The Angels Riot

I can feel it in my heart and in my mind, there's a certain feeling of uneasiness. Things aren't settled, though I know this could be much worse. Yesterday I kept distracted. Today I did the same. I came to the conclusion that this must be part of something deeper. My 2nd thing on my do to list while in Hawaii... think of what kind of emotional problem I may be holding onto which could be causing this illness. This could be part of the picture...
I saw the naturopath today, he explained to me what was going on. Sure I could have opened the letter that the doctor sent me but I didn't have the courage. My cells were mildly atypical, they're now moderate this could be due to two things: the results may have been muddled because I'd started my period that day or some atypical cells grow and become worse. So keeping positive, I am going to go for an other PAP test before I go to Hawaii... keep the ball rolling that way. If that one comes back with moderately atypical cells then we go for the whole colposcopy shin dig. If not then it was just my silly little blood cells that decided to scare me.
Now here's what may be causing all of this... the pill. Stupid pill. Though it doesn't fuck with most people's bodies I am one of those exceptions to the rule. I got a whole package of fun side effects like high blood pressure, anxiety attacks, hypoglycemia, yeast infections (weekly... woo hoo!) and the newest addition to the list... these little atypical cells. There have been studies that show that women who are on the pill (especially strong ones like I was on. Diane 35) have a higher chance of getting atypical cells showing up on PAP test, which in turn creates a possibly higher chance of getting cervical cancer. Of course there was a plus side to the pill... no acne, bigger breasts and no babies. Fortunately most of the negative side effects have subsided. I've been off the pill for 11 months now. The only thing that lingers is the occasional yeast infection and these little atypical cells. Though this seems like a likely cause for my little friends, there's also the possibility that something happened around the time of grade 12 which may have affected me emotionally and I am still holding onto that event. I'm one that believes in energy and if we hold on to negative energy, it manifests itself into disease.
Yet more proof to myself: Yesterday night I started to feel stick. The negative emotions of he day made my insides negative which made me sick (in this case two negatives don't equal a positive). Once home, I though about the whole situation, dealt with as much as I could bear and then went to sleep. This morning I woke feeling much better (yet still uneasy).
Emotional or not I am going to deal and conquer this. Along with the combination of immune support therapy that I've been given by my naturopath, I've picked up aromatherapy to support my immune system and one for my emotional well being. My hormones might still be wonky so I have picked up some aromatherapy for that too. I also stopped by Chapters and bought the following books:
The Code: 10 intentions for a better world
Holistic detox: for body, mind and spirit
Eat, Pray, Love (may people have read this and enjoyed it... it'll probably be good to read on the beach between playing in the waves)
Gorgeously Green: 8 simple steps to an earth-friendly life. "I love to shop, I love to cook, I love to feel that I have done one thing a day to educate myself and my children in making the world a better, stronger place to live in."
Damn I am such a hippy/tree hugger! A year ago you'd talk to me about energy, aromatherapy, holistic this that and the other and I would have listened intently but I'd be skeptical... though I am still slightly skeptical I think quite a lot of this stuff has some merit. Heck I even found myself looking for books on Buddhism. I stood there for a while in the religion section and wondered why I was there. My whole life I believed that there was no God, that I was in charge of my own destiny... maybe there was the universe but the universe isn't a God (well not in the traditional sense anyways). But now with all of this, I find myself searching for something stable, something I can go to. I decided to sleep on it, after all, I will always have myself and the earth to ground me, that should be enough.
Ok enough hippy talk, I am off to run in a field of daises and sing kumbaya.