Be gentle with yourself

What a day! I was going to take the day off because last night was such a rough one (falling back asleep was no easy task and when I did, it was filled with nightmares and tossing and turning). I contemplated not going to school and just resting but I couldn't afford to lose 2% per class plus miss a quiz in A&P. So I went. I was quite pleased to see that it was raining out. Actually it was more like a down pour. I love it when it rains... I don't like pointless rain that you kinda have to cover up but not really... Anyways so I dressed in my finest taiga jacket and busted out my umbrella and headed off for school.
Because I felt overwhelmed and wasn't quite ready to be at school as fast as public transit could have gotten me there, I got off at Broadway and Main and walked to school in the rain. It was so nice to just take time for myself. Sure it was as simple as walking in the rain but it made my morning. By the time I got to school I had a stupid grin on my face and was soaked from head to toe. (I took my camera with me and the pictures in this entry are from my walk.)
Neuroanatomy class was uneventful. I'm fortunate to have the teacher that we do because she's awesome. Despite her doing her best to make the subject interesting, I still crashed and had NO energy. I also found out that we had a class rep meeting during lunch hour. It was supposed to last 20 minutes but it lasted all lunch hour.
I went straight to class after lunch and my teacher gave me 5 to eat and regroup. Then we did the quiz and I ended up getting 4/10. I was not impressed but I knew I wasn't feeling up to par so I wasn't overly surprised. I was just going through the paces in order to get me 2% for being there. After the quiz, we started chapter 23: the respiratory system. I had hardly written down 10 words when I started to cry. I left the class and then just broke down in an other classroom. I think I am tired of running on empty. My teacher came out to see if everything was ok and I just told her that I was burnt out and tired of pushing myself. She then told me that she wouldn't dock me 2% if I went home. I thanked her and told her I should go talk to the Dean. We are still sorting out what to do with my future at the school.
The only thing that was holding me back was that I wanted (and still want to) graduate with Maja, Pam and Darla. I love those girls and they are the reasons that I get up in the morning and drag my ass to school.
Now I figure if I make any changes, I'll end up in the same class as Stephanie. She's our 6th musketeer. Then if any of the other girls go part time or take a term off, I'll be in the same class as them as well. As much as I'd love to stay with them, I really have to consider what is best for me. In 30 years from now, or even in 5, I won't have to live with them, but I'll have to live and deal with me.
This afternoon I've just taken it easy. I'm enjoying spending time to myself and cuddling with my kitty (she must know something is wrong cuz she's actually laying on me)... I think that is how I am going to spend the rest of my evening... reflect on what and where I am in life.