Want!

Oh and some food would be nice too.

RRRRRAAAAAAAAAWWWWWRRRR

Day 5 and I'm detoxing the bitch within me! Ok... well not really. But I am really freaking hungry! I am absent minded and slow. It's funny. To others!
I could even eat a giant piece of beef! A piece of beef so big that it's the size of a baby cow! Actually that's a bad idea. Baby cows are cute. And I don't really like beef. Actually it makes me nauseous. Not only that, I don't think it would fit in the juicer. FAWK I am hungry!

Great Lake Swimmers LIVE!

Yep! I just came home from seeing these guys live! What an awesome show! I love em even more now. They make beards sexy too... Rawr!

Yeah, they all had beads, except for the bassist. They also have a lady who's joined the group. It's definitely working for them!

I don't know if I'll be able to sleep now :) I am still quite stoked from the show.

Lettuce Juice

Not such a good idea actually...

So yesterday was day one of the cleanse. It took me about an hour to chop up all the fruit and veggies to make two liters of juice. My morning juice was orange, apple and ginger. My evening juice was carrot, lettuce and ginger. I think I may have over done it with the lettuce. It's pretty darn yucky! My friend Dawson just about threw up when he smelled it (it does smell worse then it tastes). I have some bok choy so I am going to try that today.
I am usually one that cannot function without breakfast. My body was feeling fine just until the point when I was walking out the door. Then it was like my body was telling me "Wait. Where are we going? We haven't had breakfast yet. No, don't keep walking out the door. Hey! Get yourself back in there and have some breakfast!" I had to chuckle :) I convinced myself that everything would be fine and kept going on my way to school.
By about noon I started to get a headache. I drank LOTS of water (about 5L in total over the course of the day) along with my 2L of juice. Once home, I took it easy. Studied pathology. Had more juice. Had a nice lavender mud bath then was in bed before 10pm with Johnny Cash lulling me to sleep.
Today is going to be a busy day. Because class doesn't start until 1, after I am finished studying, I am going to go tanning, then swimming (just to do some doggy paddling in the slow lane or something like that... I want to keep exercising despite the low food intake). I then have class and then clinical internship until 9pm. If I remember from last year day 2 and 3 were quite brutal so I am going to be pacing myself.

A spring cleaning... of the internal kind

So today is day one of my spring cleaning detox. I did this last year and I felt quite good after it despite finishing early. I think I've figured out the secret to lasting longer. Less fruits and veggies in a drink. I should probably stick to two or three kinds to prevent my drink tasting like compost. We'll see if that works :)
So what this detox entails is that I juice fruits and/or veggies and drink said juice at a two hour intervals so to not get hungry. Reading back on my last post I realized there was a phase 1 of this detox... which I completely forgot about. So I am going straight into the 2nd phase because I already bought a whackload of vegetables (if I laid them all out it would look like last years photo). Out of curiosity I weighed myself (which only happens once a year at about this time. Last year I weighed 146) and I now weigh 154. Woah damn! What have I done in the past year?! See this is why I don't weigh myself because then I worry about numbers instead of just focusing on the fact that I feel and look healthy. Luckily I forget numbers easily and will most likely forget this one :)
Time to go make my juice for the day!

Ssshhhhhhh!!!

Damn house! So loud! Ok so the basement is and that's where I study, sleep and basically live when I am not at school. My bro and his fiance are in the room next door studying and talking while listening to trance and now Mom has started to work out on the treadmill. Normally this wouldn't bother me too much except I am getting freaking fed up with studying so I need peace and quiet so that nothing is bothering me and so I have nothing to complain about.
It's getting frustrating! During the weekend I work, study and play a little and prepare myself for the exam that I have in professional development and my afternoon class (which varies, but always has an exam). Tuesday night I study for anatomy and physiology which I have on Wednesday with clinical rotations in the afternoon. At night, I study for the orthopedic treatment exam which is on Friday. Thursday clinical rotations with a little bit of studying and here I usually swim. Friday, orthopedic treatment exam followed by an afternoon of clinical rotation until 9pm. At some point and time I find time to study for systemic pathology and systemic treatment exams which are both on Saturday. By the end of all that it's time for the weekend and I get to do it all again the following week.
Yes, we have an exam in EVERY subject in every class on every day. Each exam ranges from 30 to 100 questions and is always on a different section. It's tough to study for one thing then just as you're getting into the groove, you write the exam, do not so good to alright on it and then you have to move on to an other subject.
Bah! Tonight I am frusterated! I want to vent and so I did. Now I am going to sleep and tomorrow I am going to wake disturbingly early so I can study what I didn't get to study tonight. At least it'll be quiet tomorrow morning. Yay silence.

A tiwist on an old desert

My Grand Maman used to make this recipe on the farm. It was easy and cheap because there were always milk and eggs and raisins and rice were inexpensive. It can also be done in a larger batch to feed a family of 11. I've completely changed the recipe but the rice and milk remain the same (must try with almond milk though!). There's actually no recipe for the rice pudding that I make because it's a dum dee dum (my dad's words for a recipe that I am making up as I go along). Here's my best shot at writing it out.

2 eggs at room temperature
1 cup brown rice
2 cups water
pinch of salt
2 cups milk
1 tsp cinnamon
itty bitty pinch nutmeg (freshly ground if possible)
1 tablespoon honey (or more to taste)
1/2 cup raisins (other dried fruit can be used... apples, cherries, prunes, apricots
1 tsp vanilla

Remove eggs from fridge and let them warm to room temperature.
Get a pot. A large one if you're an enthusiastic aka messy cook (like me) or a medium one if you're neat and tidy.
Measure out 1 cup of brown rice, 2 cups of water and a pinch of salt (Himalayan salt is wonderful in this. It's also better for you.)
Bring water, rice and salt to a boil then bring down to LOW heat. Let cook until all water is absorbed (size of pot makes a difference in cooking times so just keep an eye on it).
Once water is fully absorbed into brown rice, add 2 cups milk (and a glug of cream if you're making this for desert or want to make it fancier). Turn the heat up to the max.
Add a teaspoon of cinnamon (a heaping one if you like cinnamon) and a itty bitty pinch of nutmeg (freshly ground if you can) to your rice/milk mixture. Add a tablespoon of honey (the original recipe calls for plain white sugar so that works as well) and mix until honey is dissolved.
Cover and stay near your pot because if this boils over it's an epic mess! Once it's starts to boil, bring down to the lowest temperature. Simmer for about 15 to 20 minutes.
There will still be some liquid left but it will start to look thicker. If it is not yet at this stage, keep cookin'.
Remove from heat. Add 1/2 cup dried fruit and 1 tsp vanilla and stir.
In a separate bowl beat eggs until slightly fluffy (before soft peak stage). With the egg beater going, add a spoon full of pre-rice pudding to the egg mixture. Do this again a couple more times so that the egg mixture is warm. Fold in egg mixture to rest of rice pudding.
Enjoy warm or cold. Keeps refrigerated for up to a week.

I thought I'd post this here because... well I won't lose it now! And it's delicious! So anyone who would like to try this recipe, feel free. Feedback would be welcome.

Fake n Bake

Yep I am tanning again. No, this time it's not because I am going to Maui but because I think I've got a little bit of SAD (seasonal affective disorder). For the past couple of years I've managed to avoid it because I've often been in a tropical place by this time of year. Either that or I am looking forward to it. Last year I went to Maui especially late (end of May) but I decided to tan a bit before going on my vacation (this was completely unrelated to the possible SAD). Today was my 2nd go at it and I had to chuckle at the lizard at the front desk. I'll have to make sure I don't over do it. I really don't want to look like her (or any of the other frequent bakers). It's been quite helpful though. I've already noticed an improvement in my mood. :)

Sunlounger Ft. Zara - Lost

Forget the peace inside
You've given way to the gods of destruction
Full of desire
You feel afraid that there's nothing left

Oh oh, oh no
Oh oh, oh no

The ocean is dry
Do you feel hollow?
Nowhere to hide
And nothing to swallow

And when you can't recognize
Anything solid
Where do you turn?
When you can't buy it?

What can you believe in now
With no love to follow?
Now that you have lost yourself
Oh, can anything help you now?

Just let your fears go
You might find your way back home
Let your fears go
You might find that you're not lost

Just let your fears go
You might find your way back home
Let your fears go
You might find that you're not lost

What did you learn?
What was it worth?
What did you yearn for?
Everything's lost now

And not alone and not alone
And not alone and not alone
And not alone and not alone
And not alone and not alone

Just let your fears go
You might find your way back home
Let your fears go
You might find that you're not lost

Just let your fears go
You might find your way back home
Let your fears go
You might find that you're not lost

Welcome to the fish bowl

Today was our first day in the fish bowl! Now let me explain what the fish bowl is... it's a class room that no other class really wants. The following description may give you an idea as to why it is the least desired classroom in the entire school.
Our school is located on the 2nd floor of a building just a couple of streets away from the downtown east side (actually, I think we're still technically part of the downtown east side). Though the various characters that walk/stumble around are harmless, they still grace us with their presence. The 2nd floor is also where other facilities are located. Like the physiotherapy place, the optometrist, a day care and a place that assists immigrants who are new to Vancouver to help then with... well what ever they may need. Needless to say, the folk that walk our corridors can be very interesting.
The fish bowl is a relatively small classroom with floor to ceiling windows that face into the main hallway of the 2nd floor. This means that ANYONE can walk off the street and look right into our classroom. For someone like me, who has the attention span of a gnat, this can be particularly distracting. I am practicing my focus though! In yoga, they tell you to let thoughts/emotions come up, acknowledge them and then let them go. I've adopted this with the folk that walk by.
It's interesting though... some will stand at the window and watch us, like they're in a zoo and we're some strange, foreign animals. Others will stand there and read what the teacher is lecturing about. One weird dude kept walking by and winking at the girls. He'd smile and walk by and then he just gave up on being sneaky and stood there, while talking on his cell, staring at us and winking or smiling occasionally. Creepy! Anyways so we've adopted a buddy system when we have to leave class and weird stalker like people hang outside our classroom.
All in all though, I quite like the fish bowl. Our group has such an energy that we totally rock it! We even bought little fishy decals to stick on the window so it looks like we're on the inside of the fish bowl! :)

H is for hermit and that's good enough for me...

I've rediscovered a couch in my room! I've had it for several years now but never really used it (except to throw things on) until lately. Once my little cousins left, I cleaned my room and managed to clear it up quite nice. I now have space on my couch (it's all free except for a blanket). So I've been closing myself off from the rest of the house, happily cooped up in my room, reviewing and/or taking it easy. I love it. It's my space. It's quiet. It's warm (hooray for a space heater). The only problem is that Mom thinks I am mad at her or that I have some kind of attitude issue. Nope. I am just being a hermit and a happy hermit at that.
Over the past week, I also managed to let go of the boy. It was tough. He's a real sweetheart, however we're not at the same place in our lives. I want something solid. He wants something... well he doesn't want what I want. I'm used to being on and giving 100% when I am in a relationship... this past one required me to turn myself on and off and give... well not 100% (or if I did it was only occasionally). I gave it a try and learnt that it is not the type of relationship for me. I can't just turn off my emotions and turn them back on when it's convenient. So it took a while but I am on my own again. I have renewed strength because I am happy that I didn't just put up with it and let him string me along. It's easy to do when boys are handsome, charming and good in the sack.
So here I am, a happy hermit, in my room. Content with life yet stressed to bits because the end of school is near. I look forward to it but I am nervous for the finals. I am not nervous for boards because I know I will rock them. I just need more time to get this knowledge in my noodle. Things are clicking. Concepts are falling into place. I am just a bit of a slower learner then others but I am ok with that. That's just not how UA is structured. Oh well! 8 more weeks, 41 more days of school, 57 more sleeps and 318 more hours... not that I'm counting or anything like that :)

On accountability

Speaking of accountability and opportunities for learning from our mistakes... I got a real test in accountability and learning this week. I've been debating whether I should blog about this because it's embarrassing and I am still beating myself up over it.
For our last level, we've been working on a case study. Mine was bruxism (teeth grinding). I spent many hours researching prior to commencing treatment. I had come up with quite a clever list of questions for my case history and all kinds of different assessments that would incorporate the whole body so that I wouldn't be focused just on the TMJ joint. Instead of spending the hour and a half (like we were told to) on each treatment I would spent from 3 to 4 and a half. By the end I was exhausted but I was very interested in my case study and found that my hard work was showing in the treatments. I also created a very well put together chart. I charted EVERYTHING! I am also an epicly slow charter so it took me a long while to create such a thing.
Anyways, my case study is also a friend of mine. After last treatment we left together and I asked them to keep the chart in their bag (because it didn't fit in my purse). I figured because it was their chart there I was not breaching confidentiality. We stopped at their school and while they were taking care of a bit of schoolwork, I charted and went over the entire chart and formulated theories as to what was happening with said case.
Anyways, that was the last we saw of the chart. I gave it back to them to put in their bag and whether it was actually put in the bag or set aside or misplaced, I don't know. My case study knows that this chart is MIA, both of us are equally perplexed as to where it could have gone. I am choked because... I lost a freaking chart! I always told myself that I would be an ace at keeping files! I freaking lost it! Confidentiality breached and all.
Anyways, it's a learning experience. I've got to deal with it. The work can be reproduced, that's not that much trouble. It's more the fact that I lost a file with confidential information. *sigh* I am sure I am the only one making a big deal about this. Anyways the only person that is to blame for this is me cuz I should have taken better care of the file.

Update: Found the file. It was in friends bag :) Hopefully that was enough of a scare to have me learn my lesson.

Stacks and stacks of paper!!!

I've sorted through the majority of my school papers and organized them by class and I've put them in order. There was this one lonely pile that was a mix of EVERYTHING!!! Most pages didn't have a class name on them or a date or anything other then little scrawly bits that matter. This afternoon I took the time to sort through them and there wasn't much of any importance. I did find this:
5 Pillars of Success

1. Passion: love what you do. Everything you do, do it with passion. Be passionate about yourself.
2. Education
3. Accountable: A mistake is really an opportunity for learning.
4. Consistent
5. Advice

The little notes that I scribbles next to passion and accountability made me smile. Those are two things that I think are really important in my life.

I also found a list of goals. There isn't a time frame as to when I want them done by and reading them over I find that they still apply.

• Raise over $7 000 for the BC Cancer Foundation. (I've done this, and more!)
• Make some money selling my bracelets. (I've done this! Stopped doing it though because it took too much time)
• Work at a spa/clinic to start to pay off my student loans. (Working on it. Finding it funny that I was already thinking of paying off my student loans two terms into my schooling)
• Have a family where I am happy and look forward to waking up with them every morning. (This made my heart all warm and fuzzy. This is still one of my goals. I liked the way I worded this)
• Work with pregnant women and children (maybe their husbands too). (Again, still one of my goals. Had to chuckle that I put the husbands as an afterthought)

Ok time to finish sorting through the papers then work on taxes. See what a lovely day can do to you? Makes going through piles of paper, taxes and reviewing bearable.

Oh damn

This is why one should not procrastinate!
I've been glancing at my anatomy and physiology papers for the past week or so. I've been opening books, looking at words, taking books for walks with the good intention that I will study on the bus, in a cafe or elsewhere... but nothing. This mid term covers 7 chapters. All of which are review. Because of the sheer volume and such a short period of time to cover all of the material, I've been intimidated so when I look at what needs to be tackled, I do like any good student does. I put it away in the hopes that when I look at it next time it'll be less intimidating.
Now it's the night before the mid term and I haven't studied as much as I would have liked. I also just came to the realization that 50% of my notes for this exam are at school. Lesson learned? No. Not yet.

Surrender

After our mid term this morning, Heidi and I went for a swim because we had two hours between our morning and afternoon class. I hadn't been swimming in a while so it was nice to be back in the pool. This time I noticed a marked difference between my state of mind while swimming.
During my first couple of laps, my mind was like a race car, racing though all of the things that need to be done, can be done, must be done, should be done etc etc etc!
My mind then shifted to counting my strokes and timing my inhalation and exhalations with the strokes.
After a while, my mind was still. I wasn't even thinking about my breathing or my strokes, everything just worked. The sound of my heart beating and the water rushing past my ears soothes me and is the only thing that I notice.
I love it. Swimming is my meditation.

*Image obtained from google images

2 months

Exactly two months from today I will be finished my education at Utopia Academy!!!!! The actual celebration isn't for an other two months and 10 days :)

Guess what we found?!

When I came home from wedding dress shopping with Heidi, my little cousins ran to greet me. It's usually at this time that they tell me what kind of things they did during the day and what kind of treasures they found while I was out.
Katarina (the oldest one of the two little girls) pipes up all excited and says "Guess what we found today?!?!"
"I don't know. What did you find" I respond, with equal enthusiasm.
"Handcuffs!" she says. And here's where I would have loved to have a picture of the look on my face when she told me this. You see, her and the rest of the family is staying in my room where said handcuffs could be (but are hidden... or were hidden). I respond as cooly as possible and say something along the lines of "oh yeah, where did you find these handcuffs?"
While Katarina runs off she says "We found them in the dress up suitcase."
A little confused, I wait for her to return. She runs back with some dollar store handcuffs that must have been in the dress up suitcase and that I had completely forgotten about. This is about the time that I exhaled, glad that my little cousins wouldn't be seeking therapy when they get older because they found their older cousins handcuffs... Then again they could have been completely oblivious about the handcuffs but my family sure as heck wouldn't let me live that one down :)
The girls are gone now, the house is quiet, I have my room back. It's nice but I already miss them.

Childhood memories

For the majority of my childhood my bedroom was less then 5 feet away from the kitchen. Being the traditional French Canadian family that we are, most of our gatherings happen in the kitchen. I remember being a little girl and having to go to bed early when Mom and Dad had friends over. I remember laying in bed, listening to their chatter and laughter and eventually drifting off to dream land. It was a sound that was comforting to me and it still is.
I love hostels because of it. Because I go to bed early (even when traveling), I often fall asleep to the sound of strangers chattering away, singing or laughing. It always blends so wonderfully together and I find it so comforting. It's the perfect lullaby.
Tonight I was reminded of this because I am in bed and my parents, brother, uncle Ger, aunt Mireille and uncle Jeff are all upstairs, talking and laughing. I'm in bed, exhausted but happy. So tonight I fall asleep, to my perfect lullaby.

Measure twice, cut once.

Surgery is officially the only class which has made our entire class squirm! Also probably not the best class to have after lunch.
Already one of my fears/things that make me really uneasy is the thought of anything piercing the skin... never mind seeing anything like that in real life!
Sure we're only talking about it right now but Dr. J had everyone squirming when giving an example of first intention healing... this is when the baby has crowned (during delivery) and the nurse performs an episiotomy without telling the woman (which apparently is common practice in Asia).
Well at least now I won't ever forget what the first intention healing is!

*measure twice, cut once comes from a comment I made when one of my class mates asked if the doctors could measure the head of the baby and the vaginal opening to see if an episiotomy is needed.

Slugs and snails and puppy dog tails

My first day with my little cousins was awesome! We started our day at 4:45am! Bright and early :) The highlights of my day were:

• Finding a slug in the garden and watch it slug around the pic-nick table. In Winnipeg there aren't many slugs so the girls were captivated by this baby slug for quite a while.
• Katarina (who is not phased by bugs or worms ) picking up a big earth worm and muttering "Gross" under her breath when her fingers sank into its big mushy body.
• Katarina bringing Mireille and I daisies that she found in the grass and then Sophia bringing us a handful of mud as a present :) It totally shows the personality of the two little girls.
• Sophia sitting in the middle of the living room, wearing a metal bucket over her head and singing to herself while her head was still inside the bucket.
• Once the two little girls were in bed, spending half an hour with Auntie Mireille and talking. We could have talked all night but we knew the girls would be up bright and early again this morning. They sure were. It started all over again at 4:45am :)

*photo of Katarina (blue) and Sophia (green) observing the baby slug.