Sunday lonely Sunday

Well I was going to take today to help mum and dad renovate because I am tired of hammering and noise. But it seems like things are too complicated for little me because I wasn't asked to do anything. When I offered, they said dad hammered better then I did (no shit I havn't done it for 50 years... you have to start somewhere right?). Anyways so instead I mowed the lawn (enjoyed every second of it... I love the smell of freshly cut grass), did the laundry, cleaned my room and have spent the last 6 hours writing in my journal about my trip to Maui. I started in plenty of detail and now I regret it because I know that if I just finish up quickly, I'll be disappointed in myself later on in life when I go back to read it. "What happened between Shawn and I... why did I leave that part out..." Yep not gonna be doing that to myself.
It's odd not having anything to do with my Sundays.... usually I am doing something with Paul. Sundays were our days because we both had those days off. While I was working at ADT I had Saturdays off and Paul was working Saturdays. Then I started school and was going to school on Saturdays so Sundays remained our "us" days (Monday being his mountain biking day and my study day). So for the past year and a half I'd always had awesome Sundays. When things were rocky, I made sure to keep myself busy on Sundays... having midterms and finals helped a lot because those became my intense studying days. Now it's the beginning of a term and I am not so much tempted to have an intense study day... so I am rather lonely. I could call up friends but I might be in a grouchy mood. I have been lately and I know I shouldn't.
After returning Paul's keys, I kept a close eye on my cell phone, hoping to get a txt or something. But you know that always sets you up for disappointment... Of course I was disappointed because he didn't call or txt. I ended up asking him if he'd received the keys and he said "yes, thanks, I guess". That just made me angry! I am still frustrated that he won't take the time or have the balls to call me to tell me it's fucking over! I know he's got shit to deal with, but we all do. Then again why am I so dead set on having my heart crushed? It's pretty clear isn't it? Then again it's always easier getting over someone when they are jerk asses. Then you figured you're better off without them. Though I know this now (or I think I do anyways... I am still kinda working on that one) I still need to accept it. Anyways I told him to call me if he wanted to talk about it and of course, no phone call. I think that's an obvious enough hint. I just wish he'd have the decency of telling me that we're over, stop being a stupid girl and stop hoping that we'll get back together. Anyways so that's been on my mind, maybe I gotta get out and walk the sea wall... oh wait that is where Paul and I met and would walk the dog... DAMN reminders everywhere. Hmm looks like all signs point to "YOU'RE NOT OVER HIM!". Then again it's hard to just give up on a year and a half of wonderful times and memories.
There's plenty more fish in the sea... or so they say.