Vancouver in Bloom

The sun has been out for a good few days now and I can tell that it's lightened Vancouver's mood. This afternoon, Pam and I walked to Staples from our school and we sure enjoyed the beautiful weather. Vancouver is so beautiful in the sunshine! We walked past Burrard skytrain station and it was breathtaking. All of the trees were in bloom! It was a wonderful mish mash of cherry blossoms and other pretty white flowers. The green space was filled with business people having lunch and of all things, smiling. The people we walked past looked like they were in good spirits. This is really nice to see because the feeling hanging over our city has been a heavy one. Winter's over and we're all looking froward to brighter days.
As for me... exams are going well I guess. They won't tell us what we got on our A&P exam... possibly because everyone failed it. It sure wasn't an easy exam. Alot of people say it was the way the questions were worded... it was partially that, but it also was one of those exams where you really have to take the time. I think I burnt myself out studying for that exam... I havn't been able to study since then. I didn't study for my therapeutic exercises or for my manual skills finals. Right now I should be studying for my nutrition final... but I can prochrastinate a little longer.
I treated myself and went to get my hair cut today. There's something about getting my hair cut that always brightens my day. Possibly because Liam makes me look damn good. On my way home, I was thinking... I am really lucky to have a hair dresser like him where I don't really need to explain what I want, he just does it. He's got the knack for it. Anyways now I'm all pretty for Maui (not that I wasn't before... I just have a damn nice haircut :) ).
Well I best get studying for nutrition... the cat's here so she'll have to put up with my explaining to her how digestion of carbohydrates, lipids and proteins work. Among other things but our teacher stressed those points.

After Tonight

After tonight is tomorrow but it's also a damn good song from Justin Nozuka. I just got his CD and it hasn't left my CD player. Sure really I should be studying but I studied more then I should have for the A&P exam and I can't manage to fit one more thing in my brain today.
I couldn't sit through systemic orthopedic pathology so I went and studied for A&P for 3 hours before the exam. I studied through lunch and was ready at one but then our teacher was delayed (he always is... but he was delayed by an hour this time). I took the time to do some contrast arm baths to help my aching wrists and elbows (from writing so much and propping myself up while studying) and listened to Snow Patrol. I am sure this helped more then an hour's worth of studying. I brought myself down and was able to focus on the exam when I got it. 100 questions and an hour and a half later I was finished. I have NEVER spent that much time on an exam! I have mixed feelings with how I did... I am pretty sure I passed but whether I achieved my 90% I'll have to wait and see until tomorrow.
Tomorrow I have Manual Skills and Therapeutic Exercise written final... I feel pretty confidant about them, but I'll still wake up at 5am to get some review in.
Less then 5 days to Maui, I have to keep my mind on that. Slowly I am packing (well setting things aside) and this reminds me that I am almost there. Anyways sleep time now, I am knackered!

Sometimes life shits on you, sometimes it shines

Wow what a beautiful day! Anyways that is what it looked like from the basement window. I spent all day studying like a good little girl. I am aiming for 90% in tomorrow's A&P final! You know how you always have these well thought out study plans.... I had one of those. But it ended up taking MUCH longer then planned. I am currently working on what I should have started at around noon. Needless to say, I think I am going to pull an all nighter (these are a big deal for me because I usually can't stay up past 10pm).
At about 7pm Pam called me and mentionned that the person she massages offered her two nights accomodation at the Westin in Maui. One thing led to another and we're now going to spend our last two nights at the Westin in Maui! When I found out I was so excited that I jumped up and down and squeeed and giggled like an idiot. I was brought back to reality when I looked down at my cat... she was looking at me with a look that said "I am not amused, you're an idiot, get out of my room." I need this vacation more then ever!
This is a really nice surprise because as much as I like the hostel we're staying at, it's not close to the beach. I was really disapointed when I found out that there would be no early morning swims this trip. What I really enjoyed during my last two stays in Maui was waking up at 6am, making it down at the beach by 6:30 and taking a swim before anyone even contemplated going to the beach. I know you are all thinking "waking up at 6am while on vaccation!! Are you CRAZY?!?!". Well no, I am a morning person, for some, they may think that makes me crazy. But there's also a 3 hour time difference, and that makes it 9am Vancouver time. Plus when you're up that early you can see many more turtles (cuz no tourists have scared them off) and the first time I was there, I got to see a mum and baby whale jumping around in the water. So really it makes it worth it. Plus there's nothing better then a swim before breakfast on a nice sunny day.
Ok well now I should get to studying... I strongly doubt I'll be able to get the image of Maui out of my mind but I'll have to find a way. I should have images of Red blood cells and the systemic circulation and all that good cardiovascular crap.

Problem solved

After fiddling around with the darn thing for a hour and a half. My brother comes to check up on me and the printing process. He then has the super idea of using his pen drive... 15 seconds later... problem solved. It must have been some Mac vs PC issue... I am not too sure.
Anyways I am back to studying... now learning every artery in the body. Fun thing is that it's making sence :)

Renovations & Studying

Probably not the best combination. Mum and Dad started renovating the house last week and they have been ripping up flooring and hammering in this and that... it's quite the mess around here. Finals are here and as always I've left things a little bit at the last minute. By a little I mean a lot. I always assume that I can study for a class in no time at all... but then half the day goes by and I'm less then 1/4 done!
Anyways now I am stressing because my notes aren't printing (yep I should know better then to trust on technology... it ALWAYS fails when you need it). I try not to stress though because stressing doesn't achieve anything (except for anxiety).
I took it easy last night and went to my first ever Giants game... that was a lot of fun, except for the fact that we lost. I was there with Adam, Rish and Rish's son. Man what a cute kid! It was nice to hang out with Rish as well. I'd only met her for a short period of time. Was grouchy all night... this made the evening a little less enjoyable.
Well I'm still fiddling with the printer/computer combo hoping that something will materialize out of my efforts soon enough. I'll write when I take my next break or if I have anything interesting to say.

11 days to Maui

It's weird... Maui's in 11 days and the closer that gets the more I should start relaxing... but really it's the opposite... I guess it's because I have my finals the week before. I am really starting to freak about them! I can feel stupid anxiety attacks coming on and luckyly I've managed to suppress them. I am looking froward to going swimming on Saturday with Adam and Rish (and maybe Rish's little man) that will be my last social activity until I leave for Maui.
If Level 100 has taught me anything, is to control my anxiety attacks. Before I started this program, I would get them every once in a while in my sleep and I'd wake up freaking out (for those of you who've had them... you know what I am talking about). When mid terms of level 100 rolled around I was a wreck! Because I had never had them during they day, I didn't know what it felt like when they were coming on, so I couldn't stop them until it was too late. Them freak out attacks just zap your energy too and once you have one, they are easily set off afterwards (a cascade effect really...). I was able to find out how to deal with them and now I know what to do if I feel one come on (and I am awake)... Take myself out of the situation I am in - usually studying - and take deep diaphragmatic breaths until the feeling subsides.
Really, this program isn't for the weak... When I initially went into the program, people told me it was going to be hard. I thought they were full of shit and thought they were all feeble. Oh boy if I actually knew what it was like, I would NEVER have started this program. It's hard emotionally because it stresses you beyond anything. You lose people who you thought were your friends, and those who say close to you, you're lucky if you can see them once a month. Relationships... what relationship? A lot of people say that relationships suffer because of the stress and emotional fuckedness one goes through... I don't know if I'll attribute the fall through of my relationship to this program... but it's quite the coincidence.
Really it's changed me into someone I am not too fond of. I am always tired, I am not very interesting, I can't stay up late or else my body starts being an idiot and I get sick (actually it's just reminding me not to abuse it too much)... I've stopped drinking... You'd think one would start or increase their drinking but no. My body's the most tempermental thing now I can't do anything out of routine or else I get sick. It seems like I'm constantly teetering on the edge of being sick.
I have to keep it into perspective though, I'm 1/3 through the program - a realization that I came to yesterday... and really with every day I am getting closer to the end of this program. This also pushes me to study my little ass off because if I fail I have to do it again... Mind you, you can only study so much until your mind turns into something that resembles cat food...
Anyways it's time for me to sweet dream (maybe tonight I'll do more then just lay there admiring my ceiling... this has been the case for the past two nights... it's frustrating).

First Day of Spring

Today was the first day of spring and dispite the cool weather, the sunshine was out and vancouver shone in all it's beauty.
It's so nice to see the sunshine again. It's been gone for too long (that's what you get when you live in Vancouver)... On my way home from school I was actually happy to take the bus home. I sat there like a sunflower with my face turned up towards the sun and with closed eyes I just basked in the beauty of it all. For a while I forgot about the pain that I have been feeling inside and I almost forgot about the sore throat that showed up this morning. Of course that's the way it's got to be... exams are coming up and really all I need now is for things to go smoothly for two weeks (preferably 3... I don't want shit to hit the fan when I am in Maui either... but lets not ask for too much) but looks like someone has other plans.
Anyways it's 9 and I am already in bed... maybe an early night will be enough to scare this itchy throat.

2 weeks have gone by

Well this is how we left it... "you call me when you want, but please call me at least once every two weeks...." it's been two weeks and no phone call. He says he loves me and thinks that someday we'll be together... but actions speak louder then words hunny... No matter how much shit one's going through, a phone call never killed them. I think if ever we are to get back together he's gonna really have to show me that he wants to be with me.
All this time I'm sitting here and hurting and he's off doing what ever he does... I'm just about fed up... I feel very disrespected but it's so hard when you love someone. Sometimes that gets in the way and you take more abuse then you should. I know that as soon as he calls my tough front will go away and I'll turn into the feeblest kitten! It fucking sucks! I need to grow some balls...
Fuck this sucks, I just want to go hide until everything goes away... or at least until I go to Maui. Yeh fuck this shit I am not going to study anymore tonight I am going to bed.

All over the place

Well here we go, it's saturday again, almost the weekend and I have no idea where the week went. This week has been tiring and I don't know why. It's just one of those weeks where you wake up tired and by the time you get home from school, you're ready for bed. Things have been really confuffled too... there just seems to be a zillion things happening and jugeling all of them is near impossible.
Perhaps it's my body conserving energy for in a week from now. I am sure it remembers the abuse that I put it through during the finals of level 100. Oh well, I am sure I'll end up doing well. I am sitting pretty in most of my classes except for A&P and Systemic Orthopedic Pathology. I'll make sure to study for those ones cuz the finals are all worth 50% of the final mark!
Today's St. Patty's day and I'm looking forward to going out with the girls :) we're planning on heading over to the cambie after clinic and having dinner and a few drinks. I think it's going to be my first St. Patty's day without drinking (well other then when I was a kid). Anyways it'll be a good time.
Well time to toodle off and get ready for school... Therapeutic Exercises and Clinic today... sounds exhausting already.

Caught with my pants down

Well today was an OK day... I managed to swing an 100% on my Systemic Orthopedic Pathology quiz... and I also bought the shoes that I wanted (I'll post a pic when I figure out how to) and pants for clinic.
At afternoon break I went to get my lunch when I found out that someone ate it! Not only did they eat it but they took my tupperware! Anyways I was NOT impressed. I mean you'd think people would have grown up enough to know that stealing other people's food is not very nice.
Then this afternoon, I was on my way home piled high with stuff (binder, flowers - for my yoga teacher from mum & I, coffee mug & keys) and had my backpack hanging on one shoulder. As I was getting off the bus, my trusty belt decides to come undone... normally that's ok cuz my pants can hold on their own but today this was a problem... see form last spring I've lost enough weight so that my pants are a little on the loose side... and by a little, I mean fall off my ass a little. So here I was 1/2 way off the bus with my pants around my ankles no hands to pull them up and my pink little thong attracting gazes like a flashing red light. Eventually I was able to pull my pants up... Funny enough though, I wasn't embarrassed... I guess doing the Underwear Affair got me used to being in my panties in public... It was just shocking... and cold.
Well tonight I gotta study... I have an exam tomorrow and I don't think I can fly by the seat of my pants on this one... so I best hop to it...

Dream & A Good Day

No, I didn't dream that I had a good day... I actually did :) I can't remember when the last time was that I had a good day. I've had ok days and meh days but no good days... not since Paul and I broke up (or went on break...).
Funny enough though, it started with a really messed up dream that had me rather perplexed. I dreamt that I was pregnant with Paul's child and being things were/are rocky, we were debating what we should do with it. Being I was quite far along, abortion was not an option... it was more should we give it up for adoption or what... It was one of those dreams where you wake up and it seemed real. It took me a while to look around and look at myself to realize that it was just a dream and I wasn't pregnant. The relationship troubles however, are still real.
I think all of this stemmed from yesterday's conversation with Chera about how I was a porker when I came back from Australia and there was this one picture, a profile shot of me, and I looked rather pregnant. Paul also came up in our conversation... Chera couldn't believe that Paul and I weren't together... also mum mentionned him while I was making desert (which had nutmeg in it... mum said she had be putting cinnamon in it lately because Paul was sensitive to nutmeg...). So I guess while I was sweet dreaming, my mind put those two bits together and made a dream. Really now I don't mind it that much, because this is the only time I get to see Paul and even feel like I am with him. It freaking sucks being in this limbo. I wish I knew if we were together or not. But I understand that he needs time to figure things out and quite honestly, I am in NO rush to move on any time soon. It's not as if I am going to date other guys. Not only am I not interested because I just want to be with Paul, but starting a new relationship will just distract me from my studies (when really this should be my focus... only 18 more months left to go!).
So yeah the rest of my day was good... It was sunny so I am sure that was a great contributor. I managed to get my notes finished for Nutrition class 2 and for Systemic Orthopedic Pathology class 7 & 8 - it takes about an hour to 3 to study for each class... I also finished up my laundry and dusted. I decided to treat myself and see if I could find a beach dress for Maui. I did, along with a swim suit top and two tank tops. I found shoes that I like but decided to sleep on it and see if tomorrow I still want to get them... When you're broke, you REALLY have to think about everything you spend money on.
I ended up losing my wallet and realizing it only after I was at the skytrain station on my way to my Naturopath appointment. I ran like I'd never ran before and managed get my wallet from a girl that was comming out of the women's washroom. In the end I was late for my appointment and it was only 30 minutes long (which sucked cuz I know how frusterating it can be when people are late). Anyways I guess life has to keep me in check and a day can't go by when some shitty thing doesn't happen to me... but right now I don't really care. It was sunny today, I found a dress that I'd been looking for and I lost 3 pounds since last week... so it's a good day. Hopefully tomorrow will be just as good, if not better.

Uneventful

Well here we are, it's the weekend again and it's almost 6pm and I havn't started studying yet. Seems like there's a pattern here... Though today's only my first day of the weekend (I go to school saturdays but not on mondays) I havn't achieved much. This morning I went and tried this new Yoga place (Yoga in Daily Life) and I wasn't overly impressed. The majority of the course was spent laying on a matt (not mine it was the places' and it stank like feet) breathing and meditating. I've got too many ants in my pants to stay still for that long and ended the class exhausted.
It was nice though because I got to go with Chera and afterwards we went for a yummy breakfast at Locus... so all in all it was well worth it. It was good to catch up with Chera too. I hadn't talked to her since... probably before christmas.
I got home, had a nap, took over laundry (mum's sick... I told her to rest while I take care of laundry... she's now out with dad shopping for things to renovate the kitchen with... damn mothers never stay still! Even when they're sick... oh well love em anyways) and tidied up my room. I also made some morning glory muffins and healthied them up by putting less sugar - a cup less - and adding bran, nuts, raisins, carrots an other random goodies. The best part is, there's no oil or butter or margarine in these! It's apple sauce (how that works, I don't know but it tastes good and it's less fatty... yay!). I was tidying my desk (can't study at a cluttered work space) but I got side tracked and here I am now.
I've really got to bust ass though cuz this week I have 1 quiz and two mid quarter exams... it's not like last week which was 1 final, 1 mid term, 1 mid quarter and 1 quiz (I passed all of them except 1... I got 70% - 75% is a pass). I also really have to get going on my assignments too! BAH! I hate end of term! Well I best get to work cuz things won't get done on their own!

And poof it's gone...

For my grade 12 grad I got a beautiful opal ring from my Auntie Rose. Of course, today being the awesome day that it was (or not...) the dude upthere decided that I needed an other shit to fall on me, so while I was talking to my instructor, I looked at my hand only to notice that my ring was missing it's opal! Damn! I knew this might happen because opals are a soft rock and if you don't remove your rings while washing your hands or doing ANYTHING the rock will eventually fall out. Eventually was today :(
Anyways I am going to get it fixed when I am no longer a broke ass student... but I am gonna miss wearing it. Not only did it remind me of my auntie, but it was also the best for getting rid of guys at the bar. I go to bars or go out in general to have a good time, not to meet guys. So when there's a particular pesky bugger, I mention that I am engaged and I do the oh so typical glance at my hand. Most guys don't know that it's on the wrong hand... and most guys see something shiney and assume it's a diamond. And if he doesn't get it then, then I think I have permission to be an ass and tell him to fuck off... anyways all this to say I'll miss my ring.
Just writing about this cuz I don't want to write about how I am feeling and shit like that... plus I am sure you all can guess...

Represent

Sometimes you can't quite put into words how you feel... and sometimes you find a song that you really like and reflects how you feel... The following song is the one for me and I think is the official theme song of Paul and I's situation. Anyways that is all I am going to say about that! If I type any more it will be to vent and to put all of my frustration into four letter words!

"Waiting"

I wanna meet up with you
And show you what I'm thinking
I'll take you anywhere
That you wanna go
I'm sitting here bored and lonely and
You know that anytime you're free
To show me how you feel
We'll take it anywhere that you want to go
Anywhere that you wanna go

And I'd make it right if you wanted it
I want it back more than you know
I'd cross the line if you wanted it
I want you back

And I'm waiting for you
To get that feeling once again
Reunited in the end
And I've been waiting for you
To capture my imagination
Cuz I've been fooled by the illusions in my head
In my head

Now I realize I never had it so good
You took me anywhere I wanted to go
Now I'm sitting here dreaming of the days
When anytime I wanted I could show you how I feel
I can't go anywhere that I want to go
Anywhere that I want to go

And I'd make it right if you wanted it
I want it back more than you know
I'd cross the line if you wanted it
I want you back

And I'm waiting for you
To get that feeling once again
Reunited in the end
And I've been waiting for you
To capture my imagination
Cuz I've been fooled by the illusions in my head
In my head

I'll take it anywhere
I'll take it anywhere
I'll take it anywhere
I'll take you anywhere you wanna go

And I'd make it right if you wanted it
I want it back more than you know
I'd cross the line if you wanted it
I want you back

I'm waiting for you
To get that feeling once again
Reunited in the end
I've been waiting for you
To capture my imagination
Cuz I've been fooled by the illusions in my head

And I've been fooled by the illusions in my head
And I've been fooled by the illusions in my head

- TRAPT

I wish my boyfriend was this eager to get me to bed

Every night at 10:30pm, like clockwork, my cat will come find me in the house and mew and mew until I go to bed. If I don't go to bed by this time, she will mew and paw and get in my way until I do. I guess this is what happens when you always go to bed at the same time every night.

Wheezer

Wheezer, that's me :P with my cold it's given me a nasty cough which is causing me to wheeze... Kinda makes me laugh cuz it's a constant reminder of my neglecting myself lately.
On the up side, I managed to write that stupid essay on lifelong learning. Wasn't easy though! I never got into the swing of things and ended up writing a not as good as I would have liked essay. Oh well hopefully my presentation will make up for it. I was very impressed at my presentation skills (they were hidden deep down inside somewheres).
I've also raised more then 50% for the Underwear Affair :) I might even have to bump up my goal to $1 500. That would be cool :) Anyways if you havn't already done so (and even if you have) check out my personal page.
http://va07.uncoverthecure.org/site/TR?pg=personal&fr_id=1040&px=1008741
Otherwise there isn't much new to report. We celebrated Maggie's birthday yesterday and had a fabulous time! Section (3) is a really nice loungy/bar/restaurant type place with really good food! It was also kinda interesting to get to see everyone from highschool. Makes you realize that as much as you'd like to think that you've changed, you havn't. You just have more adventures under your belt. Speaking of adventures... 28 days to Maui :) Man I'm looking foreward to that trip :)
Anyways best get studying and best finish up my taxes (I am sure you can imagine how excited I am right now... my two favorite things... taxes and studying... in one oh so exciting night!)

Schoolies

Well I went to school today and it was rather uneventful. It was nice to see the girls again and it was good to be in class. I can already feel the stress of finals hanging over our class and they are still a month away.
I can't believe that we're almost a 1/3 finished our program! Well now that I've spent more then a second thinking about it, I can... I sure have learnt alot... and though time seems like it's flown by, it seems like it was ages ago that we last had finals. Woah yeah that does seeem like forever ago. Anyways enough getting lost in memories (or lack of... I havn't done much other then school between then and now).
So all in all, school was good, stil felt weak and coughing was worse then usual but I guess that's just my body trying to rid itself of this yuckyness. I'm starting to really look foreward to Maui :) Only 31 days left before I fly off to paradise for my week off with Pam & Maja... we're going to have SO much fun :) Anyways now I am going to head off to bed, work on my essay while curled up in my blankets and hopefully slip away into a good nights sleep (or I'll be too worked up to sleep and want to write my essay tonight... that HAS happened before).

Night