Procrastinating...

So I find myself procrastinating this morning... I have so much to study that it scares me. So I don't study anything at all. I hate it. I am also feeling uneasy because last Thursday I sent a letter to my doctor asking for a release of information to my naturopaths for the Gyno tests that took place a month ago (I still didn't know the results). Friday she calls, leaves a message asking me to call back. Nothing I can do until Monday but feel nervous. Monday I realize that she probably got my letter and is calling about that. Last time, when tests came back positive I just spoke to the receptionist who had already booked a gyno appointment for me. So that's probably what it is. I feel reassured. I call Monday, get the receptionist. She will pass along the message. No call back Monday. Tuesday, nothing (well on my cell, which is the number I gave her). This morning, a note on the kitchen table: Message for Janelle - Gyno. FUCK! I just want to cry, to be held. I want this shit to be over with. I either have cancer or not. None of this fucking around in between.
Bah! I am not going to study, I am going to clear my head so that I can be productive tomorrow.

Update: Managed to reach the gyno... Bad news: "Changes" in my test result. They want to take more... this includes a biopsy... Ouch! Good news: It's not an emergency! June 3rd is when I get to go next. I feel better. Still mildly upset. I want this to be over with. On the plus side the receptionist at the gyno office is REALLY nice and quite reassuring which makes this whole adventure a little less scary. Still I booked in to see Liam (hair stylist) today for some pampering.