I can't deny it...

It's tough knowing that Minette is leaving. Since we've found out that she's going to be put down this coming Wednesday, I've managed to stay strong and keep my head up. However, on Saturday, I found myself getting pouty over something that really wasn't a big deal. I quickly got over it. Sunday I was pretty down and it didn't really get better (even going to Ikea didn't help). Sure things kept me distracted but I soon became sad. I felt frustrated. I also felt bad for Justin. He's really understanding of what I am going through and he says that it's ok to feel down. I just also feel so bad that it's just the beginning of our relationship and I'm already sad.
I think I am just being too hard on myself. I often am when I am going through something like this. I don't want others to know so I hide it in my day to day life then cry or be sad when I am all alone. Lately there has been no alone time so it's crossed over into my not so alone time/alone time with Justin.
It's just hard. When I cuddle Minette, I bury my face in her fur an inhale her smell, enjoying it for the last couple of days. I think of the time she's been there to comfort me when I have been sad and that she won't be there for me to cuddle when she'll be put down. No more 6am "MEOW MEOW" wake up calls (even on weekends). No more purrs and distractions while I am studying. When I see her around the house, I try to justify her changes... I keep thinking that it's just cuz she's old that she's become more mewy, more poopy, pukey and what ever other bad habit that she's acquired. Sure, part of that is old age but it's also cuz she's sick. I wish I could be selfish and keep her alive for longer but that wouldn't be fair to her.
Wednesday is approaching with alarming speed. I am tentative to fall asleep at night because then I am a day closer. One thing has put me at ease... Mom and Dad have been awesome enough to pay to have Minette cremated. Stephane had the great idea of burying her ashes in her favorite stuffed animals (they have a little place in them to put cat nip... replace cat nip with cat ashes). We would bury the little stuffed animals in the four corners of our property so that it would be like she is guarding our property. I think that would be a nice way to remember her. Better then throwing her ashes in the ocean... she never liked water anyways.