A bite of reality

Since my break up with Justin, I've been looking at who I am and what I want from a relationship. This is never something easy but I think it's part of becoming a better and more well rounded person. I'm Queen of Commitment. I'm not afraid of long term relationships and would much rather be in one then be in a bunch of flings. However, what I've learned over the past month or so is that if the going gets tough... I get going. Or I stay, shut down and end up resenting it once we're actually broken up. Now this seems like a red flag... something worth working on. So I did. I am.
I decided to finally pick up (I bought it about a year ago and it's been sitting on my bookshelf in the "too girly to read" pile) the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I spent my morning cuddled up on the couch reading it, captivated by the resemblance of my life and hers (well our emotional states anyways... I am not going through a divorce but I am learning about myself and where I stand in a relationship).
The following is a part of the book that hit home for me. While reading it a lump formed in my throat and I started to feel slightly ashamed and embarrassed. It was me. A part of me that I never really wanted to admit, yet there it was in black and white, staring back at me.

"I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time - everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else."

The only differences here... replace dog with cat. And at the end of it, when I am exhausted and depleted, I shut down or I leave the relationship and replenish my energy stores with things I love to do (salsa dancing, yoga, cooking etc.).
Anyways that's more food for thought for me... and I thought it would be worth while sharing. So while I am completing my program at UA (11 weeks to go!!) I am also working on how to be a better person and balancing a new relationship of my own (nothing serious but it's good while it's lasting and I am learning a lot about myself in the process).
And on the plus side of all of this... I've decided that the next relationship that comes along (maybe not this one... unless we decide that it has long term potential... but for now it's got a specific end date... September) I am going to work on it and I am not going to run away scared. I am also going to be more of a balanced partner and less of a "here's all my love!" kind of partner. We'll see how that goes :)