Smells like fall...

Wait it is fall! Hooray!
For the past week I've been noticing that the weather has been changing. The days are getting shorter and the morning and evenings have a certain crispness to them. While cleaning my study area I noticed that it smelt like fall (the window is open a little bit to let some fresh/cold air in), I mentioned this to Justin and he told me that today was the first day of fall. :) YAY!
I love fall! I can't wait to get out there and snap some photos of the pretty fall leaves. They can't seem to change colour fast enough this year.

Calcar

"Calcar it's one of those weird words like loofah and cul de sac. Why cul de sac? Why not round about or dead end with a circle?"

Annette, Systemic Treatment 400

I am cleaning my desk and found this quote on a random piece of paper. It still made me smile :) Gotta love random references in class!

I can't deny it...

It's tough knowing that Minette is leaving. Since we've found out that she's going to be put down this coming Wednesday, I've managed to stay strong and keep my head up. However, on Saturday, I found myself getting pouty over something that really wasn't a big deal. I quickly got over it. Sunday I was pretty down and it didn't really get better (even going to Ikea didn't help). Sure things kept me distracted but I soon became sad. I felt frustrated. I also felt bad for Justin. He's really understanding of what I am going through and he says that it's ok to feel down. I just also feel so bad that it's just the beginning of our relationship and I'm already sad.
I think I am just being too hard on myself. I often am when I am going through something like this. I don't want others to know so I hide it in my day to day life then cry or be sad when I am all alone. Lately there has been no alone time so it's crossed over into my not so alone time/alone time with Justin.
It's just hard. When I cuddle Minette, I bury my face in her fur an inhale her smell, enjoying it for the last couple of days. I think of the time she's been there to comfort me when I have been sad and that she won't be there for me to cuddle when she'll be put down. No more 6am "MEOW MEOW" wake up calls (even on weekends). No more purrs and distractions while I am studying. When I see her around the house, I try to justify her changes... I keep thinking that it's just cuz she's old that she's become more mewy, more poopy, pukey and what ever other bad habit that she's acquired. Sure, part of that is old age but it's also cuz she's sick. I wish I could be selfish and keep her alive for longer but that wouldn't be fair to her.
Wednesday is approaching with alarming speed. I am tentative to fall asleep at night because then I am a day closer. One thing has put me at ease... Mom and Dad have been awesome enough to pay to have Minette cremated. Stephane had the great idea of burying her ashes in her favorite stuffed animals (they have a little place in them to put cat nip... replace cat nip with cat ashes). We would bury the little stuffed animals in the four corners of our property so that it would be like she is guarding our property. I think that would be a nice way to remember her. Better then throwing her ashes in the ocean... she never liked water anyways.

Printer Nom

Maybe this is why my printer gets all jammed up at work...

Good Bye Minette

In a week from today Minette will have her last visit with the vet. So far she's been a real trooper and toughed this out for almost a year when the vet predicted 3 months. She's still trying her best but we can tell that she's getting exhausted. I love her so much that I want to be selfish and keep her around for ever, however I know that this wouldn't be in her best interest.
Because I have seen this coming, I haven't been a useless wreck like I thought I'd be. I get teary eyed every once in a while during the day when I think about not being greeted by her mews when I wake up/come home/enter a room/come out of the washroom/look at her/smile at her or think of her (yeah... she mews a lot). I am sure we could have her stick around for an other month or so, however that would mean that the discomfort that she is in now would be prolonged and I would have to deal with this while I am in school. So now is the time.
I think she's going to be buried in our backyard somewhere because I don't have the money to get her cremated. I want to find a way that in her death she can be respected and laid to rest at peace (and not in some veterinary garbage).
Oh man! What a rough way to start the day... well time to go cuddle Minette until she gets tired of cuddles (which is quite quickly :) she likes to cuddle on her own time. Not so much when I want to) and then head off to work.

KABOOM!

There has been an explosion in my room!


Cloths, paperwork, stuff everywhere! I don't think it's been this bad EVER!

3 weeks away

and I am slowly getting myself ready to tackle the last 2 terms. It sure isn't easy... going back to do something that you don't particularly want to do. All signs point to "finish school and become an RMT" so that's the direction I am going in. Lately there have been a couple of things that have made me go... "hey I might actually enjoy working as a massage therapist once I finish school"... the most recent one being my visit to my own massage therapist. I decided to pay her a visit when my headache of 4 days didn't go away. Yes, I was silly and I think I managed to give myself my 2nd concussion (first one being when I was surfing in Tofino a couple of years ago... someone surfed into my head. Ow!). This time no great story to accompany the injury. Just add me, a single bed and flopping down on the bed = concussion #2. Yeah I am used to flopping down on a queen size bed that is not near a wall instead of a single bed that is pushed up against a wall. Ow fucking ow!
Anyways Jana is amazing! She does some fantastic work and has me working at 90%. Initially I was very focused on what she was doing, breathing with every release and carefully timing my breath to every uncomfortable trigger point release (yep I don't like those, especially around the head and neck). After a while I found myself drifting to that familiar place: teetering between consciousness and unconsciousness. It's a blissful state and it's something that I would like to be able to offer my patients/guests/whatever you want to call them. Also having the ability to free someone from their pain, even for a short while is amazing.
So now I know that I have to make an effort to enjoy massage therapy for what it is and try not to let the politics of it (and mostly of school) cloud my decisions and enjoyment for the profession. Today I find myself looking forward to going back to school. Hopefully it'll stay like this until May.