Going cross eyed...

Too much studying... I still don't particularly understand A&P but I've been trying my best. Ive been lugging around Big Red (my A&P textbook) everywhere I go... I've been studying and I think I've been studying too much. I've been quizzing myself and one of the questions was: In the absorptive stage of metabolism what is the hormone that initially starts working. I put glucose. stupid me glucose isn't even a hormone! Glucose is the simplest form of sugar. Oh well! Anyways I've just studied all the way through neuropathology class... which kinda sucks cuz next neuropath class we have a midquarter... luckily that's on Saturday and being my A&P mid term is tomorrow morning and I don't have class afterwards, I can catch up then. Oh boy! Now I can squeeze in a few more hours of studying before clinic at 6 then early to bed so I can be up early tomorrow am. The weekend was great, I'll blog about that later :) Going to work and studying hung over though is NOT something I want to do over again.

Perfect Birthday

Wow I'm still amazed as to what a wonderful birthday I had. It started at 1:30am when Minette woke me up because she left a little present in my room. A barf! Yay thanks hun :) Morning was low key, the whole family was there and mum reminisced about the morning I was born (I was born at 7:38am and was NOT a happy camper... I cried and cried).
On my way to school, there was a gorgeous sunrise and it was a beautiful morning... cold and crisp. I saw the moon set which was quite pretty as well. I had systemic pathology class in the morning... most people didn't remember my birthday at school but that's ok because I didn't make too big of a fuss about it because I don't like being fussed over.
I met Mum and Steph for lunch which was great. While I was in Oakridge mall, I figured I'd go see my old orthodontist because I am tired of my upper lingual brace. She was just leaving but was happy to see me so she decided to do a check up. Only the two receptionists, my brother, Dr. Mills and I were in the office, it was different. She took out the pics of when I first went to see her... October 31st 1994! I've had retainers & braces for 13 years! I've had this upper lingual brace for 6... so I think it's time for it to go and my teeth should stay in place. If they move it's $250 for an other lingual brace (but the high tech one, I have the old school version... technology!).
I decided to treat myself and I picked up two pairs of gloves and a scarf (still need wrist warmers...) from the Gap. What was the best part about this was that I had a gift certificate so it was free! Thanks Telus! I decided to take advantage of my Body Shop birthday discount and picked up a few things there.
Steph and I then walked home, packed up the penny collection and off to the bank I went. $35 in pennies! Then off to the post office to send Frank gloves (who lives in Hawaii where they don't sell gloves but he needs them for work), then to pick up Mum at work. We got back in time for hockey :) The Canucks won (3-2) against the Capitals and Pyatt (my fave Canuck) scored 2 out of the 3 goals!
We had dinner as a family... Mum made gyoza which were amazing! I hadn't had them in a year or so! Being it wasn't planned that I'd be home, there was no birthday cake or presents (we were supposed to celebrate on Sunday) so we went out for Gelato at La Cassa Gelato. They had 218 flavors ranging from wasabi to peach plum jasmine. There was even a curry flavor! Anyways I had lemon and black forest cake gelato. It was nontraditional and great.
I wanted to play cards once I got home but was too tired and being I am fighting off a cold I decided to go to bed. I didn't manage to study for my Neuropathology quiz but oh well. I've done the quiz already this morning and I got 9.5 out of 10. Yay!
Anyways I was really happy with my birthday! It was productive and I spent some time with my family. I got many phone calls from Grand Parents and friends wishing my a happy birthday. Today so far has been great, I'm looking forward to celebrating Maja's birthday this evening (after school and clinic). Tomorrow work and birthday cake, Monday work (though if I can get out of it, I will because I have a midterm in A&P on Wednesday that I really have to study A LOT for it) and celebrate my birthday with friends.

Where is the silence?

I think it's left the house. I just sat down to study and I am finding it way too loud. My dad's stomping around (because he stomps around and slams thing... in a gentle giant kind of way) listening to techno upstairs. There's no particular way to get away from this (in the house, I'd have to go to a coffee shop, sadly I have the attention span of a gnat and I easily get distracted by things and strangers).
It was nice to have all of today off... no work, no school, no clinic. I did all the exciting things that one usually does on their day off. Clean their bedroom, living room, study area, bathroom, do laundry, go to the gym then watch an hour of TV. Again tonight I am going to go to bed early. This extra sleep is doing me a world of good.
Lately I've found that I've been forgetting words. I don't think I've been hit on the head lately... but my sentences are making less and less sense. So is the flow of my writing (as some of you may have noticed). This has me a little bit concerned. It's been going on for some time but Dad actually mentioned something about it earlier this evening. Anyways it's something that I'll have to bring up next time I go to my naturopaths. Maybe it's just brain over load making me forget the simple things.
On the bright side, my brother and I have started working out together. I was able to do all of the exercises that the personal trainer put together for me. It'll be good to have someone to hit the gym with. Craig is often working or in Kelowna and Eric... well he hasn't been with me yet but I keep trying.
Tomorrow's my birthday and I have to keep reminding myself that. Earlier today, I was trying to remember "what that important thing was that I had to do tomorrow". Oh yeah! Enjoy myself. I have class in the morning, a few hours to kill (homework possibly) in the afternoon and then Darla and I are going to watch the game and chill out for a bit.

I guess I needed that.

Wow I feel so much better! I feel so good that I voluntarily stayed in Neuro Treatment 400 class to see what they were doing and take notes. Sure I don't have this class until next term but it was good to sit in. I feel content and this is a damn nice feeling to have... one that hasn't been around for a long time and I am glad it's back.

I almost hybernated!

Yesterday was a particularly uneventful day. I had my first class of pharmacology and second class of neuroanatomy. I think pharmacology will be interesting, however we're not focusing as much on natural medicines as I would have liked. Natural medicines are becoming more and more popular and I think it would be beneficial to learn about them. In my own time I guess.
Anyways for some reason I was unhappy... I am not too sure why but I found myself a little on the grouchy side. Possibly the lack of sleep, I don't know. Being I actually had to interact with people for more then 5 minutes, I decided that this was not acceptable and I was going to go home and have a nap. My nap turned into 13 hours of sleep... I must have really needed it. I feel refreshed this morning, however slightly nauseated, possibly because I missed dinner (Dad came down to tell me it was dinner time, I told him to go away... Sorry Dad.). I guess I must have needed the sleep. At some point during the night it seemed like I had a fever. Then I felt like I was going to throw up... All this was probably just my body trying to tell me to stay in bed.
I had awesome dreams though. I dreamt that my cousin Nadine and I went to this fair and they had elephant races. Yeah elephant races... anyways Nadine and I were the people on the elephants racing them. It turns out that my elephant liked to play with things so we didn't get too far. Nadine's elephant wouldn't do the obstacles in order so he was disqualified. After the elephant race, Darla, Maja and Eric showed up and lined up for roller coasters. As soon as it was our turn to ride, we'd leave and talk about how fun that line up was and how it was better then the other line ups we were in (could this be a reflection as to how boring my life has become).
Monday I had an appointment at the Naturopath's and my homework was to have at least 30 minutes of fun a day. So it turns out I am not having fun these days. I hadn't really thought about it but I guess it's true. I thought going to the gym was fun, but they say it doesn't count. "Do something that leaves you laughing and happy inside." First thing I thought of was sex but that's out of the question.... then I had a bit of trouble thinking of what I thought was fun. I like swimming, but it doesn't leave me laughing. Salsa dancing as well... at least there I'm smiling when I'm done. Yoga, going for walks, taking pictures. Frank suggested that I go for a walk and take pictures...
Anyways I'll figure something out. Now it's time to get ready for school... It's the last class of A&P before the final, we have 20 pages of biochem to do still and some review... it's beyond me how we're going to do it but I am going in with an open mind (and a rested one too).

Nuttin' new...

Feelin' the same as my last blog post... really can't shake this one. Otherwise nothing new, work work work school school school.
It was cool today I was decorating many cakes (8 hours worth... so lots of cakes) and there were a few customers watching me. There was this one couple that started cheering when I put the last strawberry on a fruit flan (those take a LONG time... and A LOT of patience). It was cute because they had watched me decorate a few cakes and they were my little cheer team. It made me smile.
There might be some interesting news on my project, but I don't know if I can share that with people yet.... Stay tuned ;)

WARNING: The following post contains sexual content.

When dealing with loss, there are five steps that one goes through. Denial, bargaining, anger, despair, acceptance. When breaking up with someone, those steps are quite similar but there are some changes. Here are the ones that I have experienced. Denial, cuddle with drawl, loneliness, acceptance, feelin' frisky. I'm now finding myself at the later stage. It's been two days and I haven't been able to shake the feeling (possibly because nothing has been done about it). One particular situation comes to mind and I wouldn't mind re-enacting this one.
On a day not much different from any other, I found myself feeling rather aroused (I was at home doing homework, this wasn't the trigger) so I text messaged my boyfriend at the time, who was at work: "I want to evoke such passion in you that will leave us both breathless." Needless to say, a text message like that did trigger a response in my partner and we agreed to meet right after he finished work. A few hours later, there was a knock at the door and as soon as that door swung open, we didn't say a word, we just kissed passionately for a few minutes and made our way to my room. He was gently pushed him onto my bed and then took off my sweatshirt to reveal one of my sexy corsets (oh and me too). Anyways I'll leave the rest out because you can imagine what happened after that. It was hot, passionate and really fucking sexy. And that's just about what I need right now. Bah! Anyways being I am not one for booty calls or friends with benefits so I am just going to go to bed with my anatomy and physiology book and try to figure out some more biochem stuff. Maybe that will keep my mind off certain urges and I'll be able to go to sleep.

"Forget Jim"

Just got a call from Grand Maman and Grand Papa and I was letting them know what I was up in the life of Janelle. It's always good to hear from them. I was telling them about how I am now going to the gym and how I am rather sore and my Grand Papa said "Forget Jim, go see George, he might be gentler." Ah I love my Grand Papa :)

Splish splashin' around

Today was one heck of a rainy day! So out I went with my wonderful boots and polka dotted umbrella to the gym. It had crossed my mind that I shouldn't go because my legs are sore but I went anyways. On my way there, I found it a great joy to be walking through puddles. Once at the gym, the lady who was going to give me my personal program was late by 45 minutes so I did some cardio and the work out the Craig had shown me yesterday (minus the squats). On my way home, I thought, if walking through puddles is fun... I wonder if it would still be fun to jump in a puddle. Initially I figured it would be silly, and I shouldn't but then I decided... fuck it. And here I was in front of my house jumping in the big puddle on our sidewalk, laughing out loud without much of a care. I then looked up at my neighbors house (he's usually sitting on the deck having a smoke or hacking his lungs out) and there he was, laughing at me. Oh well.
No wonder kids like jumping in puddles! I didn't care if people thought I was silly or uncool (I was the epidemy of uncool with my big hoody, work out leggings tucked into my rubber boots and my polka dotted umbrella). I was having a good time. I am glad I got these boots! I can see more walks in the rain (and jumping in puddles) in my future. I really want this camera so I can get rid of the POS that I own and take pics when I go on my walks. This way I can capture the beauty of the city I live in and add in a few visual tid bits of my life.
Otherwise today has been a good day filled with homework, birthday card making, financial/budget planning and gym. More homework tonight.

The gym hit back :(

yeah my upper body could have swam but the lower half is toast. A good toast though :) Craig taught me all these exercises to do... most of which are with free weights and my own weight (So I went to the gym and had really good intentions. I wanted to work out and then swim. Ummyay lunges) so I can do them at home. Tomorrow I'm going to head back and they're going to give me a "tour" of the gym and give me a personalized plan (though I like the one Craig's given me... I can't remember it all though). We'll see how that goes tomorrow. I think the swimming might have to wait a while... I am a bit weaker then I thought hee hee.

Time to hit the gym

I've decided that it's time to go to the gym. Not because I'm fat (which is the reason most people start going) but because I think I need to build up my strength so that I can be stronger and have more stability for when I massage. As a massage therapist, we need a lot of upper and lower body strength and it wasn't until the past few weeks that I started to notice a change (not for the better) in my biomechanics. Also getting into better physical shape will decrease my chances of injury.
I tend to analyze myself (why I make certain decisions, what may influence them etc.) so of course I analyzed why I wanted to start going to the gym. My first question to myself was. "Do you think your fat?" And I was happy to answer no. I am not too sure when this shift happened but I am happy with my body image. I seem to have learnt to love the thunder thighs, the big calves, the broad shoulders and the soft tummy. I guess I've come to the realization that this is only my shell and as long as my shell is healthy, it's a damn good one to be living in.
So tonight I hit the gym. I'm a bit intimidated because I don't particularly like the gym. I feel like someones watching me and being I'm not very strong, this makes me feel self conscious. Of course this probably isn't true, people are there to better them selves, not look at other people. I am probably just self conscious but it's a feeling I get none the less. This is why I've chosen a gym that has a pool. The pool is the carrot at the end of the stick. After my work out I'll go for a swim and swim until my limbs are numb (I love that feeling).
Maybe I should bring my muscle flash cards so I can review my OINKAs (Origin, Insertion, Nerve, Kinesiology & Artery) while I am working specific muscles. Anyways we'll see how it goes :)

Grand Pa Eric!

I'm currently watching Breakfast TV and there was a bit of a clip about the veterans wanting free parking downtown for the first week of November so they can hand out poppies for remembrance day. The city is not so sure about this because they will lose quite a bit of money. While they were talking about this, they were showing clips of veterans. They showed one clip of veterans sitting in their wheel chairs at a Remembrance Day memorial thing and there was Grand Pa Eric! It was a good 5 seconds of him in the middle of the frame, sitting there on our big screen TV. Anyways it hit me like a ton of bricks, but it was nice to get to see him again, even though it was just on TV.

I don't want to hear it!

I love my cat, and if it weren't for her right now I am not too sure I would know what to do. She's always there for a cuddle (even if she doesn't want to sometimes, she'll let me hug her for a bit then she'll squirm away) and she's a constant source of comfort. Since we found out she's been sick, we've been giving her anything she wants. She's been really happy and hasn't been too much trouble except for the fact that she's got the runs. Most of the time she can make it to the litter box but at least two to three times a week she can't make it.
After coming home from work today, I was in quite the good mood. While changing I found a present left behind by Miss Mew. Initially it was a bit frustrated that I had to clean an other poop (cuz I am the only one that cleans up after her even if it's others that find her presents) but then I thought... what's worse cleaning this smelly poop or not having a cat. The later was worse, so I cleaned the poop. While checking my e-mail afterwards my brother came downstairs and told me about how he was just watching TV and then he smelled something and realized the Minette made "an explosive smelly shit" in the living room. For some reason Dad decided to clean this one and when I went upstairs, he told me that we should probably discuss what we want to do about Minette being she's shitting everywhere. "Is it time to put her to sleep?" He said. Ok so today was a bad day, I don't think we should because she had a bad poop day! I don't know if I am being selfish or not reasonable.
Just now Dad came downstairs and asked me if I still needed the carpet cleaner and then sat down next to me and said "I am sure you've given some thought about how you want to remember Minette..." I started to cry and told him I didn't want to talk about it. I don't know what to think or do. I really don't think we need to put her down now. She's not suffering. Her butt might be a bit sore from all of the pooping but she's not suffering. I believe that when she's suffering, I think that would be a good time. But not now. I'll clean as many poops a day as she makes. I don't care.
Dad's a good guy... Minette's just my cat pooping in his house. So I can understand why he'd be a little bit more ready to get rid of her. Anyways hockey is in 40 minutes so hopefully that will stop the tears and change my ideas a bit. A hug would be nice.

A sign of the times

Yesterday was the October birthday celebrations. October, November and December are birthday months in our group of friends (well rather in my parents group of friend... but you know how it goes). So yesterday we were celebrating Mum, Uncle Steve & Geoff and I's birthday. Celebrations started at 1:30 where we'd go to the market as per usual and pick up the ingredients for the four (in this case because there are four birthday people) courses. This time my brother and I were working, so we missed this part. Being we were working late, we didn't get to our place until 8pm. It was neat to have my little bro pick me up from work though. We hardly made it through all the courses before we went to bed early (I had today, bright and early). Anyways it was different because normally my bro and I are always there and it's usually the adults that are at work and are in bed early.
It was frustrating because I really wanted to celebrate last night but I could not find an ounce of energy left inside me. I am sure everyone understood but still. I think my birthday will a really low key one this year. I happen to be going to school for 4 hours and then at work for 8 and a half on my birthday. I wanted to go to the Parade of Lost Souls for my birthday and dance in the street to the beat of some awesome drumming bands. But Maja's birthday is on the same day and she's my girl and the Parade and my birthday will be there next year. Instead I am not too sure what I am going to do. I want to get a bunch of people together for dinner and then live music at the Railway club... but then again will I have energy for that? Or will I just sit there, trying to stay awake? Or should I just go for dinner with Maggie and Maja and then live music at the Railway Club? Who knows? I think I'll play that one by ear.
Lately my days have consisted of either work or school. A little bit of crochet but I've realized that I won't be able to finish the blanket in time for when my Auntie Rose leaves (which was 3 hours ago). It is coming along really nicely though. On Thursday I went for a walk around Stanley Park and I even had the opportunity to grab Teako to walk with me. I brought along my camera and we had a great time. I miss that little bugger and he misses me too (after he sniffed my butt and recognized it was me). Thursday evening I worked at Aurora Center in BC women's hospital and I absolutely love working with those women! I am thinking that when I become and RMT, I am going to either work there or volunteer there (either through the school, or just to be there for the women). I am not too sure.
Wednesday I handed in my PD project. I wanted to blog about it because it's such a fantastic piece of work. It is also a very personal piece of work and that is why I haven't written about it. It was met with ooohhs and aahhhhs and even a few tears. I won't post any of my writings because they're too personal. Eric's photos however are worth blogging about. Ok so that's about all I have to say about them... I could go on about how I think they're great and super and how the whole process was one that was quite comforting and respectful but I won't, I'll just post the pics and you can be the judge.
There's the baby fair that's going to be on the 20th and 21st of October and I am going to go to that. Not because I am pregnant, but because I want to check out what's out there. I saw the the Doula Services Association will be there. Anyways I think it will be worth while checking out. Spa Utopia will be there too and I asked if I could volunteer. They said no because it would be unfair to only have one student there. I figure it's fair, this student is interested in that kinda stuff and took the initiative to put herself out there. But I guess we've got to keep the peace, so I understand. Anyways it's getting late and I have to work again tomorrow, so I am going to hit the hay.

Love and sex and loneliness, Take whats yours and leave the rest

Big Machine

Ecstasy is all you need
Living in the big machine
Oh, you're so vain
Now your world is way too fast
Nothings real and nothing lasts
And I'm aware

I'm in love but you don't care
Turn your anger into lust
I'm still here, but you don't trust at all
And I'll be waiting

Love and sex and loneliness
Take whats yours and leave the rest
So I'll survive
God, it's good to be alive

I'm torn in pieces
I'm blind waiting for
My heart is reeling
I'm blind and waiting for you

Still you love with all your sins
Where you stop and I begin
and I'll be waiting
Livin' like a house on fire
What you fear is your desire
It's hard to deal
I still love the way you feel

Now this angry little girl
Drownin in this petty world
And I'm who you run to
Swallow all your bitter pills
That's what makes you beautiful
You're all or not
I don't need what you ain't got

I'm blind and waiting for you (x2)

And I can't believe it's coming true
God, it's good to be alive
I'm still here waiting for you
And I can't believe it's coming true
I'm blind and waiting for you.

Goo Goo Dolls

I rediscovered my iPod on the bus on my way to school and this song was the only one that played before it ran out of batteries. Subsequently, I had this song stuck in my head all day. It's a good song and after it playing in my head over and over, I think it's a good little representation of my life right now (except for the waiting for you part... mind you that's most of the song...).
Today was a double batch of chocolate chip pecan cookies kinda day. As soon as I got home I made a huge batch of cookies and proceeded to eat about 1/4 of the dough (I know that is totally gross to some but damn it's SO good... I don't eat them cooked). Emotionally I feel a bit better. I had a good little cry when presenting my project to my teacher (she asked the question I'd been avoiding: How did you really feel when working with Eric?), so that felt good.
I was really looking forward to sitting in front of the TV, watching the Canucks kick the Philadelphia Flyer's butts all while yelling at the TV and crocheting (pressure is on, my aunt leaves on Sunday and I want to have my first baby blanket finished by then). But I was quite disappointed when I found out that it's a pay per view game. Too late to call people up to go to the bar. Then again the bar would be a bad idea with the headache I have. I went for a walk by the water without a scarf and my neck seized up (as it usually does... I should have known better). I've had a headache that has been getting progressively worse since Monday. You'd think that going to school for massage therapy would be a bit of a benefit in this situation... but nope. It's mid term / finals time (83% on yesterday's research & stats final) so every one's really busy.
Oh well I'll just take a warm bath, crochet and do something else tonight (studying A&P would be a good idea except I don't think I'd get much accomplished).

*Tear*

When you look at this, it's hard to understand.

- Jenn

Well that's an understatement!

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

So I'm sitting in A&P and I am getting rather frazzled! We're now in week 9 of A&P and we only have this class and two more classes before the final. During the first half of the class, we finished the chapter on the digestive system (50 pages) and now we have to burn through the chapter on metabolism (40 pages) in two and a half classes. The reason why I am stressing is that metabolism is all biochemistry. I've taken NO chemistry but some biology. Heck I don't even know what an atom is (ok well I do but... you know what I mean)! Luckily I am sitting at 90% and we just have the final to go (the final is worth 60% though).

Missing Cuddles

For the past few days I haven't been able to shake the feeling that I want to cuddle. I had this problem when Paul and I broke up. I went through cuddle with drawl. Now I am going through it again but worse. Not only do I miss cuddling, but I miss being cuddled. I miss just taking it easy with someone that you're ultra comfortable with and you know that you don't have to talk about anything because they are as much at ease in your presence as you are in theirs. You can just lay there and feel the rise and fall of their chest with every breath they take and all you seem to hear is the rhythmic (or sometimes not so) beating of their heart. I miss it. And I guess I could call up some of my friends and cuddle with them but it's just not the same. I miss it a lot and it's just not the same without you.

Welcome to the world Nathalie Marie-Rose Derocquigny!

A BIG congratulations to Chantal and Frank! Yesterday morning (at 4:30am... an other morning person!), they welcomed to the world a little baby girl named Nathalie Marie-Rose.


I have yet to figure out whether I'm an auntie or just a great cousin to my cousins kids.

Forget Maui, I'm going to Africa!

So lately I've been thinking about my next adventure. Where can I go to get away for a while and find myself again? Right now I feel quite balanced and happy but just in case things go topsy turvey again, I want a safety net.
Earlier this week, I had almost booked a trip for Maui from the 12th of May to the 23rd. This would be during the break between level 400 and 500. There was a seat sale for $389 (as opposed to $600-700). I kept trying to book my flight and for some reason it would work. Either the site would crash (it was down for 1/2 the day) or it would send me back to start. Finally after trying for quite a few hours. I decided that this must be the universe telling me that this might not be the right thing right now. I had mentioned this to my best friend Maggie and she was interested but had to look into one of her programs to see if she can get away during that time. She hasn't gotten back to me. So maybe Maui wasn't meant to be. Maui would have been the safe choice being I've been there twice in the past two years.
Ever since I met Donna a few months ago, I've been reading her blog - Life, the Universe and Donna. She's just come back from Africa and while she was there she did some volunteering with African Impact. I took a quick glimpse at the web site and some of the volunteering experiences that they offer have really peaked my interest. Ever since I came back from Australia, I've always wanted to go to Africa. While in Oz, I met some really fantastic people. A lot of people who'd travelled the world and most of them said that Africa was their favorite place. As my grad gift to myself, I am going to go travelling. It's been a toss up between New Zealand, Europe (buying a van and spending 3 months there) and Africa. I think Africa will be the one. I don't know where I'll be able to find the money to go (could cost up to 10k CDN) but I am ready to eat sandwich lunches for the next year and a half.

I've got compassion written all over me

That I do, and I can't take it off! Yesterday evening, Eric and I worked on the part of my project where we took the photos of the quotes on me. We ended up using a sharpie and a acrylic paint pen. It worked really well and I think we got the results that we wanted. Eric had the patience to write everything on me. That is what took the longest (about two and a half hours). I thought this whole thing was going to be awkward but I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't. I found it quite comfortable and was not particularly bothered by the fact that I was in my underwear for most of the writing. I think I may have been more confidant in the buff now then before, when we were together. I guess there wasn't any pressure of having to please him or anything like that. I am me, end of story. Also there wasn't as much sexual tension as I thought there may have been (this may have been due to the fact that Aunt Flow was visiting). Sure that didn't really stop me from wanting to have a heavy make out session with him afterwards... well actually I was good. I didn't act on it (that wasn't easy). Anyways all in all it went quite well. There was one hick up... ok two. The first one was Eric's camera decided to take a time out and not work. So we had to use my parents Kodak camera which is not at all the same quality as his. Also because of all the writing, Eric wasn't able to go see Transformers at Imax with his brother... oops. Sorry Joe.
This morning I've been trying to get the writing off me because I don't think it would be appropriate for work and the ink on my back (which was written in thicker pen) isn't flexible and it is uncomfortable when I move. So far no luck. I've tried an Epsom salt bath, followed by a salt exfoliation and then a loofah exfoliation and a lotion application. I am really soft and relaxed now but I am still written all over. Ah well. Such is life.

What is this?!

While eating my breakfast this morning, I was watching Much Music with my brother. Sure the music on there isn't really good but it's much better then anything else that is on TV in the morning. Then on came the song Bartender by T-Pain feat Akon... these lyrics had us laughing so hard. We couldn't believe it! I mean what is this?

Oooo she made us drinks, to drink
We drunk 'em, Got drunk
And then I think she thinks I'm cool
She gave me a wink, I winked back
And then I think that, we headed out something proper like...

Too funny!

Singing in the Rain

Well it was my heart doing the singing, not me. Today was my day to run errands and I had such a fantastic day. I managed to get everything done and then some! I even found Mum's birthday present (which is always quite a feat because Mum is someone that has everything and buying anything for her is virtually impossible). Because everything went so well, I had time to spare before I had to meet with a client. So instead of taking the bus, I walked in the rain and stopped at a little coffee shop for lunch. After I finished my lunch, I just sat there, watched the rain fall and people watched. It was great. I haven't taken the time to sit in a cafe and people watch since I was in Australia (which was 3 years ago). I forgot how wonderful it is to take the time to yourself. I have to say, initially it was hard to sit still but after a while, I didn't want to leave. I think I am going to have to do that a bit more often. I ended up being caught in the rain, but I really didn't care. I felt at ease and that was something that I haven't felt for quite a while.
I think this new found ease is due to all of the emotional work that I have been doing. Initially I was very caught up in working hard for my future. I wanted to set myself up in the best way that I could to have a family, a house, a business and all that stuff. The white picket fence all American dream kind of deal (not quite the all American dream but to some, that's how it may have seemed). It wasn't until I met Eric where I was really challenged. He marched to the beat of his own drum... for some people that's a bad thing. For me, it was something that I quite admired (well I came to admire it, initially I thought he was a bit strange... but I've come to appreciate different). I guess while I was with him I learnt and am still learning to let go, enjoy now, and the rest will fall into place. I no longer worry about the whole family and house thing. I still think about the business, but I'm not letting it consume me. I am a lot more interested in enjoying where I am in life right now. The things that I want will fall into place eventually.

Things you discover when doing emotional work

I set tonight aside to do some self reflection and emotional work. I took a break from writing and decided to do some unwinding with my body. It never ceases to amaze me how fascinating our body movement can be. While doing some unwinding, I found myself in a particular position.I know that I am rather flexible, but I think this may have been a combination of the unwinding and the emotional work which allowed me to unblock some of the negative energy within my body which possibly allowed me to go comfortably into a position like this... Interesting.

I miss you

I wanted a break from you, but I was so wrong. I realized that my life isn't as much fun without you in it. I hope we can get back together and take off where we left. I hope our relationship won't change.
I'm sorry I left, but sometimes our heads get fuzzy when we're in a relationship. I thought I didn't need you anymore to make me happy, but I was wrong.


Yep I quit salsa. Between going to school, having a job and a boyfriend, I didn't think I'd have time for Salsa. Fact is, I probably didn't. I've just realized though that I cut out what I enjoy to please others and that is not healthy or right. So I am going to start salsa classes again. So look for me back on the dance floor.

Honey lately I've been way down

Lately

That the sky could lift
That I'd find my place
That I'd see your face in the door
And the sun would glint
One a time well spent
On a time that ain't no more

Takes the broken hearts
In the vacant lots
To see the fruit that rots on the trees
Had to turn my head
Leave it all for dead
But it's in my mind always

Honey lately I've been way down
Load on my mind
Honey lately I've been way down
Load on my mind

Someone tell me where did it go
Darling I'm damned if I know
I seen that look in your eye
No one ever gave it a chance
I could have said in advance
You saw it all at a glance
And goodbye
Goodbye

Drag a salted kiss
From this cup of bliss
Watch a new lie twist on the breeze
You can paint it red
Leave it all for dead
But it's in my head always

Honey lately I've been way down
Load on my mind
Honey lately I've been way down
Load on my mind

Someone tell me where did it go
Darling I'm damned if I know
I seen that look in your eye
No one ever gave it a chance
I could have said in advance
You saw it all at a glance
And goodbye

- David Gray

It hurts, it aches, but in the end I think it'll be for the best. Eric and I are no longer together which sucks but it was an amicable split so remaining friends seems like quite the possibility (which is new for me because I haven't been friends with exes before). I am disappointed, but I am taking it better then I thought I would. I am disappointed because we didn't work on what was bothering us but rather just let it go. And that makes me feel like our relationship didn't mean as much for one person then it did for the other. But I still respect him and his feelings.