Back in the Kitchen

After having taken a break from my adventurous cooking sessions, I'm back. While cooking up a Vegetarian Lasagna this afternoon I pondered my absence in the kitchen. It's not to say that I wasn't cooking, I just didn't have the passion that I did a year or so ago. That, I think I will attribute it to this past year being the hardest I've been through for a while.
It all started with the letdown of not going to Europe, followed by an intense two weeks of studying, passing my written RMT exam, failing my oral practical, working at something I knew wasn't quite what I wanted to do in a place I didn't really want to work, getting into a relationship that was temporarily satisfying but ended up turning my world upside down and testing me like I'd never been tested before. I remember one of my friends chuckling and asking me if I needed to be taken care of. I paused and said yes. She laughed and told me I was being unreasonable. We're no longer friends. I can't think of too many times when I've asked for someone to help me be strong. I always try to do it on my own. I may show weakness but I always insist on staying grounded, on my own.
I passed my board exams, lived with my ex, started my own business, worked at the spa and at a medical clinic. I was working seven days a week without the volume of clients I wanted. I worked my ass off trying to get clients, marketing, making my own website (with a little help from a friend) all of which exhausted me because all I wanted to do was work as an RMT and treat people.
With all this, I just wanted to escape, I wanted to travel, go somewhere and do something new. Be in control of some aspect of my life instead of living with the unknown of what daily life would bring (both at home and at work). I started hosting couch surfers from couchsurfing.org. Several travelers stayed at my place and each and every one of them brought something special into my life. I was able to travel vicariously through them and though I was often tempted to join them on their journey, I stayed grounded. One couch surfer was Kamil from Hawaii. Because he only had about 48 hours in Vancouver, I had to find a quick, easy and fun way to see the city. We rented bikes and cycled the seawall to Granville Island where we had lunch and lay in the grass under some trees. The combination of cycling, food and Kamil's easy going company made for an absolutely wonderful day. I hadn't been on a bike in several years and I was reminded what fun it could be.
By August my ex finally moved out. I got rid of my business thinking that it would be better to work full time at the medical clinic (which I love working at! The women there are amazing and the clients are the kind of people I want to treat). Letting go of my business, something I had worked so hard at, was difficult. Remembering the carefree feeling and freedom I felt when Kamil was here, I bought myself a bike. I was thinking that my world could collapse around me and everything and everyone could leave me but I'd still have my bike. I found a freedom riding my bike (named him Othello). My commute to and from work became a time for me to let go and feel life surround me and refuel me. I enjoyed watching my growth as a very very rookie rider who wobbled on her bike when she started up to someone who could ride in traffic with ease and confidence. My bike was great! It felt so right. Not a week after I had my bike, it was stolen.
By now I was epicly deflated. I still had more than a lot of people do but I felt like I was grasping for things blindly. I don't know what has changed but something has. And it's for the better. I'm finally feeling established at the clinic I work at. The feedback I am getting from clients is positive and we're seeing improvement. I still work at the spa but I've managed my schedule so that I am in and out. I actually enjoy the work there, especially because I have a new bike and cycle to and from work.
Now through all this, not all has been negative. My brother got married, I passed my board exams, went to Hawaii and Winnipeg. I learnt a lot about life, business and myself. I had the support of many friends and family. I realized how absolutely fantastic the people that surround me really are. I found strength within myself to tackle the Grouse Grind over 20 times. Sixteen of those times raising money for the BC Children's Hospital. I adopted Tugger from the BCSPCA. I moved out and made my apartment my own little heaven. I met Sean and have enjoyed spending time with him (though I'm quite gun shy... but maybe that's a good thing).
So to those people who have been in my life for the past year and a half while I slowly work things out, thank you. Whether I see you every day, once a week, once a month or whether we just crossed paths on our own journey. Thank you. Each and every one of you have brought a special something in my life. Whether you've given me strength, reminded me of a value I may have had but forgot about, taught me about the world, anything... what you brought into my life is immensely appreciated.

Now let the cooking begin!