I'm like the Canucks...

I'll have to try again next year to win the Stanley Cup*. That's a twisted way of saying. I failed my board exam.

All of my friends got their letters yesterday and they all passed!!! A great huge congrats to Pam and Maja who passed their board exams. Being I didn't get a letter yesterday, I knew the letter would arrive today. I was at work from 9:30 until 2:30 today so I sent a text message to my brother asking him to call me when he got home from class. I love my little bro to bits and I thought that it would be something special to share my success (I was pretty sure I'd passed... everyone else had) or my failure with him. By the time he was back home, it was past 2:30 and I was on the seawall with a warm cup of chai tea in my hand. The day was stunning! I decided to enjoy it and walk from work to the market via the seawall and enjoy this beautiful day. The sky was clear blue with a few whispy clouds, the air was crisp, the mountains were clear and from where I was walking I had a clear view of Stanley Park and downtown Vancouver both basking in the sunshine of this beautiful fall day. If I was home to read the letter and I passed, I'd just want to go outside. If I failed... being outside would be good for me because inside I'd probably hole up and mope.
So I was just past Kits beach when I called my brother back. We talked a bit while he opened the letter and then he read it out to me. I forget the actual wording but basically I am not eligible to register at this time because I was unsuccessful at the oral practical portion of the board exam. Oh well that's not quite what I was expecting! Steph and I talked a bit. I am sure I blabbered on but I didn't cry. I wasn't really upset. I was glad I did what I did and I was glad I could share this moment with my brother (even if it was over the phone). While we were talking, I thought to myself: 'has anything changed from when you first got on the phone?' The answer to that was no. The day was just as bright and beautiful. The mountains as clear and the leaves were still changing in the park. The smell of my chai tea still gave me a feeling of warmth despite the cold and I was happy to have such an awesome brother who would actually read out such a letter.
Yes. I did fail. However I was still where I was before and I was still happy. I wrapped up my conversation with my brother so I could text message the girls, call Mom, then Dad before my phone died (it had been beeping that it was low on battery all shift... so it didn't have much oomph left). I managed to get all the messages out. I got a surprised text from Darla and I told her I wasn't joking. A phone call from Pam and then my phone died. I called Mom from a payphone. I was glad my cellphone was dead. I didn't want to talk to anyone. The rest of my walk was in peace and it was beautiful. I had thoughts running though my head but none of dread or anything like that. I was more upset that I had to do the darn exam again.
By the time I arrived at the market, the music from the buskers coaxed board exam thoughts out of my head and all I could think of was how much I love being at the market. Corn stalks, pumpkins and fall decorations are already for sale and the lovely man playing guitar was smiling at me. I walk into the market and I see the beautiful flower arrangements. I promise to myself that I am going to buy myself flowers after I pick up the ingredients for tonight's dinner (Bohemian Rye Bread and Wild rice and cranberry soup... both made from scratch, by hand by me :) the perfect fall dinner).
Thoughts of board exams and my failing it weaved in an out of my head but really, I was all too happy to be at Granville market. Here I was, alone on such a beautiful day. I was surrounded by fresh ingredients, so many food possibilities! It's really quite exciting. I left the market with my loot and made my way home. I think the greatest disappointment of the day was no me failing my board exams but being half way home and realizing that I forgot to buy myself flowers!
Once home, I deliberately didn't check my phone. Marguerite called and said she was at my place :) We talked about my board exam a little but mostly we caught up. We cooked but she had to leave before the bread was ready (I just took it out of the oven at 11:30pm... apparently Bohemians had a lot of time on their hands because this takes a long time) and before the soup was done.
It was only after she left that I checked my voice mail and I had three messages. The first from Heidi made me cry. The second, from Annette, and the third from Margaret kept me crying. The huge outpouring of love was what really touched me. I am lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. So yes, I did fail my board exam but I get to try my luck again January 13th 2010. Hopefully I'll be more successful at passing my board examination then the Canucks are at winning the Stanley Cup.

*This comparison to the Canucks and the Stanley Cup stems from my phone call with Uncle Steve (in regards to me not passing). I liked the comparison even though it's not entirely accurate :)

Frusterated

It's just one of those days. I feel like Eeyore with an upset tummy and cramps. Normally I'm a patient person but today, while at work, there was this little yappy dog barking away and I daydreamed about throwing it into 4th ave rush hour traffic. I didn't. Nor would I ever. But still, the thought crossed my mind. I also only have pleasant customers and if they're not pleasant, at least they're not unpleasant but today all the grouchy people came in to the store. Maybe it's the weather because some of my friends have mentioned that they've felt the same way as well.
I kind of feel like I am heading in the wrong direction. I am working really hard at two jobs. One which I love and the other which is stressing me out and isn't paying much (which makes me wonder why I am letting it affect me... or even why I am still there). Every paycheque goes to paying down debt and contributing towards an upcoming trip. Now with the news of me moving out (most likely by mid month to beginning of next) that's added expenses. Birthdays are coming up soon (not complaining, just saying... plus I love treating those that I love and the Birthdays coming up happen to be that of my Mom's, Uncle Steve, Dad's, Brother and Auntie Marcy... yep... I love all of them :) to bits!) and next thing I know it'll be Christmas. If I pass my board examinations I'll have registration fees and insurance to buy... not to mention student loans have to start to be paid back soon. Anyways life is never short of expenses and I know that but it just seems like this trip might be a little silly. Maybe I should focus on settling a little here in Vancouver before I run off again. Maybe travel should wait. I can't possibly do everything!
The girls mentioned that we should all go to Whistler for Maja and I's birthday (we're born a year and a day apart) and though I think it's a great idea, I politely said no thanks because that's money I could be putting towards Asia. Though Asia will be awesome, I think I need to get my priorities straight. I realized this more so this weekend when we all went out and partied together. I think I should ground myself at the job I love and with the one that's not so hot... I should find something that will be a better fit.
I've also sacrificed my health so I could use that money for my trip. Which is stupid because now I am in pain and miserable because my body is all askew. With a body all askew, I'm a pretty useless therapist and I'd definitely be a miserable traveler.
So perhaps I should just stay here and ground myself. But then again part of me (and quite a big part at that) just wants to travel. Asia (or the rest of the world for that matter) isn't going anywhere. But then again, the opportunity of traveling with my cousin might not be there again. Maybe I should just go back to Hawaii.

Life's little questions

Why is it that when you're drunk, it's completely ok to make out with random guys and use 'i was drunk' as an excuse. But then when you're drunk, meet a guy, gradually sober up and then want to make out with him, it's not ok because then you're sober and 'i was drunk an hour ago' doesn't work as an excuse. And because now, you're sober and you no longer have the stones to just plant him one.

Just one of life's little questions.

*I haven't gotten my exam results back yet. Apparently they're going to be mailed this coming Wednesday or Thursday... so it's going to be a while still.

How is it fair

that my salsa dancing instructor (left) looks like this? Salsa classes start a week from today.

Waiting for the postman

Tomorrow's the day. Well I could get the letter in the mail tomorrow but knowing Canada Post I am sure I won't get it for a while. Apparently there's a week window (starting tomorrow, ending in a week from tomorrow) when we will get our results from our board exams. I'm a little nervous but I don't really know why.
For this exam I really hope I passed because I don't want to do the OP again. Though all the landmarks, muscles, scenarios, interview questions etc were fair, I don't feel it will ever be an accurate representation of how I am in practice. I'm working as a bodyworker now and I can tell you that if someone comes to see me with anterior compartment syndrome, I won't start sweating bullets and blabbering on like an idiot. Heck! I've already treated it in practice (or pre-practice, we're not allowed to do 'therapeutic work' so I 'relaxation massaged' their anterior compartment). It's just the pressure of having two stone faced examiners and one examiner that's testing your hands. That's a lot of pressure... and that's not something that we're really going to get in real life (the pressure I mean).
Yep, I know. The examiners are just doing they job and that's a ok by me. They actually do a fine job at it :) I was just nervous and I hope they take into account that I usually don't shake like leaf, sweat like I'm having a hot flash, that my voice doesn't quiver when I talk and that I am usually confident with my answers and explanations.
Well. Fingers crossed. Because waiting by the mailbox will only make me neurotic (and because it's my only day off for the next two weeks), tomorrow Pam, Marguerite and I are going to hike the Grouse Grind then go to Wreck beach :). If I do have to redo my OP, then... c'est la vie :) And la vie is pretty darn awesome!

Michelangelo... a VERY smart man!

Yes, this has me baffled too! So neat that the man was sneaky as well as talented!

Life after board exams

So I'm working two jobs. I am at Solarice 4 days a week and told the other place I work at that I want to work 3 days a week. For some reason the other place is only booking me 2 days a week but instead of complaining, I am taking that day. Because I work alone at this other place, it can get pretty darn boring. I've been reading a lot and I've been enjoying it quite a bit. Today was especially slow (I worked 3 hours and had two customers!)... so I finished half of my book. I was even inspired to write something
'Sitting at work, I hear the sound of gently falling rain. A sound that Vancouverites recognize as fall's return. My shop is empty. Passed bys rush past the open door, glancing at the storefront with a flash of contemplation crossing their face. They continue onward, keeping covered by their water proof shields. As the street light changes, it sends a new wave of noisy motorists, shattering the steady humm of the neighborhood. The sound of wheels on wet pavement bring a new feelings of comfort. Leaves, weighed down by the rain, can no longer hold onto their branches and fall to the ground. The wind blows them into the store. My next customer; Mother Nature.'
I used to do quite a bit of creative writing before I started massage school, however that stopped. It was nice to find a scrap of paper and scribble out my thoughts. I'm out of practice but I am sure I'll get back into the swing of it again.
After work, I went to the gym (yes, I am finally back! It's been tough returning) and managed to do an hour and fifteen on the treadmill, I tried out the stairmaster (new to the gym) and didn't really get it... but I gave it a fair go... 15 minutes, then my whole ab routine and some rowing (an other new machine). Rowing killed me. I loved it! Will have to get coached on proper rowing techniques though because I can see how this could be beneficial.
Now I ache, I am happy. I've got a pot of rice pudding bubbling on the stove and I am ready for bed. I'm just about ready to start tomorrow, a new week at Solarice. I could get used to this :)

Board Exam Results!

Last Thursday I got the phone call with the results of my written exam. I awaited by my phone patiently and was SO nervous! I was so jumpy that any sudden (and even not so sudden) noise would make me jump! Luckily I had a client (because I still had to work) and that actually calmed me down. I've been practicing leaving everything at the door when I go in with a client so that they don't take on which ever energy that I am feeling (that's not what they came for) so the true test was last Thursday. In the end, it worked out beautifully. Afterwards I met Jenny for lunch and I had a killer grilled cheese at the Naam. That's when my phone rang. I jumped, swallowed my half chewed piece of grilled cheese and answered my phone. When she told me I passed, I just about choked on my own saliva! I was awaiting a 'nice try but it wasn't quite good enough'. Within a couple of minutes the phone conversation was over and I had my OP time... 26 hours away from the phone call!
Thursday night Pam came over, we tried to study but I wasn't really into it. Friday I studied a little, here and there. Reviewing before I left home. By 3 I was sitting in the lobby of the hotel, waiting to start my OP. Here's how a massage therapy oral practical is laid out...
3:15 - Cheif examiner gets all 5 people to be examined from the lobby and brings us to a conference room where she tells us what our pathology is going to be. 'Anterior Compartment Syndrome' is all she said - and it's the condition our group had.
3:15-3:40 - individually we brainstorm about anterior compartment syndrome... my thought process went something like this 'ANTERIOR COMPARTMENT OF WHAT!!!' Luckily I calmed down and was able to think clearly.
3:40-4:55 - two straight faced examiners with clipboards examine your every move and word while an other examiner (the 'patient') examines things like touch and our hands. It's broken down as follows:
3:40-4:00 - four muscles are given, you are to palpate (fancy word for touch) it from origin to insertion, demonstrate to the examiners each of the muscles actions and then manual muscle test (activate the muscle and check it's strength) the muscle on both sides.
Then, four landmarks are given and you must identify them, palpate them and an examiner will check whether you're correct (the one you're feeling these landmarks on is also examining how precise you are).
4:00-4:10 - you have to perform an interview with the client to find out more about their condition, then you need to do two relevant special tests.
4:10-4:40 - You have 30 minutes to treat effectively and safely the condition you are given along with the information you found out during your interview.
4:40-4:55 - you have to give a remedial exercises in the following categories (one for each) hydrotherapy, strengthen, stretch, and two changes of activities of daily living (all to do with the case)
Then you're done, you're sweating like there's no tomorrow but your voice has finally stopped quivering. The times given are approximates because... time flies!
I walked to Burrard and 4th from Robson and something or other. Margaret and I went over our cases and talked about what we COULD have done (now that we were no longer nervous). By the time I sat on the bus, I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was go home and be with Mom and Dad. It was perfect. They were home, we had dinner, then I lay in my hammock while they sat on chairs on the deck and we talked until 10pm. Darla came home and we went for drinks. I'm lucky to be surrounded by those that I love.
I will get my results in 2 to 3 weeks from today... They come by mail so it may take a while. I hope I passed because even though it wasn't as bad as people say it was... it's still nerve wracking. And it's funny how part of your brain shuts off when you need to say things out loud.

Holding my breath

Well the day is the day. Today I find out whether I passed or failed the written portion of the board exam. Over the course of the past week I haven't been overly afraid of today. Sure, I've had two dreams where I've dreamt that I've passed the exam. Though that may seem like a good dream, it was filled with anxiety because if I pass this exam, then I have to do the Oral Practical... which is just as scary, if not more. So I for now I've been quite happy not knowing. It's almost been like I've finished my boards because there's nothing I can do to change what's on that scan tron sheet and... actually studying for the OP has been interesting.
I've found that studying for the OP is like admitting that I've passed the written, which kind of seemed like I might be setting myself up for deception if they call to tell me I haven't passed. It's been strange.
I'm working today, so I won't be able to be sitting next to my phone the entire time... if I miss the call then I might not know until tomorrow... *sigh* bah! This is so strange.
All of yesterday I've had friends and family say that they know I did well. I appreciate that they believe in me, however what if I don't do well? What if I don't pass? Then what. They've all joked that they then couldn't be friends with me... but it still gives me a bit of an uneasy feeling (and yes, I know they're only joking but still).
This morning I got two huge hugs from Mom and Dad. Darla knocked on the bathroom door before she left for work and yelled through the door that she loved me and that I should let her know as soon as I know. I'm lucky to have such support :) But still, I find myself holding my breath...

Board Exams Part I

Done and done! The day before, Maja came over and we read over our notes again. Both of us managed to fall asleep on our notes so I think our brains were as full as we could get them (at the last minute anyways). After an alright night's sleep (filled with tossing and turning and dreaming of surfing) the day was here. I woke up with a mixture of emotions. I was hungry, nervous, tired and excited... kind of an awkward combination. Soon after the adrenaline must have kicked in because I felt alright and was ready to tackle the exam. Maja and I made our way to the hotel where the exam was taking place. We didn't talk to one an other but instead listened to our music. Eye of the tiger, Anthem, Float on, Electric feel and a mix of other upbeat songs nearly had me dancing on the skytrain on my way there. I was pumped, ready to do my best with this exam.
The buzz in the lobby was a nervous one. Maja and I spent a couple minutes there then returned outside so be away from all that nervous energy. Strangely enough all the people from UA weren't sitting there with their books open but almost everyone else (there were probably 200 people) was. I met up with a coworker who's also writing the exam and she casually mentioned that she felt she should review Bunnsomething something. Apparently this was something that was very important and that when she went to school, they stressed it heavily (something to do with stages after a stroke). I chuckled and told her that it can't be that important because we never learnt that.
By 9:15 (after signing in and sitting in a room buzzing with energy) it was time to start the two morning exams. Juriceprudence and Clinical Sciences were it. I started with Juriceprudence because I figured it would be the easiest out of the two. I kept calm and wrote myself a good luck note on my scrap paper that almost made me cry (something along the lines of believing in myself and that I am successful in life despite the outcome of this exam). I stayed focused on the exam and tried not to get ahead of myself. With Juriceprudence over, I started on Clinical Sciences. I chuckled and thought of my coworker when I looked a question that asked me about the Bunnsomething something. I educated guessed/eeenie meenie minee moed that one*... but I think that's the only one I did that to. By the end of the exam my tummy was rumbling and I went for a huge lunch at Capers. I felt alright, not worn out but rather excited to try myself at the Sciences exam (after lunch). I wanted to see how my last minute studying paid off. I was proud of myself for studying so much and so hard despite everything that happened.
By 2pm, we started the sciences exam. I tackled it, one question at a time. Some I knew and would circle confidently and others were a little more questionable. Once I got to the endocrine system I actually had to turn over my sheet of paper, rest my face in my hands and take a couple of deep breaths in and out. Stupid endocrine system. By the end of the exam, I felt as if my brain had just thrown up over and over again and when it was done throwing up, it dryheaved until it went into spasm. At least all the information was out but I felt exhausted.
I waited for Maja and we said we'd go for drinks, by the time we'd walked a couple of blocks, we decided we were too exhausted for drinks! We walked, mostly in silence, making a couple grunts or groans to express our tiredness to one an other. We parted ways and I slipped into a book store to buy some non massage related books to read while I was waiting for my facial to start.
Oh... the best part of my day... My facialisicous facial at Skoah! It was awesome. I am so glad I booked it! And a HUGE thanks to Heidi for the gift certificate (which she gave me after her wedding but I saved it for this moment... somethings are worth saving). After spending two and a half years learning about touch, I've become super picky about it. This has made massages and facials a little less enjoyable because I am always paying attention to things like quality of touch, depth of pressure and whether they feel like they know which structures they are working with. But I was darned impressed at Skoah. My esthetician knew what she was doing and I left there feeling relaxed. So relaxed that by the time I came home, I finished the tub of Haagen Dazs and went to bed (and was in bed by 9).
The board exams aren't as bad as they're cracked up to be. They are just freaking exhausting. I'm giving myself two days of no studying then I am going to hit the books again so to be a little bit prepared for my oral practical. I won't ACTUALLY know whether I am going to do the oral practical until the 10th (that's when we get out written results back... if we pass, we do the OP, if we fail... then we don't). And for the famous question of 'how do you think you did?' My answer to that is: I will know on the 10th how I did.
* I found out that I educated guessed/eenie meenie minee moed that one correctly! Woo!