spasm. At least all the information was out but I felt exhausted.
I waited for Maja and we said we'd go for drinks, by the time we'd walked a couple of blocks, we decided we were too exhausted for drinks! We walked, mostly in silence, making a couple grunts or groans to express our tiredness to one an other. We parted ways and I slipped into a book store to buy some non massage related books to read while I was waiting for my facial to start.
Oh... the best part of my day... My facialisicous facial at Skoah! It was awesome. I am so glad I booked it! And a HUGE thanks to Heidi for the gift certificate (which she gave me after her wedding but I saved it for this moment... somethings are worth saving). After spending two and a half years learning about touch, I've become super picky about it. This has made massages and facials a little less enjoyable because I am always paying attention to things like quality of touch, depth of pressure and whether they feel like they know which structures they are working with. But I was darned impressed at Skoah. My esthetician knew what she was doing and I left there feeling relaxed. So relaxed that by the time I came home, I finished the tub of Haagen Dazs and went to bed (and was in bed by 9).
The board exams aren't as bad as they're cracked up to be. They are just freaking exhausting. I'm giving myself two days of no studying then I am going to hit the books again so to be a little bit prepared for my oral practical. I won't ACTUALLY know whether I am going to do the oral practical until the 10th (that's when we get out written results back... if we pass, we do the OP, if we fail... then we don't). And for the famous question of 'how do you think you did?' My answer to that is: I will know on the 10th how I did.
* I found out that I educated guessed/eenie meenie minee moed that one correctly! Woo!

Study break

The weekend has already come and gone. With the blink of an eye I arrived in Winnipeg and left. I realized why my family is the best most awesome amazing family around. Here's a quick recap of the weekend.
5:20am: rise and shine... get ready to make my way to the airport!!!
7:05am: stepped off the skytrain and blinked back tears when I saw four single travelers swing their large backpack over their shoulders and walk towards the airport.
8:09am: my flight that was supposed to leave at 8 hasn't started to board yet and talk is that it won't leave for an other little while because they need to get a new plane.
9:13am: my flight leaves, I am not on it because I would have missed my connection in Calgary. I'm waiting for news to see when I can get into Winnipeg.
9:30am: I get news that I won't be in Winnipeg until 7:50pm... the wedding starts at 5. I am pretty freaking upset/devastated/angry and anything else you could imagine.
1:30pm: On the plane to Edmonton, when the engine fires up for take off I smile and think of all the wonderful times I've heard that noise and how it always takes me somewhere nice :)
7:50pm: Arrive in Winnipeg via Edmonton after an uneventful trip. I meet with Dielle and Seig who left the wedding to come and pick me up! Glad to see their smiling faces again!
8:40pm: Arrive at the transcona country club for Stephane and Dasha's wedding celebration! I am overwhelmed by the love that fills the room. Most, if not all of the Fiolas and the Fontaine are there... and we dance until the wee hours of the morning. Jacqueline mentions she's going to Asia and will have a month and a half alone. Dad surprises me with a cold, soggy Mrs. Mike's burger (without meat) at 1am and it's the most delicious thing I'd ever eaten!
Sunday am until mid afternoon: wake up and hang out with Remi (who's couch I crashed on at 3am) until Mom and Dad come by to pick me up for the Fontaine get together. There the majority of the Fontaine clan is there... Grand Maman, Grand Papa, Aunties, Uncles, Cousins, cousins wives/husbands/boyfriends/girlfriends and fiances (congrats Karine & Brian) and little cousins. Amazing breakfasts, jello eating competitions, jello food fight, water fight, volley ball, swimming in the pool and catching up with the amazing Fontaine's ensue.
Sunday afternoon to evening: time to leave the Fontaines, I don't want to go but the Fiola cousin get together at Remi's place is up next. Again, more great food (this time I got to play in the kitchen with my cousin Remi, Suzie and their friend), gin and tonic, awesome cousins to catch up with and just an all around great time. I realize how lucky I am to have these people in my life. All of them (even those I don't know very well) are truly amazing people. Jacqueline fills me in a little more about her Asia trip... I tell her I'll look into it. I smile at the thought of board exams being two days away and think of how grateful I am to have had such an amazing study break.
1:00am: fall asleep on Grand Maman and Grand Papa Fontaine's couch.
5:30am: rise and shine, time to get to the airport... I think I am still drunk... I smell like camp fire. chuckle at the thought of being thigh to thigh next to a stranger in this state.
7am: plane leaves... on time :)
7:40am Vancouver time: plane arrive 20 minutes early!!!
8:20: Get this! I am HOME!!! Thanks to the Canada line, coming home is quicker (and cheaper) by public transit is faster then a cab! Wow.

Today I've been recovering, napping more then I should. Yes, I have registered for a 20 day Laos, Northern Thailand and Cambodia trip and will most likely be staying an extra month and a half... and, if the piggy bank is still intact at that time, I'll book an extra 40 days in the Philippines :) Oh yeah... board exams are in less then 48 hours away. Ready or not, I am won't know until I actually get the results back. I hope I am because I am tired of studying and want to get on with my life!

Jumping Rivers

see... i envision this board exam like jumping a river. we've practiced our running and we've jumped over streams. now it's the true test... can we jump the raging river? worse comes to worse, we jump and fall in the river, we get carried down a ways, clamber back out and then try again. best case scenario, we make it over and continue on our way. no one said there's ever been anything wrong with getting your feet wet... plus, you never know where the current will take you and what's down stream

Our bodies...

Are pretty darn amazing! I'm enjoying all of the studying that I have been able to do unfortunately I don't think I'll be able to get it all in. What I would give for an extra week! Then again if I had an extra week, I am sure I'd want an other. I'll do what I can... and so far, what I am doing is pretty darn good. :)

Renewed hope for A&P

After a 5 hour review with Maja and a 1 hour nap, Kristin told me about Prof. Diamond. She's a professor at University of Berkley and she teaches A&P. She has a multitude of videos on youtube and they're of her lecturing different parts of A&P. For the past three hours I've been looking at the videos and calling out answers when I know them. Mom and Dad most likely think I am crazy... but then again... what else is new? So far I've found this to be a huge help and I actually look forward to watching more of the videos tomorrow morning. I think I'll be ready to tackle this board exam... but then again, feelings of readiness come and go. With one breath I can say I am ready and next thing I know, I rediscover a pile of information and I realize that I am not quite ready. I'm enjoying taking in all of this information. I feel like a giant sponge. Hopefully I am soaking up the right information and I'll be asked the questions that I know answers to (or that I can figure out) during the board exam. Now, it's bed time. Time to let the information settle and let my little neurons in my brain form new pathways.

Board Exams

So now with Europe canceled, what do I do with my board exams? Of course if I knew that I would be here from October to April I wouldn't be working 7 days a week and studying in my spare time. Instead Id be working 4 days a week and studying every day! Priorities shift. But I figured that I wouldn't need my registration because I would be in Europe until April and I deliberately booked my return ticket so that I would be back April 5th (in time to write my exam April 19th). So if I passed this September. Yay! If not, ah well.
Now... well Ill be here. Because the exam is in three parts I am studying really hard for both Jurisprudence and Clinical Sciences, leaving Anatomy and Physiology in the dust. I figure if I pass both of those in September then I can focus on passing the A&P portion and my OP in February. Sure I am still going to write the A&P portion and if I am smarter then I think... yippee! Unfortunately A&P and I are like oil and water. No matter how much sweet talking I do to it, we cant seem to come to an understanding. I need to coax it into my brain and then it stays... but it takes a lot of coaxing and a lot of time. It took me two weeks to cover and properly understand 4 chapters... when you have 22 chapters to cover... well you'll be moving at a snail pace... and right now I don't have time for snail pace. The part that I actually enjoy about A&P is that when I take the time to review it (or relearn it) I actually enjoy it, so I am ok with taking the time to go through it.
Luckily I enjoy working as a bodyworker, so an other couple of months doing so is no skin off my back. I am sure the school will raise their eyebrows if I fail but I think they'll be the only ones to care. I don't believe this reflects my ability as a therapist because I am sure I can pass the clinical portion and if I were to do the OP I could pass that too. Unfortunately the OP cant be done until I pass all of the written portions.
Ah well... it is what it is. Ill see how things go. Now... back to studying.

Europe Canceled...

for now anyways.

Ah, what a coincidence. Just as I typed this, Mom came upstairs and told Dad "well we have Florence booked". So my parents are going to Europe, but they always have been :) They are going with their friends Debbie and Geoff and Uncle Steve and Auntie Marcy.
I sent Cesare an e-mail and got no response. I also called the hostel and was told he wasn't there. Strange, usually he works at that time but what ever. By mid week I noticed that he had been on facebook, therefore most likely read the e-mail but still chose not to reply. Fair enough, there was my answer. I didn't have to wait until Saturday to cancel my flight and medical insurance and what ever else. So off I went to the travel centre to cancel everything. Once I spoke to the lady she told me it was 100% non refundable. Eff!!! That's a lot of money! I asked them if they were sure and choked back tears. Not because I was sad about Cesare but because I was now over $1000 poorer and I felt like a loser for jumping in blindly. I walked out of there, defeated. Those feelings soon changed from defeat to complete and utter frustration towards Cesare for not telling me that he didn't want me to come! After all, the day before I booked the ticket he called me while I was at the flight centre and I told him I was going to buy my ticket. Still, he said nothing! He also didn't say anything when I called him the day I bought my ticket. I went home, fuming. Determined to call the hostel to give him a piece of my mind. Once home, I called. Luckily he wasn't there. After fuming for a while. I calmed down and realize that I was pissed off at Cesare for nothing. Really it's not HIS fault that my ticket isn't refundable.
Later that day, I got a phone call from the travel agent saying that for the first time ever they were able to refund part of my ticket. Apparently my agent felt sorry for me so she decided to call the company anyways to see if they would cancel. Usually they don't but my agent and their representative have a good rapport and for a $175 processing fee and a $370 penalty I'll be able to get my refund... or part of it anyways. With my medical, I should be able to get most of it back... I think the penalty for that is only $25 or something like that.
So it was an expensive risk but I still believe that it was worth it. Did I learn anything... well other then boys are stupid... not really. I am still going to take risks, even if they may not seem totally logical to everyone. I believe that if you don't take risks in life you're not going to get very far. I'm a risk taker, so what if I get my heart smooshed along the way. If I've learnt anything over the past couple of years is that my heart heals (especially with the support and love of my friends and family) and life goes on.
So now instead of spending my 24th Birthday in Milan, I'll most likely be spending it somewhere warm with my friend Jenny. When I told her about all this, she said that we should go on an all inclusive for a week (or two) somewhere warm to celebrate my birthday. We're going to find the cheapest all inclusive and go. I am already looking forward to that (especially the warmth...). Maybe I should just move somewhere warm and then I won't always flee the cold.

...Cupid's shot was lost on us.

So I haven't been blogging or twittering (tweeting?) or really doing anything other then working, studying and working out. With Cesare and I's relationship going the way it was, I decided to pick up and other job (one with more steady hours/a predictable pay cheque) so that I could have more money in the piggy bank for when I went to St. Moritz, Switzerland. Our communications continued, nothing seemed to have changed. I worked 7 days a week, studying when I was on call or had time off. I'd hit the gym every other day and that would give me energy to tackle anything. Sure there never seemed to be enough hours in the day and I was a little bit stressed out but I was enjoying everything I was doing. I kept my eye on the prize and figured that no matter what happens, it's all worth it and I worked hard for it.
Because air fare prices were climbing, I decided to purchase my plane ticket! I did! :) I was so excited when I booked my flight arriving in Milan, October 23rd and returning April 5th. I couldn't contain my excitement so I called Cesare at the hostel (I avoided calling him because he's having fun in Hawaii, as long as he called me, I didn't feel the need to call him on the public hostel phone). When I told him, he was excited as well! We talked about what it would be like to live together even for a short while.
And that was our last conversation. Since then he hasn't returned any phone calls or e-mails (and he's still on facebook, updating his status so he's not dead or in the hospital... which is a good thing). Well that's strange! It's also good to know now instead of when I am at the Milan airport two days before my birthday and he doesn't show up. Yeah, that would suck. So, our last communication was on the 9th, we're the 16th now. I've sent him an e-mail asking him if he's had a change of heart, can't make it in September or if he just needs time to himself, to let me know. Still, nothing.
Personally I'm a big fan of communication whether it be good or bad, I think it's important to talk to one an other about things so for me this is a giant red flag... actually it's more like a red elephant with "this is a bad idea" written in French, English and Italian on him! But I'm a softie and I can't give up like that on something that seemed so good. So today I sent him an other e-mail telling him that I'd like to talk to him about this but if I don't hear from him I am going to cancel my ticket (I'm giving him until Saturday). We'll see if that sparks communication. If not... well no Europe for me this year.
Am I upset? Well, not as much as I was earlier this week. With my brother's wedding, I tried to get over it so that I wouldn't be mopey. I also have to be realistic and I can't claim that I really knew Cesare because really, we only spent 7 or so days together in paradise so... that can make anyone pretty freaking amazing. But I was (and maybe still am) willing to give this a go. Even if it doesn't work out and I end up in Switzerland, I am a big girl that doesn't like drama so I'd deal with it like an adult and we could remain friends. If that doesn't work, I am totally unopposed to coming home early. It could be an adventure... and I'm always up for an adventure.
But I am not going to hold my breath. I sent him some photos* via snail mail (all of which were similar to this one but different parts, and all with cloths on) with a simple note that said 'see you in September' and that didn't get a reaction... so if THAT doesn't get a reaction then I think there's my answer.
Ah well. It was fun while it lasted. Daydreaming about running away with a beautiful Italian man that's great in the sack was fun and it'll most likely continue, but I might just leave it as daydreaming. We'll see what the next few days bring.

*Photos taken by Christel Lanthier

Cupid is shooting arrows!

Everyone's falling in love, celebrating anniversaries, getting married or getting engaged! It's exciting and beautiful to see. I am very fortunate to be surrounded by so much love. My parents are a prime example of a loving relationship and we've also got good friends that are great loving role models as well.
My brother and Dasha got married yesterday and what a beautifully stunning wedding it was. It was perfect. I wouldn't have changed a thing! Oh and the wedding cake... it was perfect :) It was all great and wonderful and I am so glad that Dasha is joining our family. I am sure photos are going to start surfacing soon and I might post them (often times I say I will post things and I never do... this time I am covering my ass and saying 'might' just so that if I don't... it's ok :)).
I'm surrounded by love and couldn't be any luckier but...

Le Blues du Businessman

Test cake number 2 today... the flavor. Vanilla hazelnut cake with a chocolate hazelnut filling between the layers. It's been fun to make. Of course, while I am baking I am blasting the tunes. Today I am listening to old school Celine Dion. I grew up listening to Celine Dion and actually appreciate her music (I also know all the words so it's fun to belt out... to all my neighbors... sorry :) ). One of her songs 'le blues du businessman' remind me of life. I remember listening to it as a little girl and thinking that I never wanted to be like the businessman in this song. I've found the lyrics and translated them... I think it's a reminder to live life and live it like we want to live it. Or anyways that's what it is to me.

The blues of the businessman

I am successful in business
I am successful in love
I often change secretaries

I have my office in the top of a tower
From where I see the town upside down
From where I control my universe

I spent half of my live in the air
Between New York and Singapore
I always travel in first class

I have my second home
In all the Hilton's of the Earth
I can't accept the misery

I'm not happy, but I look like I am
I lost my sense of humor
Since I got my business sense

I succeeded and I am proud of it
In fact I only have one regret
It's not what I wanted to do

I wanted to be an artist
To be able to do my show
When the airplane touches the ground
In Rotterdame or Rio
I wanted to be a singer
To be able to shout who I am
I wanted to be an author
To be able to create my life
I wanted to be an actor
So I could always change my skin
And to find myself beautiful
On a big colour screen

I wanted to be an artist
So I could recreate my world
And live like a millionaire

I wanted to be an artist...
To talk about why I live.

Alright, so there's a reason why I am not a translator but you get the idea :) Filling is done! Time to work on the cake :)

But I am not anxious!!

So it would be really silly to have anxiety attacks when I am not anxious right? Well call me silly cuz I have had TWO anxiety attacks in the span of a week! Effff! The first one I just figured it was weird and it was just my body/mind reminding me what they were like... that they suck and it's a good thing I don't get them as often. But tonight, I woke up again... so spooked that I actually bolted to the kitchen (this is new... usually I just sit upright and look scared/possessed, hyperventilate a little then I realize what's happening and I can start taking care of myself). I must be quite scared if my reaction is to run. Especially that it's a feeling that comes from within me, therefore running is a little silly because, hey! it's following me. But anyways it's what I am doing now so I gotta deal with it. On the plus side, it has me that much closer to the washroom. Calming myself down includes (not necessarily in this specific order but this works best), having a drink of water, going to the washroom, listening to pretty music - usually Celtic, turning on the lights in my bedroom and staying awake. Falling asleep just triggers the feeling again... which sucks because already I'm buzzing with anxiousness. And I usually have to stay awake for 2 to 3 hours...
Judging by the deep blanket creases all over me, I must have been in one heck of a deep sleep. This sucks! I wanted to be well rested for tomorrow! 13 hours at folk fest in the hot sun is going to wear me out (or it did last year so I am getting ready). Plus, I'll be on call at work so I can't really afford to be tired. Oh well, I guess that's why there are naps in the sunshine.
Well instead of making this a painfully long and boring post, I am going to research why I am getting anxiety attacks. Just this week Mom said she heard that it could be a lack of protein... that COULD make sense because I am working out every other day for about two hours so my body probably needs more protein then it's getting (I didn't eat anything especially proteiney yesterday... so that could be why). I'll make sure to get some tofu sesame snacks to see if that helps. Also, before I fell asleep (and now actually) my right leg is all twitchy so there's got to be an insufficiency of something. Electrolytes?
Time to be that all annoying client that self diagnoses myself from Internet articles :) My nautropath will be proud when I see him Tuesday. Ha ha!

Folk Fest 2009!

Folk fest begins tonight!! I am so stoked! Vicki and her friend from back East won tickets through the Georgia Straight so they'll be joining (until 15 minutes ago, I thought I'd be going to to the festival on my own this year but I am SO glad that they won tickets!! No more studying in the sunshine for me! Ha!). Being work isn't overly busy, I didn't book it off. The venue is close enough that I will be able to enjoy folk fest while on call. Pretty awesome, I think so! Now I just wish I lived closer... Last year I remember being SO tired from spending all day in the sunshine and dancing that getting to Vicki's place was quite the feat (and she lives closer then I do!). We'll see about this year though maybe I won't be as tired.
Ok well I am off to go studying before I have to work and go to folk fest... so far so good. I did 5 hours straight of studying yesterday, applied at a whackload more places in Switzerland (I think I've run out of reputable resorts with Spas) and spent 2 hours at the gym. I'm back on track! Now I just have to keep it that way.

Quiet time...

Here I am again at the Irving Barber Study Hall at UBC. It was my home during most of my finals and I think it'll be my home for the next little while (at least until board exams). This morning it's the quietest that I've seen it. There are about 20 people (as opposed to 200) and it's SO quiet! I feel like if I were to shift on my couch it would make noise and bother people. I love it :) I've dragged myself here because... well for one I need to be closer to work in case I get called in and for two... less distractions.
I am getting quite frustrated with things. I got my 2nd 'thanks but no thanks' letter from Switzerland. The 2nd was just as polite as the 1st but it still sucks to receive them. I also have no clients today, which sucks because it's hard to make money when you don't have any clients. I'm ready to work but there's no work. Bah! Anyways I am keeping my phone close by. I guess this just reinforces how important it is to be an RMT (as they are busier then bodyworkers) so really it should be encouragement to study. But it's not. I am finding it hard to study. I just don't have the drive right now. I guess I am just a little too focused on Switzerland, which is and isn't a good thing. This is why I am at the study hall today. Hopefully a change of scene will help me get on track. I've promised myself that if I do two hours of studying then I can apply to two more places in Switzerland. Hopefully I'll be able to do two hours of studying and half an hour to an hour of applying places and then two hours of studying.... and continue like that until about 4 or 5ish then off to the gym to work out any frustrations (and tire my body our because there's nothing worse then going to bed, mind exhausted, but you're body is about to jump out of it's skin because you spent the majority of your day sitting on your ass, staring at a book).
Anyways, I better get to it!

Denied :(

I got my first "thanks but no thanks" e-mail from Switzerland. I applied at Badrutt's Palace as a massage therapist because lets face it... it's a stunning place. It most likely has very high standards for massage therapy so I'd be learning with leaps and bounds. Loving it too :) But last night after coming home from a wonderful night with the girls I got the e-mail.

"Dear Ms Fontaine

Thank you for your e-mail and for your interest in our hotel.

The Badrutt’s Palace Hotel is a seasonal opened alpine Resort Hotel. The hotel stays closed during the off-seasons in spring and autumn. The Youth Mobility Program requires a full time employment of at least 12 months to maximum 18 months and its combined with a special type of residence- and working permit so called Stagiaire permit. As a seasonal opened hotel we do not receive this type of permit from the Swiss foreigner police. Furthermore it’s our policy that all employees with regular Guest contact must be fluent in German, English and Italian.

We suggest you to contact City locations like hotels in Zürich, Geneva, Lucerne, etc

Thanks again for your interest and kind regards"

I wish all rejections were that polite. Luckily they got a couple of points wrong (unless I am confused, I will call the embassy to make sure I am not just doing this for nothing). From what I know, the Youth Mobility Program is usually for 12 months but there is no minimum and it can be extended to a maximum of 18 months (but you need to apply for the extension). I've never heard of a Stagiaire permit (and I looked ALL over the website) so will have to look into that... but I don't think it's necessary. I speak English and French so even if all the rest of the permit/visa stuff works out, I am shit out of luck when it comes to the languages. Oh well! I appreciate the e-mail and it's helped it make it a little bit more real for me.
It's a little fursterating on this end because that's the only e-mail I've recieved back. I've sent out my fair share of e-mails and will be running out of places to e-mail shortly. I figure it worse comes to worse, I can go for 90 days (which would have me there for my birthday, christmas and new years). The thing with that is that I would have to have enough money to do something like that. Which is fine. I am ready to work :) Unfortunately things are slow at work and I am lucky if I am getting one to two clients a day. I expected this so it doesn't come as a surprise. It's just frusterating when you want to work and there is no work. I've applied for a part time job so I can work monday, tuesday, wednesday. Eeefffffff!!! I want to find a money tree or something! Or a job in Switzerland because realistically, I want to work. I enjoy what I do so I want to massage. Oh well. Gotta keep positive.