On death and dying

"People who have lived fully are not usually afraid to die. Death is, after all, the natural end of life."

- Unknown

Today's topic in systemic treatment was palliative care. As an introduction to palliative care, Annette, our instructor, had us do a little bit of an exercise. She wrote on the board:

What do dying people need?

With that in mind, we had to say what we thought dying people needed. Everyone participated... drew from personal experiences and shared how they felt we, as therapists, could help those in the end stages of their life.
While we were coming up with the answer to that question, my eyes burnt, my throat was tight and tears threatened to escape my eyes. I could hear others sniffle. One of the girls looked quite red in the face but I didn't have the courage to see whether she was crying. We all sounded strong. We had to be. After all one day we might end up (quite unintentionally sometimes) working with someone who is living their last days.
Here's the list we came up with:

• Having friends and family close by.
• Faith/spirituality.
• Loved one to be taken care of.
• People not to be scared of them.
• Not caring what they look like.
• Celebrate life rather than mourning loss.
• Closure on accomplishments - meeting some of life's goals.
• Hearing about those they care for.
• Laughter and normalcy around them.
• Empathy vs. pity.
• Caring touch.
• Caring people.
• Help with pain.
• Really good food/wine/nutrition.
• Release from feelings/family (not holding back, permission to let go and slip away)
• Surrounded by positiveness.

Once satisfied with our list, Annette erased the word dying with living. The question now read:
What do living people need?
A smile crossed my face. I could see where she was going with this. We went though the list one by one and everything a dying person needs, a living person needs as well. It made me think of whether I am giving myself what I need in order to live and be happy... I think it's important to reflect on these things every once in a while.
This also reminded me of a conversation that I had with a guy who I was on a coffee date with. He had mentioned that he was working a lot and I had asked him if it was a busy time at work (his work has something to do with finances) and he said "My work is based on commission and I'm greedy." I was quite stunned by his answer, paused and said "Oh..." and he continued "Is something wrong with that? In my field there are people who have achieved high numbers and have high ranks. I want to be one of those guys one day." I then pretended to be interested in these high numbers and ranks and such, when really, all that was going thought my mind was "Will these numbers matter when you die? Would you rather achieve "greatness" at work or would you rather live a full and happy life." This wasn't a conversation I'd have with this guy... after all we'd just met and I didn't want to start to challenge his values.
"Will this matter when I die?" is often a question I ask myself when stressing out about things or doing things. "Is this helping me towards my goal?" is an other good question. I then relate the goal to whether it's realistic in creating my personal true happiness or is it just one to mask my feelings.
Anyways all of this is quite interesting and I could go on for longer but I have to study a bit before I head off to do some salsa dancing. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I will have enough energy to do it. Right now I feel like a giant spaghetti (but a very happy spaghetti).